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I have just thrown MIL out of my house and told her not to come back.

(168 Posts)
ShadeofViolet Sun 07-Nov-10 09:18:44

I have posted before about MIL and her favouritism of DD over both my boys.

In our house we split the weekend so that one of us gets a lie-in. Normally I lie in on Sundays (its a common known thing withing his family) but he went out last night so we swapped.

At 8.30 there was a knock at the door and MIL was there - looking very shocked to see me answer it. She had come to bring DD an advent calendar. Nothing for the boys. DS1 was awake too and he was very upset. The advent calendar was a Dora one (DD loves Dora) and MIL made it clear it was for DD 'I saw it and thought she would like it'.

I told her to take her advent calender and stick it up her arse. I know it was a bad move but I was so upset as DS1 was in tears. Then I slammed to door in her face.

She has since sent DH a text saying 'blood is thicker than water'. DH says I should not have been rude hmm

I am so cross - this is not the first time but its the final straw.

Plumm Sun 07-Nov-10 09:20:18

YANBU. I haven't seen your other posts, but well done for sticking up for DS. Now you just have to get DH on side.

SecretNutellaFix Sun 07-Nov-10 09:20:23

<applauds>

Your DH needs to ask his mother what she was playing at, and until she can show impartiality to all of your children, she cannot see any of them.

TechLovingDad Sun 07-Nov-10 09:20:49

Blood is thicker than water, she should remember that DSes are blood, too.

And she knew DH would accept it without complaint, hence her turning up.

Well done, you. grin

Rocketbird Sun 07-Nov-10 09:21:01

If it was a one off, yes a wee bit rude. But, as it seems there is long long history of this then no, not rude at all. I'd have done exactly the same thing. You can't treat children like that. It's all or nothing.

What does your DH think generally about it?

Faaamily Sun 07-Nov-10 09:22:55

I totally agree with you that your MIL is being very unkind in showing favouritsm towards one of your children.

But I think slamming the door in her face and telling her to 'shove it up her arse' was way out of line.

Animation Sun 07-Nov-10 09:23:42

Don't let anyone hurt your babies. I hate favouritism.

ENormaSnob Sun 07-Nov-10 09:25:52

If your dh had stepped up to the mark over the unfair treatment of his son then presumably this wouldn't have happened.

herbietea Sun 07-Nov-10 09:26:28

Message withdrawn

Vallhala Sun 07-Nov-10 09:27:45

I've read your posts on your MIL's favourtism and YAdamnwellNBU.

If your DH thinks you are. he needs to shove the idea up his arse too. Blood is thicker than water and you've just pointed that out to MIL.

MrsChemist Sun 07-Nov-10 09:27:53

Bully you DH into texting back, "does it make you feel good that you made a little boy cry?"

Goblinchild Sun 07-Nov-10 09:28:35

I think it might be a good idea to be as clear about your feelings every time she prioritises one over the rest.
She may then understand that it's all or nothing, one for all, and all for one so to speak.
Your OH sounds a wet fish, compliance will damage all of his children, not just his sons.

anotherbrickinthewall Sun 07-Nov-10 09:29:42

yanbu. MIL obviously knew she was in the wrong, for attempting to sneak it to your DH.

Georgimama Sun 07-Nov-10 09:30:29

Are your DSs not her grandchildren then? I don't understand what she was driving at with "blood is thicker than water". Or did she mean your DH should side with her?

Either way she sounds menkle. Have you tried asking her straight why she behaves like this? I find confronting bullies with their outrageous behaviour effective.

fedupofnamechanging Sun 07-Nov-10 09:30:31

I think you did absolutely the right thing. It is totally unacceptable for your MIL to show such obvious favouritism to one child.

Like ENorma says, this is your DHs fault too. I wouldn't accept him being angry or criticising what was done this morning. He should have dealt with his mother long ago. I would be cross with my DH for letting this slide tbh. It should never have reached this point.

HeroShrew Sun 07-Nov-10 09:30:48

I'm afraid that by losing your temper you have somewhat lost the higher ground.

If you can bring yourself to be steely cold and reasonable (plus get DH properly on side) it will be much more effective.

IntergalacticHussy Sun 07-Nov-10 09:30:54

well done. prepare yourself for a long protracted feud, during which she'll convince the whole family it's your fault, if she's anything like my so called mil though.

SGertie Sun 07-Nov-10 09:31:48

Hmmm you could have been a little more tactful but if it's the culmination of years of her favouring your dd I understand.
Maybe you could have said no thank you, please take it away until you also get something similar for the boys.
I would love to stand up to my MIL though!

needafootmassage Sun 07-Nov-10 09:33:09

What age are all your children? Are they all her grandchildren? (Not that it would excuse favouritism in a family if they weren't..)

WE had a mild version of the opposite in my family - in-laws favoured the boys slightly, especially first-born grandson who often got embarrassed at the stuff they gave him but not his sublings - but they are a bit better now my DC are grown up. We used to make a bit of a joke about it at home to defuse it, because ultimately there was nothing you could do about it. Eldest son has been very careful about sharing his 'benefits' equally with his sublings off his own back. Their dad can be a bit similar but eldest won't have it and insists he is fair to others. Harder to do that with grandparents though who are rather formal.

BollocksToThis Sun 07-Nov-10 09:33:33

What a complete bitch she sounds.

You won't win any Nobel peace prizes but I think your behaviour was within the realms of reasonable. Maybe it'll shock her into bucking up a bit.

Is there any way you could ban her giving your DD any gifts at all? Seems a shame she should have to suffer but it's either that or your DS does.

And your DH's response to the main issue here is what ...?

needafootmassage Sun 07-Nov-10 09:33:51

Sublings?? Ha ha, freudian!

ShadeofViolet Sun 07-Nov-10 09:36:51

My children are 9,3 and 2 (DD) - they are all her Grandchildren.I think the text to DH was meant to mean that he should choose her over me.

I know I crossed the line by swearing at her but I just lost my temper. If DS hadnt of been so upset I probably would have been calmer - totally my fault though.

ssd Sun 07-Nov-10 09:37:53

YANBU

bloody good on you and you can tell your dh to stick it up his arse too if he doesn't back you

bearcrumble Sun 07-Nov-10 09:38:14

I don't think you were unreasonable but maybe a smile and "Cheers, and where's the one you bought for DS?" would have been better - then you could have feigned shock that she hadn't bought him one and said "well we can't accept this until you get the one for DS too - look at his little face! - there's plenty of time until the 1st December" given it back to her and shut the door.

HOWEVER - you have done what you've done and you'll have to explain it to DH in a very chilled and reasonable manner to get him on side. Don't back down now you've gone this far, or she'll twist it so you'll be made to look unreasonable forever.

PandaEisIsLookingForwardToXmas Sun 07-Nov-10 09:38:24

YANBU

Your MIL is being horrible to your DS and you are standing up for him. Your DH needs to take issue with his mother and stand up for his FAMILY!!

What exactly does she mean by "blood is thicker than water" ? So shes saying that your DH should support her as shes "blood" and you and the DCs are not?? She is very very unreasonable and deserved the door in her face!

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