to think this can work?(20 Posts)
Ok, I know this is AIBU but please be kind!!
I am seriously shit with money. I have managed to rack up a debt of nearly £2k on my credit card and various other things. I don't seem to have any sense when it comes to spending my wages (although I always make sure there's enough to pay the bills/mortgage) and DP has gotten so fed up with me spending money and being in debt that he's threatened to leave as he can't be with someone he can't trust with money. While I think this is a bit extreme, I also think he has a point and have decided to do the following:
- Give DP all my credit/store/bank cards bar one for emergencies/fuel etc.
- Withdraw a set amount of money each Friday for the week
- Only have this money, and if any extras are required (presents, car tax etc.) then we'll either take it from our joint account or DP will give me some money towards it/them
I know this sounds like I'm giving DP all the power, but I do 100% trust him, and it will only be til I get the debts paid off - at which point I will cancel my credit cards.
AIBU to think that this will work?
YANBU, sounds like a good plan. Hope it works!
Do you know what, I actually find this an over-reaction? I probably have a 2 grand debt on my credit cards/overdraft at any one time, and I don't expect my husband to query me on it, or threaten to leave me over it. It's a very small amount. Perhaps others will disagree, but if you always pay the bills and the mortgage, and you only have what is a small personal debt, then making out you are some type of spender who needs punishing is a little over the top for my liking.
<breathes> thank you Serendippy!! I am expecting a whole raft of replies telling me that I'm being totally UR to give DP all the "power" but it was 100% my idea and I had to actually persuade him to go along with it.
I hope it works too....
Sounds a sensible way of exercising self control.
Perhaps as well you need to look at why you overspend, what motivates you and how to regulate that for when you regain control of your money after the debt is paid off.
Question why you think you need an item and make yourself work hard to justify the spending.
However, if you want him to limit your money, fine. Personally, I think you'd be better off limiting it yourself, rather than giving DP 'all the power' (by cutting up the cards and just paying back the debts as quickly as you can). And it's not entirely your initiative if he's threatened to leave you over a 2 grand debt. But perhaps I don't know many people in credit at the end of the month!!!!!
Onetoomany....I know it doesn't sound like alot, but niether DP or I are on high wages (under £30k jointly).. It is alot to us. I did say in my OP that I thought his reaction was a bit extreme too.
And considering alot of the purchases have been at high street fashion stores, I think DP has a right to be annoyed with me as I am happy to admit that I don't need half the stuff I buy, I just get it because it's "pretty" or "might wear it one day".
this sounds very sensible. YANBU.
perhaps once your debts are paid off/things feel under control you can take more of an involvement with the money management (even just a little bit at a time like finding out how all the direct debts are set up on your main account). it's a lot of weight to shoulder, the sole financial responsbility for a household. but if your H is willing this sounds like a good setup to get you back on track. don't let it become the norm in 20 years though - you should learn to become as financially savvy as needed to ensure that your H doesn't resent it long term/that you still aren't totally clueless in 20 years time
good luck though!
We did this for a while. It was great as I realised how much I spent on coffee and makeup I bought un-necessarily, and I managed to reduce my monthly credit card bill from average of £1600 to £800 including food shopping and petrol.
But it only works if DH is fair. I told my DH that i never wanted to feel like I was asking for handouts begging etc and he had to trust that if i said I needed something, I did and not question it.
So on weeks when DCs had 2 birthday parties and I fancied needed a new jumper, I would just say I need £50. End of. BUT because I had to ask, it made me stop and think whether I really needed it IYSWIM
thegoodishlife You have not given DP all the power in that the cards will still be in your name and you could get them back any time you wanted. To some people, £2K is not much money but it would be to me and DH and we would share responsibility for these debts if we came to that. Agree with bookeater that you also have to have a plan to stop yourself getting into debt again.
I'd destroy my cards (keeping accounts active to pay off) and not keep a credit card in the house or on your person. Your DP could keep an emergency card maybe? There are few emergencies that need immediate payment (and if there are your DP can call and pay by phone/online) and for fuel, be organised and fill the car together.
Have been in this position and found a few months on living off the cash I'd taken out for the week was a great re-education tool. In the end I spoke to the card companies and got a stop on my cards, so couldn't spend on them.
Good luck! Its not easy to do but very worth it.
why do you need store cards?
completely get rid of all cards except for the credit card with the best deal and a debit card for getting out cash.
Onetoomanycornettos 2k worth of debt would take us literally years to pay off (our actual "left over" income after bills and stuff is very very low, although we own our home on a mortgage so things are definitely comfortable enough)... don't underestimate the impact 2k of debt can have on people's finances... ;)
I think YANBU- good luck! We had various debts on credit cards/ car loans etc at one time. We were fortunate in that when we sold DH's flat and my house to get our first married home we had a fair bit of equity and we paid it off that way- then breathed a huge sigh of relief and have NEVER gone down that road again.
Once you get yourself into a mindset, it becomes easy not to spend on "fripperies" I control the budget really tightly now, and we have even managed to save some money and have some good holidays. It feels so good not to be paying over the odds to the bank (even if I am dressed like a tramp and we have the oldest cars in the street!)
Onetoomany, £2000 might seem like a small personal debt to you, but to me I would be worried if I'd got that far into debt and couldn't see myself reducing it without help. If I had run up a debt like this I would probably have done the same - in fact, I have started to curb my spending because I was aware that our savings are running low quicker than we'd planned (SAHM with savings to cover lack of earning). I asked DH to agree with me a reasonable amount of money I could spend each week on groups, cafe trips, oddments for DD, etc. I can spend more if I want, but tend not to because I know it'll cause issues in the long run.
OP - Go for it! Hope it works out for you! YANBU
Oh boy - x-post with loads of people! Must learn to type quicker!
Oh wow - thank you for all your positive responses!!!
I agree, I NEED to learn how to manage my money better. I've always been awful and it's now got to the point where I am so fed up with myself that I know it needs to be sorted out. I will get rid of all my store cards and my credit card - DP has one for emergencies - and I've even fashioned a budget spreadsheet to help me break down my monthly income into direct debits, fuel for the month etc.
I am looking forward to being rid of all the debt, having some savings and finally being able to afford a decent holiday somewhere!
I'm not trying to argue that £2000 isn't a large debt if you have a lowish income, just that I cannot imagine it becoming a deal-breaker in my relationship. Nor would I describe someone who had a £2000 debt as someone I couldn't trust with money or someone I would leave. That's all. I think it's positive that the OP is taking control of her own finances and think the moves are sensible.
Keep a note of all your spending as well. Then you will think twice about yet another unneccessary magazine! I find it helps me as I've always been one to fritter money away on nothing. Not a problem when I was working but harder now down to one income. DH doesn't query what I spend but I feel guilty!
OP I think it's great you're taking steps to improve your financial situation and your spending habits.
The only concern I'd have is that perhaps you are relying too much on someone else to control your spending and that if in the future you split up with your DP and had to take control of your finances again, you'd fall back into old habits. Maybe you'd be best viewing this as a short term solution in order to kickstart your spending willpower and look to take back responsibility back for your cards/banking when you've gotten used to living on a more sensible budget.
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