Judginess at toddlers in buggies...(99 Posts)
This is just going to be a rant but it's really starting to get on my tits.
My cousin is a lovely woman, educated, kind, intelligent but since she had children she's so damn judgemental!! We live far apart but text often, usually things like 'you'll never guess what DS did today' you know the sort of thing.
I decided to pick her brains about double buggies as DS will be just two when DD comes along and she has a similar age gap between hers. Well. This is obviously a subject she feels rather strongly about...... No, she didn't get a double buggy. She made her DS walk. Fair enough, but she then went on to say that she often sees parents pushing toddlers about and she thinks they're daft and 'making their children lazy'. I did point out tactfully that perhaps some people's circumstances were different, perhaps they needed to push their kids about? She sort of conceded and we left it there. But now I'm getting the brunt of her judginess. Everytime I mention something even vaguely related to walking (eg. buying DS some wellies) I get a message back with an anecdote about the latest child she's seen who is 'too old' to be in a buggy.
Now, the irony is that she drives! And she lives in a suburb with nothing nearby so she drives everywhere. So although her DS walks, he doesn't have to walk very far, nor does he ever have to walk from A to B in a time limit. I don't drive. If I need to be somewhere on time and can't dawdle it's the buggy. If it's pissing rain and howling a gale, the next best thing to driving is to bundle DS up in a buggy with a footmuff and rain cover (he's not even 2 yet BTW). If I have shopping to pick up it's much easier and safer to load the buggy with shopping bags and DS than to try and lug it all home and hang on to a toddler with no road sense.
Her latest text was about a school age child she'd seen in a buggy and uniform on. Apprently said child 'didn't look disabled'. But they might have been, mightn't they? Or maybe they are a pre-schooler with a 5 mile walk home. I find it amusing that she's doing all this judging from her nice toasty warm car, and probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if the same child was driven half a mile home.
Well done for getting this far....
The more she goes on, the more I start to doubt myself. AI really BU to think that it might be appropriate to our circumstances to get a double buggy???!
start getting judgy to her about people who drive everywhere
She sounds like a silly tart to be honest DD is 2.10 and mostly walks. But if we're going to the shops then it's into the pushchair she goes and she knows it. I'd rather push her than chase her round the shops. We drive a lot though as well. If we walked more then it'd definitely be the buggy. Has no bearing on her ability to walk, more like my ability to carry her when she throws a strop/chase after her etc.
If you want a double buggy, get one! It's none of her bloody business and she's only judging others so she can feel superior - her problem, not yours.
Ignore the silly caaaah! She has not a clue what it is like trying to negotiate a toddler on public transport or walking distances, and with a baby in a pram as well Just get your buggy and ignore her digs.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
We used the buggy for DS until he was well past 3 because he --was lazy-- got tired if we had to walk a long way or be somewhere at a particular time. It also meant we could go further afield because he could stop walking on the way back.
Not to mention safety, convinience etc.
Double buggy is one option, buggy board or one of those strap on side chairs?
Get a double buggy.
My 17 month old rides very happily in his buggy. Like you, we have no car and walk every where.
Also, great for creating naps and then the buggy just slides right into his room!
I had a two year gap and couldn't be without a double buggy. I don't drive and walked miles.
Of course, YANBU. She's being ridiculous. First of all, it's not her business, second, some children have disabilities that are not visible to naked eye and third, it is absolutely reasonable for a 2 or 3 yo to be in a buggy, especially if you have some distance to cover and have a baby as well.
Had same age gap between my 2. Got a Phil & Ted. DS1 could walk when he wanted to andthen jump in when tired (also helped that when he walked I had extra shopping space!).
I do get my judgy pants on when I see kids jump in a buggy outside of school - saw one child come out of reception class, get into a buggy, pushed 5 mins up the road and then got int he car. [hmmm]
No YANBU - most people compromise , don't they?
Walk in good weather, ride in buggy in bad weather etc.
I used to push DS age 2 or 3 to shops or library, and he would walk back as stroller was loaded with veg and books. It was about a mile and a half, he was fine to walk it one way.
Does she have anyone else to sound off to? It sounds as if that is what she needs, so direct her here and she can start (another) thread about giant kids in strollers
what an arse your cousin is. Get a double buggy & stop listening to her!
oh definitely call her out on her own driving laziness.
I'm SO glad it's not just me. Paranoia was starting set in!
FWIW, we've haven't got a double buggy (lack of space), but I'm fully intending to sling the baby and let DS have the pushchair for another few months if he needs it, and I have the loan of a double if I want it.
Get a double.
I moan about this lots, but totally NT DD is a late walker, and tall for our town. She can't walk to the shops from our house - maybe a 1/4 mile.
I don't drive either, so DD will need a pushchair for a long time to go on the bus to recent cities etc, as shopping trips take hours. But that doesn't mean she stays in the pushchair the whole time! Or that I don't encourage her to walk as far as she can.
One of those issues that makes it obvious how short-sighted some people are, and how rough it must be for Parents of people with SN.
Tell your sis to naff off in her cosy car.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
The only person who understands your situation fully is you. People who judge others are generally quite unhappy in their own lives so have to look outside and criticise.
"Never judge anyone til you've walked a mile in their shoes" - words of wisdom from my Granny (1911-2009). She never had a fridge or freezer or washing machine because they were "the work of satan". She was never ill until the week before she died, so as far as I'm concerned, she's right.
Yeah, get her on here, she'll be torn a new one kindly told the errors of her ways
Ignore her! My DS was still on his buggy board until the end of the summer term (he was 5 in August). Short walk to school but he dawdled so much it was easier for me - and made sure we got there in time!
I got all sorts of comments about this - but he was youngest in the class and is the smallest and the walk was just too much in the mornings. Downhill in the afternoons so much better .
IME it is always people who drive who make these comments or old people who have really no contact with DC for decades.
20 month, 25 month gaps for me - found double very good for getting about locally with - but no so great for public transport.
If you are on buses/trains a lot like us - Phil and Teds, single pushchair and slings, single pushchair and buggy broad, single pushchair and buggy pod all options.
Days out for us with public transport are very long with tried DC. When eldest four year old started reception on long days out is was not unheard of for DC to want need a seat and be easier to put her in pushchair, second DC in pod and third in sling and walk our selves miles like that.
Oh a if you have to walk along way to GPs with sick older child a double buggy is a huge help there rather than trying to get them to walk.
If a child in school uniform is in a buggy,surely the most likely reason is that they are disabled?
I'd rather give the parents the benefit of the doubt, that risk making smug judgements about a disabled child.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.