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to be cross with this man from HR?

(43 Posts)
Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 18:06:25

I have recently decided to have a career change and DH made me aware of a position that was available in his team at work and said that I should go for it.

It looked like really good opportunity so I applied. I had an interview last week which seemed to go really well. Infact the man who interviewed me kept saying "When, sorry if you get the job..."

I just got a phone call from a gentleman in HR at the company. He said that he wanted to give me some feedback about my interview - which sounded ominous.

He then went on to say that it was a very difficult decision for them as, although I have the skills for the job, they were reluctant to offer it to me as my DH is on the same team.

I said that that wouldn't be a problem.

He said that he knows, but that he just wanted to make me aware of their reluctance to hire me, to ensure that professionalism was maintained within the workplace. He said that he found this difficult to say to me as I'm an adult, but felt that he needed to say it anyway, but he'd like to offer me the job - so long as I bear it in mind.

I said:

"I'm offended that you feel the need to tell me that professionalism is required in the workplace! As you have said, in a rather patronising manner, I am an adult and am therefore responsible for acting professional in my workplace regardless of whether or not my husband works there! If I have the skills for the job then you should hire me, if not then don't, but don't patronise me by telling me that I will need to act 'professional'. Lucky for you, I'm willing to overlook your unprofessionalism and will accept the job offer."

Well - that's what I wanted to say but my professionalism held me back. I accepted the job, but AIBU to be annoyed or is this a normal thing for a HR person to say?

Ewe Tue 09-Nov-10 18:11:25

I think YABU, it didn't stop them offering the job, he just highlighted it as a concern which I think is understandable given the circumstances. It would certainly cross my mind, mainly because I could not imagine working with my DP!!

Tee2072 Tue 09-Nov-10 18:15:23

I actually can't believe they even offered you the job with your DH on the same team. At most companies I've worked at that would be absolutely against company policy.

So I think YABU and am not surprised he said that to you. I would imagine it's a major concern.

happycamel Tue 09-Nov-10 18:15:55

I don't think you're BU and I admire you for holding back. But I'm not surprised by HR man's comments. I think its just a bit of preventative management that's OTT.

Maybe they've had problems with people dealing with personal stuff at work. I had two team members that had an affair and a messy break up all lived out through the office - wasn't great for anyone involved. HR man knows he'll have to deal with it if it goes wrong so is marking the boundaries now.

You're technically right, now forget about it and celebrate your new job. Congratulations!

stubbornhubby Tue 09-Nov-10 18:17:43

many companies have a policy that spouses shouldn't work in the same close team, and if workmates marry, they try and find other roles for one/both of them.

are you sure you want to do this. the HR person may have been the only one to express the concern, but many of the people in your team will be sharing it.

are you peers? will you compete for promotion? or for asignments?

or is one of you senior to the other? in which case does the senior one particiapate in appraisals, pay-rises, promotions, work-assignments of the junior one?

needafootmassage Tue 09-Nov-10 18:21:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarMousePink Tue 09-Nov-10 18:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 18:27:45

Ah, OK - I'm obviously a bit naive and figured that it was my reponsibility to act professionally at work and that if I didn't they'd disipline me accordingly. I've never had my professionalism questioned before so it put me on edge.

I've worked with DH before and really didn't see it as an issue.

I have more experience and qualifications than DH (although I'm younger) and it was made clear by the man that interviewed me that he'd want to fast-track me into a higher, more responsible position within the company within a year. So initially I would be 'below' DH but would quickly be promoted 'above'. When I told DH he said that that was brilliant and that I deserve it as he knows how hard I've worked in the past.

ullainga Tue 09-Nov-10 18:27:51

I would have been angry if somebody voiced such concerns. What do they mean "ensure that professionalism was maintained", are they worried that you and DH will make out in the office and sneak into toilets for a quickie or something?

needafootmassage Tue 09-Nov-10 18:32:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissHissyFit Tue 09-Nov-10 18:32:23

Lamb, congratulations on the job!

How wonderful does your DH sound?! so nice to hear someone being so supportive and helpful to their DW career!

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 18:43:31

Thank you.

DH is lovely,

He's 'print screened' and emailed me some of the computer systems at work so that he can teach it to me before I start (next week) so that I look good, learn quickly and can progress quickly.

If anything, working with my DH will be good as he'll want to teach me things outside of working hours so that I learn quicker.

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 18:45:02

I'm sure I read somewhere that people who work with their partners are often more productive, as they make an effort to prove that their relationship is not affecting their work. Not sure if that's true though.

trixie123 Tue 09-Nov-10 19:07:36

I really wouldn't get worked up about it. When my mum and dad got married she had to leave the firm they both worked for even though they did not work anywhere near each other. It was 1972 thoughgrin. They probably felt they were covering all the bases just in case.

SugarMousePink Tue 09-Nov-10 19:09:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Journey Tue 09-Nov-10 19:11:42

Your reply to the man in HR was extremely unprofessional. Companies quite often don't want spouses working together. What the man was probably saying was we are making an exception here. Making the decision impacted on the whole team - not all team members will feel comfortable with it. This is what he had to bear in mind when making the decision.

You've been very naive and aggressive in your reply to him. I bet you he is questioning his decision after speaking to you on the phone!

ilovesooty Tue 09-Nov-10 19:21:17

I thought she didn't actually say what she was thinking.

SugarMousePink Tue 09-Nov-10 19:38:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Journey Tue 09-Nov-10 19:39:47

Thank goodness!

classydiva Tue 09-Nov-10 19:43:49

A lot of work places wouldn't have even interviewed you. What happens if you have a row at home? Take it to work, thing is you can't can you?

create Tue 09-Nov-10 20:05:58

He could have (and maybe should have) avoided having to say it by not giving you an interview. Would that have been better?

He must have a hgh opinion of your DH and his ability to be professional or he wouldn't have even considered you.

I work for a company where most people are long term employees and many relationships have started in the workplace. However, as soon as they become "serious" one party will arrange to move on, usually at their own volition, because working together is just mad.

Colleagues often do any say annoying things, but you just can't react the way you would to an annoying DH.

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 20:07:02

Don't worry Journey I didn't actually say that to him just thought it, but I've come round to the idea that he was being reasonable now.

If we have a row at home we'd still act professional at work - I just assumed that any couple who worked together would. Neither of us are the 'hold a grudge' type anyway.

I know most of the team members as I've been to Christmas dos etc. and DH is friendly with them outside of work. Quite a few of them said that it'd be a great idea for me to apply for the job (to my face anyway).

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 20:12:02

I sort of get what you are all saying about reasons why a company may not want to employ a couple but I don't really get it.

Just because they are a couple does not mean that they'll bring their relationship to work.

Surely not giving someone who is perfectly qualified for the job an interview because their partner works there is some kind of discrimination.

Or leaning on someone to 'move on' if a relationship starts up with a colleague. It seems silly.

create Tue 09-Nov-10 21:02:27

It's also often avoided as a measure to prevent fraud. Much easier if there are 2 insiders,not saying for a minute that every couple who work together would do it, but it does happen.

When I first worked for a bank, they had a policy of moving staff after 2 years, so no close freindships could form, let alone marriages. (they could form, but you didn;t stay working together)

Lambpathia Tue 09-Nov-10 21:07:45

Fraud? Again, maybe I'm being naive, but how would you commit fraud as a couple? I'm not looking for tips grin just intrigued.

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