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To think it is utterly disgraceful for grandparents to have 'favourite' grandchildren

(46 Posts)
wishiwas21again Mon 08-Nov-10 22:18:37

I mean WTF! Makes me angry

From what I read on mumsnet it happens quite a lot

TheBolter Mon 08-Nov-10 22:19:34

YABU. My db was my Grandma's obvious favourite.

It got me out of a lot of whiskery kisses.

theredhen Mon 08-Nov-10 22:20:04

I think there is nothing wrong with grandparents (or anyone else) having favourite children. What IS wrong is when they show it.

PhishFoodAddiction Mon 08-Nov-10 22:22:28

I don't think it's disgraceful to have a favourite... I think it's disgraceful to show that one is the favourite by singling them out for special attention/putting others down.

My Grandma has a lot of grandchildren- I think she likes some more than others, but she treats us all the same. Well as far as she can considering I'm 28 and her youngest grandchild is 3 grin

Pancakeflipper Mon 08-Nov-10 22:23:12

Why not?
I am my Grandad's favourite. My sister is my mum's fav - they click in a way I don't. Not going to ruin my life over it. Though I might have the odd rant about it when I feeling like a 7 yr old.

PhishFoodAddiction Mon 08-Nov-10 22:23:38

thebolter had to grin at whiskery kisses!

piscesmoon Mon 08-Nov-10 22:27:56

Even if they do have one they should never, ever show it.

brokeoven Mon 08-Nov-10 22:28:21

Ah yes this pisses me off.

My mums favourite is my niece, then my nephew...and ds is nothing to do with her.

She goes to Primark and buys dn a whole new wardrobe, ds gets a book (£1.99...price left on back)

BUT then i was my grannies favourite and we were very very close, i adored her and she me.

sleepycat Mon 08-Nov-10 22:29:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wishiwas21again Mon 08-Nov-10 22:31:11

so by that token it is acceptable to have favourites amongst your own children then hmm

As long as you don't show it of course

MoralDefective Mon 08-Nov-10 22:33:06

MIL always favoured DD over DS1 and DS2...it is part of the reason we now have no contact with PIL.
I say part because there are a ton of other reasons.
Final cut off came when they 'forgot' DS2s birthday and christmas two years in a row.
Haven't seen them now for nearly 10 years,no loss.

PaisleyLeaf Mon 08-Nov-10 22:34:18

It's different sort of relationships from 'your own children' though.
Some grandchildren might be your daughter's DCs (often a closer bond).
Some grandchildren might be more local or just simply see more of them.
A lot must depend on the relationship between the GPs and the parents.

nameymcnamechange Mon 08-Nov-10 22:35:39

Yanbu.

My two children are MIL's obvious favourites over her other two grandchildren. Makes me grrrrrrr!

pointydog Mon 08-Nov-10 22:43:13

yanbu.

I just can't accept the notion that anyone could have a favourite child. I know people say it happens. But I so so disliek the thought of it.

tittybangbang Mon 08-Nov-10 22:45:50

YABU

My mum can't help favouring my dd - she was her first grandchild, named after her, and my mum looked after her 2 days a week from very early on. They have a special relationship. My mum loves all the other children but dd is closest to her heart.

AuntiePickleBottom Mon 08-Nov-10 22:57:17

my sister has 3 children, i was still in school when she had he 1st 2.....now even though i am close to these children, i am even closer to her 3rd child.

it not that i favour the 3rd child more, it just because i feel more of her auntie than a big sister

PhishFoodAddiction Mon 08-Nov-10 22:58:42

It's different OP- Grandparent's relationships with their grandchildren can be affected by many things- where they live, how much time they spend together, interests etc etc.

I don't know if people have favourite children or not. I don't have a favourite DD...but I am DD1's favourite and DH is DD2's favourite- they decided that not us!

ClaireDeLoon Mon 08-Nov-10 23:03:24

YANBU I always think everything should be even, which is something my parents unstilled in us.

But then my lovely DP knows that he was his grandma's favourite and I think it gave him some confidence his parents didn't give him. Sometimes (not ALL of the time) maybe gp's are trying to do their best for the family as a whole. They aren't stupid after all, they've done it before and had parents and in laws to deal with too.

lola0109 Mon 08-Nov-10 23:08:16

I read in an article once that a woman's sons daughters would always be her favouritre. I have 2 dd's and they are definitely MIL favourites, not that she makes a big issue over it, she just kinda clicks with them better IYSWIM. They are all still young though so that can change!

Can you have a favourite DC shock again my dd's are still young so I might realise how thats possible years down the line!

My Dnephew is my favourite of my nieces and nephews as he said "I want auntie lola to be my mummy" bless!! No, I love them all equally!

wilkos Mon 08-Nov-10 23:21:35

I was my grandma's favourite, my sister was my dads favourite. mum was neutral, but I am a total mummys girl so we have always been a bit closer than she and my sister.

My sister did have an issue with me being grandma's number one when she was growing up, but her and my dad became a lot closer as a result and that made up for it it seems.

I couldnt have cared less she was dads favourite, she just was. He loved me and I him but he and my sister just had more in common. Like I had more in common with my grandma and mum.

piscesmoon Tue 09-Nov-10 00:05:35

I think it is terribly sad, no one in my family has favourites.

borderslass Tue 09-Nov-10 05:53:15

YANBU MIL has 7 grandchildren but you would think she only had 1 and that's her DD'S child she makes it so obvious and has bought constantly for her since day one she's now 13. Things came to a head 3 years ago we'd always bit our tongue but DD1 then 16 had had enough and told her exactly what she was like, she denied it but DD1 has never spoken to her since.
We no longer speak either, DH went over earlier this year over poison pen letters that she pushed through the door about DD2 actually threatening her with the police.We'll never speak to her again DD2 nearly had a breakdown over all the carry on between MIL, SIL and her DD.

PTA Tue 09-Nov-10 06:26:41

PIL's always put sil before my wonderful dh. Some of the reasons for it were understandable. I'm from a large family and we are all treated equally as are our children, despite a huge age range and parent's changing circumstances.

However, when my siblings and I get together, we all have different ideas on who is mum's favourite child and who is dad's.

Yet, despite only have 3 gcs, Pils favour Sil's ds to the detriment of my dcs. It's not just a material thing, it's about spending time with my dcs.

What makes me angry is not only are Pils missing out on getting to know my dcs, but dc1 now wants to know why Pils "love abc more than me". Try explaining that one!

goingroundthebend4 Tue 09-Nov-10 06:43:50

hmm it did not show when we was young but as I got into my teens and upwards into m 30s .Its family joke from my cousains that im my granparenst favourite

But more to do even as ateen I would go over regulary and still do now will go over drop of a hat to help with things or just because , where my cousains might remember to call twice a year

and my dc are closer to my mum than my niece but tahts by distance and time , but niece is closer to her mums mum

YunoYurbubson Tue 09-Nov-10 06:51:45

It's not that big a deal.

My gran had 8 grandchildren.

Ann was far and away her favourite. They just adored each other.

Then my 3 older brothers who she felt sorry for because they were from my father's 1st marriage (a "broken home") hmm

Then the rest of the boys.

Then me. She really didn't like me. She wasn't really a bad person, she just saw my mother as the reason my dad's 1st marriage didn't last (not true, mum met dad long after his wife left him) and I was too much like my mother for her to like me. She was big on traditions, buying specific things for each grandchild as they turned 18, 21, got married, had babies etc, but weirdly these traditions all petered out before they got to me.

Point being: I am not particularly scarred by it. As a child you just accept your family as it is presented to you. In my family, gran had a special thing for my big brothers. <Shrug> Children like some people more than others, so can easily understand when grown-ups do too. There is a risk of projecting adult perceptions of a situation onto a child, and that does the child no favours. You are not going to make the daft old woman treat her grandchildren equally, so why point it out to the child?

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