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AIBU? No you are...I think or is it me?

(50 Posts)
AlisonDubois Wed 17-Nov-10 21:30:31

Long story, but to cut it short(ish)...DH always goes on hol every year with his mates golfing for 3 days. Okay, you might think, but there's also lots of booze and apparently karaoke.
Anyway, he has recently sprung it on me that they will not be going to same place as always for, but are now going somewhere else for 4 days. So he will leave the house at 8am Friday and return 8pm Monday.
Bit pissed about this so I thought about booking Disneyland Paris for me and 3 DC's, on the same date.
Tols DH about this when he had finalised his plans, and he laughed at me. This made me so mad I actually booked it... and he went mental! Could not believe that I was going to take them there without him. I was like 'what the F**k. He goes on this holiday every kids, 1 kid, 2, 3, whatever...he has not missed. And he says it's not really a holiday...because playing golf is hard work! I'm like 'do me a favour'.
Anyway, he thinks I'm wrong and I said come with us then and forget the golf, but he won't.
So am going without him. Who is being unreasonable?
Must add that this is just one area of contention between us atm regarding parenting responsibilities, so is he just pissed off because of everything or is it just this?

TattyDevine Wed 17-Nov-10 21:32:57

YANBU as long as you can afford it. I dont see why you should stay home looking pretty whilst he goes on holiday.

FreudianSlimmery Wed 17-Nov-10 21:33:43

He's a twit. YANBU and have a fab time in Disneyland!

VeeBee3 Wed 17-Nov-10 21:34:10

YANBU! He is being totally unreasonable!!!

You and the kids go and enjoy Disney!

narkypuffin Wed 17-Nov-10 21:36:32

Unless he's on the European tour, a golf trip is a holiday.

YABU though, because you're taking the dcs with you. The fair thing to do would be wait until he's back then go off for 4 days leaving him to look after the children. He fucks off leaving all responsibilities behind, why shouldn't you?

QueenOfTheNight Wed 17-Nov-10 21:38:11


Were it me however I would be booking to go to a spa or on a nice break with my mates and leaving the DC at home with him when he gets back!

DancingThroughLife Wed 17-Nov-10 21:38:19


How is it not a holiday if he's away from home doing something he enjoys? hmm

In fact, technically yours isn't a holiday either as you'll be walking all weekend wink

DancingThroughLife Wed 17-Nov-10 21:39:19

But I agree that you should go away for four days doing something just for you.

Portofino Wed 17-Nov-10 21:41:31

No - fecking tough. Money permitting, why should you sit home with the dcs whilst he is off on a jolly. Go and have a fab time!

I had similar recently. DH never wants to go back to UK and travels a lot. He was away over the last bank holiday weekend so I took dd to UK, met my sister and we took kids to the Tower of London.

Apparently, he LOVES the TOL and wanted to take dd there himself. Well he has had 6 years of opportunity, so hard luck. We went and had a lovely time.

wodalingpengwin Wed 17-Nov-10 21:42:19

YANBU! And good for you!! He hasn't got a leg to stand on. You will be looking after his kids for 4 days still, after all. And how on earth can he argue that a golfing holiday with his mates isn't a holiday???

Enjoy Disneyland!

TrillianAstra Wed 17-Nov-10 21:43:59

You shougo away for a different weekend and leave him to sort out the kids.

Golf is hard work?! Pah!

LoveMyGirls Wed 17-Nov-10 21:46:16

YANBU at all in any way!

We recently went and my advice is to book a spa break for when you get back form disney and leave dc's with your H while you go and be pampered, disney is fab but NOT relaxing at all and you will be exhausted and need to relax!

MimsyRogers Wed 17-Nov-10 21:48:57

YANBU at all. Good for you. You are very brave to do Disney on your own, hope you have an amazing time.

MrsBuble Wed 17-Nov-10 21:50:10

YANBU to want to have a treat as he always has a nice weekend away golfing. But if you're doing it so he can't join in out of spite then YABU. You could of had a family trip to disneyland and then gone on a girls weekend leaving him with the kids to even things up.

AlisonDubois Wed 17-Nov-10 21:50:37

Thanks for the replies...esp liked Portofino's about him having 6 years to do it!
I am supposed to be going to York Xmas shopping with my mum in a couple of weeks, and he is not happy about that either.
A: it's on a saturday, so he can't watch the footie in peace
B: he has no idea how in the name of God he is going to feed them (I suggested doing what I do every Saturday...shove them all in the car and go thru McDonalds drivethru, drive home then eat!
C: I just know I will spend all day worrying about them (kids that is, not DH)
D: He will be in a foul mood when I do get it really worth the hassle me going? Even if this will be the only day out I have had all year?

PinkieMinx Wed 17-Nov-10 21:52:24

Think DH IBVU but think YAB a little U too. He is being plain ridiculous about golf holiday but I wouldn't personally take DC's to Disney without DH. I would go somewhere with them though and I'd have a weekend away with my friends as soon as he returned!

susitwoshoes Wed 17-Nov-10 21:53:56

your last post makes him sound like an utter twonk, to be honest - what exactly does he bring to the parenting party???

CrankyTwanky Wed 17-Nov-10 21:54:38


My DH would be happy happy happy for me if I found something to do while he's on his golf holiday. (And it is a bloody holiday.)

Will you all go away together as well during the year?
I can see why he'd be upset if it's the only family holiday.

TBH, Disneyland with 3 DC on your own sounds tough, but good for you!

PaisleyLeaf Wed 17-Nov-10 21:57:44

It all sounds very tit-for-tat.

wouldliketoknow Wed 17-Nov-10 21:57:46

what else doesn't he aprove of you doing? and what makes him think he has the right to object to anything you do? it's not like he's asking you.

AlisonDubois Wed 17-Nov-10 22:01:30

Am not doing this out of spite. Normally me and kids went on a Sun £9.50 hol with my mum at same time as golf a caravan in Bridlington. Don't get me wrong, the kids loved it, but in September it's a bit nippy...thought at least Disneyland, if cold, would be so entertaining they wouldn't care about crap weather.
He can't even manage a day at Drayton Manor Theme park for 1 day without losing his rag with kids, so taking him with us to Disneyland is a no no...we will enjoy it far more without him moaning about everything.
Yes I would love to go on a weekend away without him or kids, but would spend all the time worrying about the kids, so not a good idea.

bessie26 Wed 17-Nov-10 22:04:24

hahaha - from what DH has told me (and I doubt he told me everything) golfing holidays are just one HUGE piss-up! - perhaps he means the hangovers are "hard work" ?

YANBU to go away with the kids. What does he think you should do? sit at home missing him?!?

Have a great time!

wouldliketoknow Wed 17-Nov-10 22:06:06

alison, you should encourage him to take more responsability with the kids, and more patience... disney sounds fab, but would be great if you could get away for some me time as he does.

Portofino Wed 17-Nov-10 22:08:15

He definitely needs training! I would worry that you feel you can't leave the kids with him for one day! Feeding them shite and letting them go to bed late or something, that's manageable. Him "losing his rag" because he can't cope is something else....

AlisonDubois Wed 17-Nov-10 22:16:24

Like the idea of training of him...if only I could, wouldn't know where to start. He is hardly what you'd call a new man. ie. he breadwinner, me housewife, ugg, ugg.

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