To NOT take DS's trainers to school after because he forgot them again

[memoo]

Ok, DS is nearly 10 and in year 5.

Since september I have had to go to school at least 20 times to take things to him that he has forgot. This morning I told him several times to put his trainers in his bag for school, each time he replied "ok".

I've just found his trainers lying on the floor in the hall!

Aibu to not take them today as a way of teaching him to take a little more responsibility for himself?

He doesn't have PE tday, he just wears his trainers at lunch time as they play football and have to change into their trainers first.

[Weta]

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...

[JamieLeeCurtis]

YANBU

I'm a bit soft, but I really would draw the line at this

[MardyBra]

At 10 he should know better. I did relent for DS (8) the other day when he forgot his packed lunch.

Also, it's not like he's going to get into trouble or anything, just miss his precious football, so hopefully he'll learn to plan better otherwise he'll miss it next time.

YANBu

[Gooftroop]

Yanbu - can't believe you've done it 20 times!

[DamselInDisgrace]

You're not his personal servant! I don't understand why you've been dropping things in for him up until now.

YANBU.

[memoo]

Thanks, was worried i was being a bit mean.

I don't know why I've been doing it either Damsel, I'm a soft touch I guess

[GrimmaTheNome]

YABU to even have thought of taking in his trainers under these circumstances!

[jybay]

YANBU - It's the only way he'll learn

[PMTeepee]

YANBU. You should have taught him that lesson after the third time!

[memoo]

I should you're right!

[mumeeee]

YANBU, He doesn't have PE. He will just have to not play football at lunch tile today.

[Hullygully]

I struggle with this and invariably give in and my ds is 13. The thing is, as he points out, you can't remember if you've forgotten because you have forgotten.

[memoo]

Your DS makes a very good point hully!

[musicposy]

I wouldn't take them. He's not far off secondary when you have to remember all sorts and take the consequences yourself for stuff. You'll be doing him a favour if you refuse to run stuff in after him.

[Hullygully]

But some people just ARE absent minded. My dh forgets everything all the time. His wallet has been left behind so many times in so many places we have cc companies on speed dial.

[GrimmaTheNome]

If kids struggle with remembering things then they need a system, come up with methods of coping. This is one of the reasons secondary school kids get issued with planners (and losing/forgetting that is the direst offence, as far as I can make out )

Do you want your DS to grow up as absentminded as his dad, Hully?

[FindingMyMojo]

if you take them in he'll never learn to look after himself & take responsibility for his day. You reminded him, he replied OK, he didn't act therefore no trainers for lunchtime footie.

Even if you are the forgetful type, you can learn to compensate for this by taking action when your Mum (or someone else) gives you a reminder like the OP did. I don't think "he's forgetful therefore the way to deal with this is to constantly run around after him" is going to teach him any life skills as to how to deal with his forgetfullness.

It's cause & effect - simple. YANBU

[Hullygully]

No (funnily enough) and he isn't as bad...so far. We do keep coming up with strategies to try and reduce the reliance on memory, ds pins notes to himself on the front door etc, but it just seems unfair to be cross with someone for something they didn't do on purpose.

[Fennel]

My 10yo has a terrible memory. as does my DP. I would never take in something that was just for playtime. I have very occasionally taken in a forgotten lunch, but generally 10yo dd has to cope if she forgets.

and she has got a lot better just in this last year, I'm sure that having to work it out is making her improve. Though she's still the worst child in the whole school about remembering lunch tickets. but she survives.

[Hullygully]

Having said that, I was very cross with ds this morning when he was wandering around five minutes before he has to leave telling me he needed a glass, a pair of tights, a fake flower and something to make fake bosoms with for a DT presentation today. Oh, and could he have my memory stick as his didn't seem to be working.

And he had had SIX hours after school yesterday to do this stuff.

[jybay]

A friend with DC has a chart up with what each one needs to take every day - violin, PE kit etc. She prompts them to look at it in the morning but it's up to them to actually remember to take their stuff. Seems to work quite well.

[jybay]

Sorry - should be 4 DC

[jybay]

[Hullygully]

yes, he said something about an ad, but I have my doubts.