to think the parents should actually give a toss(20 Posts)
Another primary school one, sorry! My DD has just started primary 1 and despite being a very shy child, has settled in really well, doing great with her school work and has made lots of friends which i am happy about. However, i got a call on Monday to say there had been an incident in the playground where a boy in her class had thrown her at a window and she needed an ice-pack for the bump on her head. The school advised the boy was being dealt with but couldn't tell me specifics. Since then, she has been crying in the mornings, not wanting to go, it breaks my heart. Then on Friday afternoon, i was speaking to the mother of another girl in same class who had just been called by the school to advise the exact same thing had happened to her daughter by the same boy. I believe the headmaster tried to talk to the father of the boy but it would appear he didn't take it too seriously as the discussion took less than 2 mins and off they went. We were told that it would appear this little boy 'doesn't like girls!' , but AIBU to want his parents or the school to take more action before another child (girl) gets seriously hurt?
Firstly sorry for your dd abd that she doesn't want to go to school.
How do you know it's the same boy and that he doesn't like girls though? I thought policy was not to say who the individual was?
My DD and the little girl are very friendly, so when they came out they told us 'He did it again'....The mum spoke with the teacher right there and then and told them she knew it was the same boy...they couldn't deny it.
I'm sorry your DD has had this experience and is now scared of school.
As for the boy, you don't yet know what happened, do you? Perhaps the 2 minutes was to arrange for the father to come in for a proper chat.
See how it goes, and certainly pursue it if there are further problems.
FWIW, I've heard lots of girls and boys of this age say they don't like the opposite sex - sadly. It seems to be part and parcel of children identifying themselves as girls and boys. The violence is a different matter, though.
yes the parents should give a toss. that stands to reason. if you are concerned about your DD's safety, arrange to see the teacher and ask what she is doing to prevent the same thing happening again. you should not be told what is happening with this little boy but the teacher can tell you what she does in class with ALL the children.
O.K stupid question here but why can't the parent of the child who has been hurt know the specifics of how the incident is dealt with??
When my DD was in Year 1 she was quite badly hurt 3 or 4 times by the same boy. The first 2 times I went in to make my feelings known (school agreed it was unprovoked attacks each time) but woudn't tell me what things they were putting in place to stop it or how / if the boy was punished.
By the third incident I did insist they tell me and I also insisted the boy in question be personally supervised in the playground since asking the dinner ladies to keep an eye on him or keeping him in at break or whatever secret things they wouldn't tell me about obviously weren't working.
My DD was coming home with facial injuries so I wasn't particularly happy with the response that they would sort it in their own way but not tell me details. I am her Mum. She is injured in their care. I want all the details.
As an aside - the boy's mother was also totally unaware of all incidents until I told her about them. I didn't have a go at her I just showed her my DD's face and she burst in to tears and went to the school to ask why she hadn't been informed and why her son was receiving 1 to 1 supervision that she didn't even know was needed.
I am really sorry OP and I was mad like you about it too but in fairness it happens in school time between two school children so I would be madder at the school than the other parent.
I'm sorry your little girl was hurt, but you don't actually know if/how the boy's parents and the school are dealing with this, so perhaps its best not to jump to conclusions and/or get into an 'us versus the naughty kid' mentality with other parents.
If you aren't happy with how the school dealt with the incident with your DD, speak to the teacher.
giddy, you are entitled to know what the teacher did at the time when teh incident happened and tehre should be an incident report filled in but you have no right to know how the school is dealing with that particular child in general. it would breach confidentiality agreement.
I did speak with the teacher, they advised that they spoke with the boy and told him to stay away from my DD. They told him that if it happened again with my DD he would be kept in for a week of playtimes. They would not tell me if they had escalated it with the parents, which was what i had wanted to specifically know, as they can't divulge this information. They again would not tell the other girls parents if they were escalating with parents, but they did acknowledge that what they were telling the boy was 'not sinking in'. I don't know the ins and outs of the boys personal situation, and i sympathise if there are any underlying issues, but i do have a problem with sending my child to school in the fear that she will be hurt because either the school or the parents wont deal with this.
I agree with Faamily. I'm uneasy about the tone of what you are saying here about this little boy. I know you are angry and upset but try and get the facts straight
Oh, X post OP. The extra info helps. But I suppose you either trust the school or you don't.
I sympathise with the OP Jamie. I don't think she is saying anything hostile about this little boy but there is obviously a problem here (similar incidents with different girls and similar reaction from the school).
This reaction / outward lack of reaction to the boy's behaviour can make the parents of the children who are hurt feel brushed off and cross.
Yes this boy may have supportive / unsupportive parents or the teachers may be aware of special home circumstances they cannot divulge. Or maybe there are no special circumstances and he's just boisterous and a handful / not used to boundries. Either way if its your child coming home with a bruised face and (almost worse) your child who starts to be genuinely afraid of school and hate going because of him, its perfectly reasonable to be angry about it and want it dealt with in a way that ensures it stops.
I guess i do trust the school and i am still very upset about what has happened...i guess one statement that the teacher said 'the school can only do so much, discipline should start at home' has stuck with me, but i don't blame the wee boy at all, he's only 5.
Constantlytired - I don't know if it'll help but my dd was in a similar situation last yr . She twice "bounced off" a much bigger, although the same age, boy in the playground and I had to collect her early with a bumped head, bumped nose, grazes etc. She said the boy was pushing her on purpose. She became wary of going to school and wary of X boy. School handled it really well and actually encouraged them to spend more time together rather than less - gradually it all calmed down - the boy seemed to modify his rough play and they are now really good friends. It may just take a while for everything to settle down, but I do sympathise....
If my child was thrown at a window by another child, I'd absolutely be demanding the specifics. They have a duty of care towards your child and they have failed. You are entitled to know what they are doing to guarrantee her safety.
If the scholl are taking a wishy washy half arsed approach to this and won't communicate effectively with you, then I think you ought to be making your complaint formally to the LEA and Governors.
I know. I do sympathise, I really do . My son (age 10) was bullied last year and sometimes I felt so angry. It has affected his self esteem very badly.
In my case, they never contacted the parents (AFAIK, probably because my son was never physically hurt), and dealt with it by enrolling the boy and my son in a group discussing friendship, and by watching the boy and providing emotional support for my son.
But I kept all this very private. There were reasons why this boy was behaving as he was - and I really just wanted it sorted out for his sake and of course, my son's. And it worked.
Sorry if I sounded a bit hard
... of course, I absolutely believe there comes a point when your compassion for a child who is hurting your runs out .....
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