OH is in the forces, lives on base 50 miles away in a room with an en-suite and he has a cleaner. He has 3 kids, none of them live with him. He stays here every weekend Friday to Monday.
I work full time I have 3 kids who live with me and I have my own 4 bed house (over 3 floors). The house is mine not jointly owned.
OH's kids come and stay here a couple of times a month. We split the food bill when he is here but I pay the mortgage, gas, electric, council tax, TV licence, phone, Sky, broadband etc etc.
I get the house ready for him and when they come his kids. I also do all the cooking as OH cannot cook 
. Essentially it is gradually becoming his home.
I am not anal about cleaning nor am I a complete slut - my house is lived in although sometimes things slip a bit. Due to simply not having enough time, and not really needing to live in a show home. Admittedly my 13, 11 and 8yr olds should help more, I am trying to get that into place gradually without introducing a regime which involves me barking orders at them about washing up, homework etc the minute they get in the door. As a single mum I would like a good balance.
Recently more and more OH has started nit picking about domestic chores I haven't done in my own home and having a go saying I should get my kids to help out more - to the point he has begun to start on them a bit himself when he is here at the weekends, yet not making his own kids help either (ok 2 of them are only 6 and 4 but there are little things they could also do to contribute, just so there isn't a massive divison between his kids and mine). Often when his kids are here he spends a lot of time on the ccomputer downlaoding stuff while I cook etc .
AIBU and to feel resentful and pissed off about the way he is behaving and how do I respond and make my point without turning every minor domestic chore into a row???
AIBU?
to not want to be told how to run my own home?
Ladyanonymous · 09/11/2010 16:04
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Euphemia - or maybe I should just show him this thread - I know he would be genuinely upset to be percieved like that.
Suggest to him that he do it himself if you are not up to the job. After all, if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing right. You then sit back with a huge glass of wine and mumsnet. 
Classydiva.
Remind me to stay away from your kids when they are adults and can't do anything for themselves. Thanks.
Lady I would tell him how it is. Or how he can get on with it if he doesn't like how it is.
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They aren't slaves, they are part of our family or community and need to learn that they have to contribute to that. Should my sons be allowed to sit on their arses and do nothing until they take a wife to do it for them?
Maybe thats what OH's mum did........
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if he doesn't like it tell him to get scrubbing or pay for a cleaner! Bloody cheek 
Dylthan I do kind of take that into consideration which is why I have let it go a bit but this week I have found myself getting anxious about it which is shit as I just want to enjoy my time with him.
I really like some of the ideas of how to difuse this without it turning into a row and me getting really pissed off.
He also isn't great at verbalising himself very sensitively which I thinks stems from 20 yrs in the forces and I am a little the other way working in the counselling feild...
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