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To think my ex's new relationship sounds like a con?!

(13 Posts)
YesIamweird Tue 16-Nov-10 14:22:13

Ok - So the ex emails to say he wants to introduce his new girlfriend to our DD. And did I want to ask any questions?

Well I knew a bit already - he met her online, she had 4wk old DS at the time and has now "known" her for 5 months. Up until about a month ago they hadn't met according to a mutual friend but he isn't in touch with the ex as much (he has been in holiday) so not sure what the situation is now. Apparently she lives in Wales, has a high flying job in America and an appartment in new York but will be staying briefly in a flat in a rough part of town whilst she looks to buy another house nearby. It all sounds a bit dodgy.

AIBU to think there us something weird going on?! Oh and to think it's odd he wants to introduce her to DD?

StrawberryDawn Tue 16-Nov-10 14:31:32

What exactly do you think is going on/is the con?

It sounds like you've got a lot of your information second hand from this mutual friend. Given that you ex has volunteered to answer any questions you have, why don't you take the chance to ask him about the situation and hopefully address your concerns directly.

PaisleyLeaf Tue 16-Nov-10 14:31:54

Who knows?
It probably will sound dodgy to you as you're only getting snippets of info.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 16-Nov-10 14:37:34

I wouldn't want my child meeting her until they are in a fully established relationship. Meeting someone a month ago that he'd been chatting to online would not be established enough for me.

I'd ask the ex all the things you are concerned about, but I'd want him to know her really well before introducing her to my childs life

YesIamweird Tue 16-Nov-10 14:43:39

Ah I didn't explain well, yes he has answered some of my questions, so I know for a fact her DS age, that they met "pretty much as she had given birth", her job, but he refuses to tell me when they first met in person. As he doesn't think it relevant (nor would he if he hasn't met her).

The con bit? He has a nice bank balance. Which if she is what he says she is then that wouldn't be an attraction but I'm struggling to trust that he knows her.

YesIamweird Tue 16-Nov-10 14:47:30

Karmabeliever, there is nothing I can do about it. Unless I can prove our DD is in some sort of danger. And I can't prove that as I don't know. What do I do?

I've asked him and told him I'm worried but nothing I can do. I just find the whole thing a bit odd and wondered if anyone else wouldn't suspicious?

fedupofnamechanging Tue 16-Nov-10 14:50:40

It's nice that you care enough about him to look out for his best interests but in the end though, he is no longer your responsibility to look out for. He is your ex. If you have concerns, then by all means advise him to take his time, but I doubt he will listen to you.

All you can do is look out for your DD, who is your responsibility. if you are not happy then just tell him you want him to hold off on the introductions until he knows her a lot better.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 16-Nov-10 14:56:02

X posted. I am not seperated from DH, so not totally clear how these things work. I guess it means you have to trust his judgement. You can tell him that you don't want her looking after your child unsupervised as you don't know her, but not sure how you'd insist.

If I was really worried I would not let him have access, but I think I'd have to have a concrete reason for that. If he is generally a good parent, with sound judgement then you might have to rely on that.

YesIamweird Tue 16-Nov-10 14:58:59

I don't care about him, sorry if it sounded like it! I don't want him introducing DD into a relationship I don't think is secure. That's the bit I am worried about.

But he tells me that he will do whatever he likes and that he has known her for 4 months. I can tell him until I am blue in the face but he won't do anything different.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 16-Nov-10 15:06:09

Well, in that case I'd stop him from having her if he wasn't going to be responsible about who he introduces to her. I don't think you are being U to ask that he knows someone well before making them part of his childs life. He shouldn't just dismiss your concerns.

VinegarTits Tue 16-Nov-10 15:17:14

he doesnt need your permission to intruduce your dd to new people in his life, not sure why he is telling you really

even if it were dodgy, theres nothing you can do, unless, like you say, you know for sure your dd would be in danger

YesIamweird Tue 16-Nov-10 19:48:20

He is telling me because I told him. He's not asking for my permission he is just telling me so I know our DD's world is changing whilst with him. Why would he not tell me? She can't - she's 2...

LittleMissHissyFit Tue 16-Nov-10 20:52:34

YesIamweird If you were asking when we think you could introduce your DD to your new BF, based on the time line alone that you have outlined to us here, you would have a ton of responses to tell you to slow down, not to introduce anyone into your DC life before you are very, very sure that this relationship is secure and safe.

It's too soon for her to be introduced, you know that.

If he doesn't see sense, then tbh you can stipulate that all meetings are to be at a contact centre with him only.

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