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to expect dh to help with the children in the morning? Apparently its my job?

(99 Posts)
XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:07:31

Ok, views please!

I was grumpy this morning as I am still getting up in the night with baby!

So, hubby wakes everyone up at 7.55am to get out of the door by 8.15am. Once we are up he gets himself dressed, lunch and out the door for work. I have myself, 4 children, breakfast, lunches to make etc.... all to do in that time.

I should be up earlier but am so tired at the moment. I said to dh that we should both be up and getting the children ready in the mornings.

He said that he waits for me to get up before he gets up and that getting the kids ready in the morning is my job. I am cross as I really think he should be helping a bit more!

Rant over. :-(

FreudianSlimmery Fri 12-Nov-10 09:11:51

WTF why would it only be your job? YANBU.

ENormaSnob Fri 12-Nov-10 09:12:55

He is being lazy IMO.

0815 is not at all early to be leaving for work.

NatalieJane Fri 12-Nov-10 09:13:13

If it's of any help, DH 'helped' me on Wednesday morning (he had a day off, usually he's gone by 6am) I figured we'd both them ready for school/nursery, then he could take them, and I'd have a peaceful shower while he was gone.

Oh no, DH spends twice as long in the bathroom 'because he had time to with not going to work' so no one else can get in to brush teeth have a wash whatever, eventually after me nagging and nagging (I am not a nagger, but boy if you mess with my routine...!!) they finally run out of the door 10 minutes late, leaving DS3 because he wasn't ready, so bang went my peaceful shower!

Then he waltzes back in saying "I don't know what all the fuss was about, we had to wait 5 minutes in the car because we got there too early."

<steam coming out of ears>

But yes, if you are both there, then both should get kid's ready, especially when there are baby wakings in the night. YAdNBU

Zeeky Fri 12-Nov-10 09:13:33

No YANBU. I have a 3yr old & a 6mth old who I am still getting up to feed in night. I am SAHM so therefore DH expects me to do absolutely everything to do with kids and home as he is the one earning the money. Occasionally he will offer to take ds to nursery if he happens to have got up late, but I still have to get ds up, dressed & ready to go so it's not really a massive help but he acts like he's doing me a huge favour!

I know of other people's dh's who get the kids up & dressed & breakfasted before they go to work so YANBU especially when you gave been up in night with baby.

TheGoddessBlossom Fri 12-Nov-10 09:14:13

Ah the classic DH gets himslef ready only and leaves you to do everything else rant. Have done it many times myself. On the one hand it's easier if he doesn't get involved (lots more shouting), on the other hand he does get off very lightly. No solution here i'm afraid...

Animation Fri 12-Nov-10 09:15:58

Come on OP - set some limits with your hubby - he's getting away with murder!!

GingerGlitterGoddess Fri 12-Nov-10 09:16:06

Do you seriously get out the door in 20 mins??? I have one 9mo DD and it takes me 45 mins from getting her up, and that is assuming I've managed to get up before her, shower and dress! What is your secret?

FWIW DH does help me in the morning on my work days, AND he is getting up with DD in the night at the mo as I have stopped night feeds.

I feel that in principle, if you are a full time mum, you do everything while he is at work, and then you co-parent when he is at home. So YANBU.

XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:16:51

Thanks guys, it was what I was thinking. He usually always leaves around 8-81.5 for work which is about the time we should be going out for school.

There is the odd occasion where he is wroknig further afield so gets up at 6am so obviously we are all still in bed and without him there I know I have to do it all and I don't mind!

What annoys me is I'm doing it all whilst he is stood there, if he wasn't there I wouldn't get frustrated. If you see what I mean!

MissAnneElk Fri 12-Nov-10 09:17:26

Depends really. If you are a SAHM then I do think it's your job. If you are also going out to work then he is BVU.
Can you prepare anything the day before to make the mornings less stressful?

thirtysomething Fri 12-Nov-10 09:17:39

Are you trying to get to work too or SAHM? YADNBU either way, just trying to gather facts to see the extent of his unreasonableness....am wondering if you have time to come back home and sort kitchen out etc once DC at school (and therefore does he imagine it is somehow more your job to get DC ready....) or if that is your only window of the day for getting everything done...

XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:18:55

GingerGlitter Goddess. Yep 20 minutes from up and then out the door. Baby stays in his pj's under his snowsuit, he can be sorted when we get home. I look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards, again I can kind of sort that when I get home!

2 younger dd's I make sure are sorted and ready for school. Eldest is 13 so should be able to get himself ready but can't! Well half does and half doesn't!

megonthemoon Fri 12-Nov-10 09:19:46

My DH gets up with DS and gets his breakfast while I deal with the baby and shower, and then leaves for work once i'm ready. I never even had to ask - he just does it because it needs doing and I'm bf baby therefore it is obvious that someone else has to deal with DS. It is ridiculous that he won't help with even just one of your 4 kids!!!

You do all need to start getting up earlier though - i can't get myself ready in 20 mins let alone a whole family of 6! - and maybe get him to start making lunches and laying out clothes the night before if he insists he isn't willing to pull his weight in the morning so he is at least contributing something, however pathetically little.

XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:20:14

Oh SAHM, and I do agree that whilst he is out at work the house etc... is my job. However, I do feel when he is at home then he should be helping, not with everything but esecially mornings.

Oh and he has a lie-in on a Saturday until 1pm but thats a whole different story!

ladela Fri 12-Nov-10 09:21:38

YANBU and he is being a pig!!!

My friends bloke is like this and I can't stand him (secretly, obviously because I love my friend) - since their baby was born he's never lifted a finger to help and my mate looks like the walking dead. She may as well be a single parent, he literally does NOTHING!

He should be helping ya, you're a partnership. If he doesn't like that make sure you withdraw any 'services' you currently offer him. We do make a rod for our own back sometimes and people will take the piss for as long as we let them - so stop letting him. Do nothing for him - hopefully he'll get the message.

nbee84 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:22:18

How do you get yourself and 4 children up/toilet/breakfast/washed/teeth cleaned/dressed/lunches made in 20 minutes shock or is that a typo? and you get up at 6.55, not 7.55.

If it is 20 minutes the you are wonderwoman and I take my hat off to you grin

nbee84 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:23:41

X post.

You are wonderwoman [swoon]

XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:24:25

nbee74, I amaze myself. Lol. If you blink you miss me cos I run around like a lunatic, shouting and screaming, lol!

MissAnneElk Fri 12-Nov-10 09:24:39

Ah - I do agree he is BU about the lie ins. They should most definitely be shared. Either start having a lie in on a Sunday or if that's not possible then alternate Saturdays.

XboxWidow30 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:25:40

Oh I do have a lie in on a Sunday but a lie in for me is 9.30am! I think 1pm is a bit excessive??

Quenelle Fri 12-Nov-10 09:25:57

Doesn't matter if you're a SAHM or not, there's still only the same limited amount of time to get everything done and out the door.

He could at least get up 10 minutes earlier and make all the lunches, not just his own.

Blimey, my DH gets up at 5.30 to leave at 7. He'd give his eye teeth to stay in bed until 7.55.

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Nov-10 09:25:58

He is being lazy and unhelpful. However, you will probably have to sit down when you are both calm and sort this out.

Meanwhile - could you make all the packed lunches the night before, make sure all clothes are laid out, bags packed etc ready to go out the door?

I always used to set the breakfast things out the night before as well. (DH always left for work at 7.00, so was never around).

nbee84 Fri 12-Nov-10 09:26:37

And you have a baby that sleeps until 7.55! [double swoon]

stubbornhubby Fri 12-Nov-10 09:27:27

share out the days, so it's not an every-morning discussion.

our DCs are much older so there's not a lot to do compared with you, but same prinicple: but I get out the breakfast stuff, set table, empty dishwasher etc on Mon-Wed, and Mrs Stubborn does it on thur and fri.

DCs clear up their own breakfast themselves.

I leave for work at 7am.

StayFrosty Fri 12-Nov-10 09:27:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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