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in thinking that lots of you must have had "surprise" pregnancies which were actually secretly deliberate?

(528 Posts)
oliviadehavilland Tue 09-Nov-10 22:02:51

I have. Twice.

I was (still am!) in a long term relationship. DH wanted children but "not just yet". I very much wanted them, like yesterday, and got fed up of waiting for DP to decide he was ready (it had been several years since I had first proposed trying to conceive).

We had the space and money and I was very sure that he'd be a fantastic father once it was a fait accompli.

So I stopped taking the pill and blamed a tummy upset when I got the "surprise" BFP a few months later. He has never been any the wiser.

Then, two years later I did it again.

DH loves being a father, often says it's the best mistake we ever made - not that that is the point, of course. He would be beyond devastated and furious (rightly) if he were ever to discover my deception.

I'm not defending my actions. They were wrong and deceitful. I calculatedly decided that if I never told a soul (which I haven't, until now, and have namechamed specially) then he'd never know. I made a judgement that it would work out well for us - far better imo than if I'd spent years getting resentful and unhappy at his unwillingness to commit to actively trying to conceive.

I know several women who have had surprise pregnancies due to contraceptive failure etc. None of them has ever said to me that it was deliberate on their part but I reckon that for some (most?) of them it must have been, just like me.

I'm sure that this happens a lot, just no-one ever admits to it. So I'm wondering...are any of you prepared to admit to "tricking" a partner into a pregnancy? Or am I way off beam and in a teeny tiny minority?

LeninGrad Tue 09-Nov-10 22:04:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

readywithwellies Tue 09-Nov-10 22:05:32

No, never. Frankly I am rather disgusted

ElSkintos Tue 09-Nov-10 22:05:57

Well as I'm already name changed I'll admit it, absolutely (again best 'mistake' ever for DP!) grin

Dando Tue 09-Nov-10 22:06:54

I don't believe this tbh.

LeninGrad Tue 09-Nov-10 22:07:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DanceInTheDark Tue 09-Nov-10 22:07:20

Interesting first post on MN.

I shall look for the none story in the papers in the next few days.

#lazyjournalism

lollipopshoes Tue 09-Nov-10 22:07:52

we-ell, sort of.

dp wanted more children. I couldn't make up my mind and while I was deciding I got pregnant. Twice.

I think that was a secretly deliberate surprise but to myself rather than to dp

oliviadehavilland Tue 09-Nov-10 22:08:00

What's not to belive? It's hardly earth-shattering is it?

megonthemoon Tue 09-Nov-10 22:08:06

Never contemplated it, and would think poorly of any of my friends if they did to be honest. And I speak as someone who was ready to try approx 2 years before my DH. It's such a huge thing that both parents should be going into it knowingly and willingly IMO.

parakeet Tue 09-Nov-10 22:08:26

Haven't done it but I might have in your circumstances.

Nancy66 Tue 09-Nov-10 22:09:07

I suppose i'm not surprised it happens but I think there's something pretty morally reprehensible about it.

Have to say I am always sceptical when somebody claims the pill 'didn't work.' The pill if taken properly is 100% effective

oliviadehavilland Tue 09-Nov-10 22:09:39

Not a first post. Namechanged, like I said. And give over with the "lazy journalism" digs. God, it's a wonder any thread ever gets off the ground here sometimes.

BoobyMcLeaky Tue 09-Nov-10 22:09:50

I couldn't imagine doing that to my DH. It took me a long time to convince him to TTC but if never crossed my mind to do that to him.

oliviadehavilland Tue 09-Nov-10 22:10:51

Yep, totally morally reprehensible. No argument from me on that front.

I'm not defending it, I'm just exploring how often this sort of thing happens.

Olifin Tue 09-Nov-10 22:10:56

I believe you OP! And I know of at least 2 ladies who have admitted to deliberate 'accidents'.

I haven't and wouldn't, personally.

CMOTdibbler Tue 09-Nov-10 22:11:22

I think it is a really unpleasant thing to do.

But I do know someone who I very strongly suspect of doing so.

oliviadehavilland Tue 09-Nov-10 22:11:36

Booby - really? It never crossed your mind?

Nancy66 Tue 09-Nov-10 22:12:05

'sperm snatchers' - as I believe they are known!!!!

BarbieLovesKen Tue 09-Nov-10 22:12:18

No absolutely not. I would think - hope that most decent women havent done this either so because of that, YABU.

Disgusting, disrespectful, sly and deceitful. No, I love my dh, I couldnt and wouldnt do it.

BoobyMcLeaky Tue 09-Nov-10 22:13:51

Nope, why would it? He wasn't ready, I wasn't going to force it on him.

buttonmoon78 Tue 09-Nov-10 22:14:01

hmm

PinkieMinx Tue 09-Nov-10 22:14:01

Think it's foul - no matter if it worked out well - no right to do that to someone. DH's XW's pill 'failed' just as they were splitting. Also have a friend who has her children by 'getting DH drunk enough to forget condoms'.

thefirstMrsDeVere Tue 09-Nov-10 22:14:05

I have never done it despite being pathalogically broody since I was about 18.

But my OH has accused me of it in the past shock. Bloody cheek.

He used to be a bit of a knob but he has grown up into a lovely man.

We had DD and DS1 and OH didnt want any more (from the way he used to talk he didnt have anything to do with having those ones). I was so broody it hurt and loads of people suggested I 'just got pregnant'. These people included his sisters! I just couldnt bring myself to do it.

Then we got DS2 through non biological means. I was still horribly broody but then DD got ill so there was no way sad

After she died I still couldnt 'just get pregnant' BUT I did TELL OH we were going to have another baby.
Then I got a dog because I wasnt going to have anymore children.
Then I told OH we should try for just one more and I probabl wouldnt get pg because I was so old blah blah. It took a week shock

That is it now. I really have to stop but am very sad about it. I have asked OH to have the snip because if he doesnt I will be secretly hoping to get pg 'by mistake' till I am 60.

badfairy Tue 09-Nov-10 22:14:21

planned both of mine but have a couple of friends who certainly did the same as you

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