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My Birthday - is DP being a twat?

(55 Posts)
JodiesMummy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:08:16

OK so its my birthday in a couple of weeks. Uusally because its so close to Christmas shopping time I dont get a lot of presents. No problem, I am a Mum and like to get Christmas all wrapped up instead so its not a last minute rush.

This year I have been very organised and Christmas shopping is all done [grins]

I have also recently had a payrise (couple of hundred quid extra per month not huge but makes things more comfortable). Since I have had this payrise, DP has began treating himself on a regular basis. Fancy haircuts, £100 quid jackets, new aftershave. No, he hasnt got a new woman he is just a poncy twat.
Not getting overly bothered by his extravagance, but he has not made efforts at work to progress and has not had a payrise for 4 years! Would be nice if he treated ME for a change.
Anyway, I have continued in my normal way, shopping at Primark or charity shops for bargains not out of necessity, but because I cannot justify the expense on stuff for myself at this time of year.

HOWEVER - this birthday I know we have the cash for a treat or two for me, and to be fair, DP has been making reference to some parcels delivered to his work (for my birthday). i am not getting overly excited because he is a notoriously crap present buyer. But I spotted a dress in a vintage shop yesterday which is only £20! I texted him about it and he said "you have had paint for your birthday" - as I am going to decorate our hall this weekend in time for Christmas. I am fuming to put it mildly. AIBU?

Aloneinthehouse Wed 10-Nov-10 11:11:09

YADNBU I sincerly hope that he is joking and has actually got you something rather nice if not then buy the dress for yourself before someone else snaps it up

bumpybecky Wed 10-Nov-10 11:13:53

why did you text him about it? why not just buy it?

NeverendingStoryteller Wed 10-Nov-10 11:15:07

Go and buy the dress for yourself. It sounds like your husband is winding you up.

Being treated does not equal being loved. If he loves you and is generous in other ways, don't worry so much about his crap gift buying skills.

SheWillBeLoved Wed 10-Nov-10 11:16:23

I'm assuming he text you before he went ahead with his purchases? hmm

He is being a selfish twat. You earnt your payrise, go out an treat yourself and don't dare try and justify it.

TattyDevine Wed 10-Nov-10 11:16:44

I'm amazed, it sounds like you asked him if you could buy the dress. Perhaps it wans't like that. But it doesn't sound like he extends the same courtesy.

I think you need to talk.

ballstoit Wed 10-Nov-10 11:17:42

I am a bit confused...he spends £100 on a jacket for a special occasion and you cant buy a £20 dress for your birthday? Why do you need to ask him first?

Go and buy the dress.

Tiredmumno1 Wed 10-Nov-10 11:17:59

Just dont get him anything for christmas, he has had his pressies early already, you know that jacket and aftershave.

grin

JodiesMummy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:18:13

I am willing to wait until my birthday I was just trying to give him ideas. To be honest, he is not generous in any way he is just a really great dad and a nice person but there is very little in the way of generosity of spirit with him. He has really pissed me off now.

werewolf Wed 10-Nov-10 11:19:08

I don't understand.

You've had a pay rise, things are 'more comfortable'. Why not buy yourself a few more things, just as your dp has? Why not? confused

bumpybecky Wed 10-Nov-10 11:19:19

I buy all my own presents. That way I know I'll get something I like and want.

Go and buy yourself the dress!

ChaoticAngel Wed 10-Nov-10 11:19:33

Paint shock

If I were you he'd end up wearing the bloody paint. I hope he's joking. Buy the dress, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

Btw I agree with Tatty, you need to talk.

Mahraih Wed 10-Nov-10 11:20:08

Why is he turning himself into The Fonz with your payrise?

Sure, it's shared money, but that necessitates YOU using your share. Take the initiative and buy the dress!

For starters.

JodiesMummy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:21:10

I was thinking he could buy the dress and wrap it up off DD or something. He just huffily texted back "you have had your paint for your birthday"

So I texted back "Right."

So he texted "which dress is it I will see what I can do"

So I just replied "its fine dont worry about it".

I want HIM to buy the dress because for a change it will be something I have asked for and I thought he would appreciate the ideas.
Clearly he is also pissed off at me decorating (even though I have been bullied into it by HIS MOTHER who keeps on about how cheap paint is and how dingy our hall is). He is just a wanker and Im so pissed off at him Id be quite happy to throw him out.

Kewcumber Wed 10-Nov-10 11:21:18

I would text back - "no paint is your Xmas present, dress is for my birthday"

Tiredmumno1 Wed 10-Nov-10 11:21:53

Oh and buy the dress and wrap it up, then open it on your birthday.

At least you know you will have something you want.

Kewcumber Wed 10-Nov-10 11:22:08

Or even given last post "paint is your mothers Xmas present, dress is for my birthday"

jybay Wed 10-Nov-10 11:22:37

Why in the world did you ask his permission? It's your money. I could understand if money was super-tight but it sounds like it isn't.

ChaoticAngel Wed 10-Nov-10 11:23:26

Oh, and yes, your dp is a twat.

badfairy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:24:24

surely it's a piss take...it must be...isn't it? shock

MackerelOfFact Wed 10-Nov-10 11:24:34

Hopefully he's pulling your leg. You should have just bought it, sounds like you'd be paying for your own presents out of your pay rise anyway, even if they were decent. Not to mention his 'treats' for himself.

SleepingLion Wed 10-Nov-10 11:25:39

It all sounds a bit odd. If he is crap at presents/being generous, treat yourself! That way, you may still be pissed off with him but you have nice stuff grin

JodiesMummy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:27:26

Money is not super tight but we put into the one pot and I just dont feel like playing fast and loose with the joint account (obviously doesnt bother him though). He gets paid through the month in fits and starts and always in cash - if he doesnt get time to take it to the bank the cash sits in his bedroom drawer and sometimes I dont realise that and accidentally write a cheque to the window cleaner or something and get into trouble with him. My wages go in once a month and pay the rent, bills etc. So for fripperies it always feels like Im going to him cap in hand hmm

I am sick of it to be honest. This week his wages are in the drawer because he didnt get time to bank them because he was on his way for a poncy haircut! hmm

Its just unfair, I work hard but I always feel I have to answer to him.

twirlymum Wed 10-Nov-10 11:28:04

Do you have a joint account?
If so, how come he can buy new jackets and haircuts etc, and you can't buy things for yourself, when it's you that had the payrise?
Get your own bank account!

badfairy Wed 10-Nov-10 11:29:56

Oooh you need to sort him out....I didn't realise people still paid employees in cash, thought that went out with the Ark. Can't he arrange for his employers to pay it directly into your bank account ?

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