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to be pissed off? (Another DH/housework thread)

(12 Posts)
WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 12:50:11

Housework isn't usually a huge issue in our house mainly because I don't have hugely high standards and so I can easily put up with DH's general lack of houseworkiness (the little he does is usually enough). I didn't work for a while, then was working part time so I tended to do more of the housework than he did, which again was fine. He's the typical DH who will do jobs if asked but won't take them on on his own initiative.

However, I am now 33 weeks pregnant and my hours have increased in work (which is fine as we need the extra cash and I enjoy it). I now work three full days a week and two half days, which usually drag out longer due to extra work. On my full days I actually have longer hours than DH, leaving earlier and coming home later than him. By Wednesday and I'm knackered and by Friday I'm fit to die with tiredness. This means that I have drastically cut down on the amount of housework I do.

About 8 weeks ago when my hours increased I talked to DH and we agreed that he should take on more of the housework. To be fair to him he now does all of the cooking and hoovering while my main job is cleaning the kitchen. The problem is that he also agreed to clean the bathroom, mop the floors and clean the car, none of which has been done in the last couple of weeks. You can imagine the state the bathroom is in (although I do confess to giving it a quick wipe now and again).

A couple of weeks ago I flipped out (very unlike me and has a lot to do with pregnancy hormones) and screamed at him about these undone jobs. He apologised and blitzed the house from top to bottom. But now, a couple of weeks later these jobs are now neglected again. In his defence he was very sick last week and wouldn't have been physically able to do the jobs but he's been fine since Friday and they're still not done. I am quietly seething.

I know if I go and say something to him now he'll say he was going to do them later. I refuse to give in and do the jobs that I am actually able for (mopping being about the only one) as he promised black and blue that he would take care of them and that he is happy to take this over seeing how hard I work and how pregnant I am. What should I do? Kill him?

mamas12 Sun 07-Nov-10 12:54:35

Tell him because of the dreadful hygeine worries you have about the bathroom you can't in all good consience stay there an ymore ans will book into a nice clean hotel until you have the baby grin

Jeffvader Sun 07-Nov-10 12:57:59

I think you need to sort it out now otherwise there will be an assumption that because you are at home on mat leave then you can take on the bulk of it when in fact the opposite will be true at least in the beginning.

I think, unfortunately, you have allowed this to happen yourself and saying things like, 'He's a typical DH...' really doesn't help. It is not typical or acceptable for one partner to expect the other to do more if both are working.

He has probably just fallen into the pattern because you weren't working for a while. However, you need to sit him down and expalin that whilst you're heavily pregnant/mum to a newborn he really needs to be doing more than his fair share.

Hope you can work it out.

PinkieMinx Sun 07-Nov-10 13:00:15

Very unlike me but I feel YABU - you had a word last time and he blitzed - have a word again

WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 13:02:18

I like your idea mama! I am sorely tempted...

I totally agree with you Jeff Part of the problem is that I'm a big soft doughnut and I take pity on my "poor" DH who's out working all week (yes I know I'm an utter loony). I hate telling him what to do and for some stupid reason I feel I'm taking advantage of him by asking him to do all these jobs while I only clean the kitchen.

Also he tends to get headaches which are quite bad and this often stops him from doing things. I know he uses them as an excuse and I give in very easily.

God I know I need to grow a spine.

WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 13:04:23

I can see what you mean Pinkie, but what is annoying me is that he promised to do these jobs and even put a schedule for himself in his PDA (he's a tech geek). Having to remind him over and over again to do the jobs is incredibly annoying.

PinkieMinx Sun 07-Nov-10 13:13:10

Think you are frustrating yourself and deflecting onto DH. He should be doing his bit - it's his home too, stop feeling guilty. It's not a your job as wife to do these things. Tell him - he promised, he has planner, place is skank - get finger out

WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 13:17:57

My problem is how to approach it - I know if I say something now he'll say "Oh I'm just relaxing for a while then I'll start dinner and clean afterwards," and I'll look like a nagging bitch (not that he would ever call me that). Then, if I don't say anything it could well get to 7 o clock tonight and all these jobs will still be waiting to be done, probably until next weekend. I can't look at the state the bathroom is in one second longer. Sigh.

PinkieMinx Sun 07-Nov-10 13:24:59

Do you reallu give a shit if he says 'I was just about to' then does it. It gets done - if he's not calling you a nagging bitch (good job too smile) then that's your own head creating problems as you seem to feel lacking for not doing housework

WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 13:29:23

I know I'm totally wet aren't I? If ever I'm angry with DH I have to tell him without looking at him because if I look at those eyes I'll just go "Oh it's ok I'll do it" Yes I know <boak>

I hate telling him what to do, it makes me feel bossy and demanding. I definitely do feel lacking for not doing housework - I feel bad for sitting in bed MNing while he's tidying up.

PinkieMinx Sun 07-Nov-10 13:32:10

Yes you are grin I'm never letting DH read this - he will be jealous of your DH's easy life - mind you I rarley let him out of his cupboard if not to clean grin

WriterofDreams Sun 07-Nov-10 13:52:51

I'm pretty assertive most of the time, honest I am, it's just that DH turns me into a big wet sop. He's great in most ways but the housework thing is a major pain in the ass. He bought me chocolates last week because I "looked after him" when he was sick (this involved bringing him a bowl to puke his guts up into) and he makes me breakfast in bed every Saturday and most Sundays (if I'm not up first). He eats food that he doesn't like so I can have a dinner I enjoy and he cuddles me and kisses me all the time. I loves him so.

However, the cupboard option is becoming more attractive by the second. Pregnancy hormones, gotta love em.

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