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to be annoyed with mil over taking xmas present idea?

(73 Posts)
soakingfromtheschoolrun Tue 09-Nov-10 09:37:24

About a month ago my mil asked if she should get ds2 a play kitchen for xmas, I laughed and said 'Actually, thats what we decided to get him'. No problem, she would choose something else, she said.

On Saturday dp got a phone call from Mil saying she was just back from toysrus and that she had got ds2 a kitchen, and that if I wanted we could get him one for our house as she was keeping that one their.

When he got off the phone and told me, I said 'We better think of something else then as no point him getting two kitchen, as we a lot so he will have the use of it, and we go to their house on xmas day after opening presents and he would get two in a row' but I was annoyed that she had ignored our conversation.

Dp then went in a huff and stormed off as he is a big mummys boy

So, aibu in being annoyed that she has gone ahead and bought this when it was one of my only ideas, and considering this is not a once off, she and fil are in no means hard up, and often buy both boys whatever we have said we are getting them without asking me if we have even got them, and would it be okay.

I'm not ungrateful in the least, (although it sounds it grin ) just annoyed she has disragarded everything i said.

Sits back waiting to be flamed

c0rns1lk Tue 09-Nov-10 09:39:44

hmmm - can see both sides but really a kitchen at both houses will be fab! Were you going to buy the same one? MIL being a bit awkward though I agree!

bamboobutton Tue 09-Nov-10 09:40:30


get him a massive trampoline so the kitchen pales in comparison?

iloveblue Tue 09-Nov-10 09:40:30


I would be really annoyed if my MIL did this.

CrazyPlateLady Tue 09-Nov-10 09:42:09

YANBU. Sounds like she is doing it on purpose, particularly if this is a recurring pattern. Stop telling her what you are buying and make some suggestions as to what she can get.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 09-Nov-10 09:45:43

I'd be annoyed too. I think in future you should stop telling her what you have in mind.
You can either just be vague and say you haven't decided yet or if you are feeling stroppy you can tell her that you are not going to say, as she keeps stealing your ideas!

The3Bears Tue 09-Nov-10 09:46:03

I would be annoyed if my mil did this yanbu

Cretaceous Tue 09-Nov-10 09:47:47

Blimey, life's too short to worry about that sort of thing grin. Your son's got a lovely present. If it were me, I'd be glad it wasn't cluttering up our house.

She probably saw it and fell in love with it in the shop, and rationalised it in her head that you wouldn't mind.

soakingfromtheschoolrun Tue 09-Nov-10 09:48:59

The trampoline idea was also one she stole from me for his birthday, and is currently in her garden lol.
Dp just think's I'm ungrateful, and I don't want to come across that way.

ANTagony Tue 09-Nov-10 09:51:21

Tough one because it sounds like you both had the same idea independently. I have two MIL's (I didn't loose the first after my ex left) and so feel this enormously. I write a list of suggested gifts of varying prices and MIL1 gets it first then I pass the remainder to MIL2 then my mum and usually sweep up the bits left myself.

What about mini washing machine, ironing board iron etc or pop up toaster and microwave etc to complement the gift?

StayFrosty Tue 09-Nov-10 09:52:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaxTellersOldLady Tue 09-Nov-10 09:54:35

If my PIL ever did this it would be a bloody miracle, but that is another thread!

YANBU, your MIL totally undermined you and your DH is being a twunt about it, but you know that really.

Think of something else to get DC... and DONT tell MIL or DH. grin

QuintessentialShadows Tue 09-Nov-10 09:55:55

Why is she buying him presents to keep at her house?

She really is trying to compete with you isnt she?

In the future, do not give he ANY hint as to what he would like, as he is using YOUR knowledge of YOUR child, to find out what he really likes so that SHE can shine with the presents, and outdo you.

She sounds very selfish and manipulative.

Just dont let her know what you are planning, and buy him an electric motorcycle or equally cool.

wigglesrock Tue 09-Nov-10 09:57:17

No you're not ungrateful, this happened to me last year, funny enough with the same toy!! My mum also does it too hmm Just notch it down to being annoying, if it helps I am currently looking at an ELC mini sizzling carry grill/ kitchen type thing (£35) which we are getting dd. Her kitchen from grandparents last year is fab and she does love it but that's not really the point wink

Porcelain Tue 09-Nov-10 09:58:06

Next time, decide what you are getting, then tell her you want to get something different, and more expensive. Everybody's happy.

FetchezLaVache Tue 09-Nov-10 10:00:50

What you need to do is throw her a red herring next time he's got a birthday coming up and she asks you what you're getting him. See how much glory she gets then!

elphabadefiesgravity Tue 09-Nov-10 10:01:22

YANBU. My mil does this every year to the extent that she buys everything on their Christmas list so no-one else has anything left.

One year dd gave ame a list of 5 ds games she wanted. Mil told me she had bought one of them. I then bought another and asked my Mum to buy a third. Mil was not happy as she felt that one game (costing £30 odd mind) was only a "stocking filler" and she had wanted to get them all.

Dd's ds has broken (no fault of her own in fact dh accidentally broke it) so mil has rushed out the very next day to get her a replacement for Xmas. Dd has only asked for a couple of small bits other than a new ds on her Xmas list.

Every year the dc put about 5-6 things on their lists and every year mil buys at least 3-4 of them. If I don't show her the list she questions the children.

babbi Tue 09-Nov-10 10:03:11

Not worth getting stressed about really ! Though I can see why you are irritated .
Let MN people help you decide on something equally cool.

Cretaceous Tue 09-Nov-10 10:05:55

I don't see why everyone's so het up about Xmas presents. Surely our DC don't look at their presents and think gosh what a wonderful granny I have because she bought me a whopping big kitchen. My parents are pretty crap though, because they only got me a DS game grin. I just don't see the significance.

ConnorTraceptive Tue 09-Nov-10 10:07:31

This sort of thing used to bother with MIL me but now I think "oh well" I can save myself a fortune and put the money towards making xmas special in other ways.

The children still think everything comes from santa so who cares who buys it.

elphabadefiesgravity Tue 09-Nov-10 10:09:50

If it was just me I would possibly not mind so much but it leaves nothing for my parnets to get and they get upset that they can;t treat them too.

The dc know exactly who buys what, Santa just delivers. I had to fight to get mil to let us have the presents in advance so they could be there when they woke up rather than her bringing them round later on in the day so she could give them to them.

soakingfromtheschoolrun Tue 09-Nov-10 10:10:27

Elpha do we have the same mil?
Mine tends too buy all the ideas aswell.

Apart from the kitchen ds1 ds has also broken, and we had suggested replacing it, low and behold mil is buying him a ds xl.

I think this upsets my mum as well, as they can't afford to keep up with her, and my mum is afraid the boys wont be impressed with the presents from her. This is not the case though.

I'm liking the motorbike idea though!

MmeLindt Tue 09-Nov-10 10:16:29

Don't tell her what the DC want.

Or tell her that you have already bought XY (even if you have not bought it yet).

She sounds like a real pain, and I agree with QS. She is trying to buy your DC's love.

Don't worry, it does not work. Your DC may be chuffed to get the great presents, but they can have just as good a relationship (if not better - as there are no strings attached) to your mother.

Think of something not to expensive for your mum to buy but that the DC would love. Some of our best presents have been the £5 stocking fillers.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl Tue 09-Nov-10 10:16:43

A friend of mine has a similar problem - she goes out and buys presents for her dds, and then her mother and aunt come round to her house, insist on looking through them, and then take away those things that they want to give the girls. They do give my friend the money for the toys etc, but it means that my friend has to do all the work of thinking up the gifts and buying them, for her mother and aunt to swan in and pick the best stuff!

I second those who have said next time tell her you want to get your ds present A, so she will go and get present A, then you sneakily get present B, which is the thing you know your ds will really really want!

thebrownstuff Tue 09-Nov-10 10:17:25

I would find it irritating but really not worth getting all worked up about. QS gives good advice - don't give away too much info.

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