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To abandon all my principles?

(68 Posts)
quietlysuggests Sat 06-Nov-10 21:54:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairytriangle Sat 06-Nov-10 21:56:39

YANBU. It's a learning curve. Hope he settles better soon.

LynetteScavo Sat 06-Nov-10 21:59:56

You can't hate dummies that much or you wouldn't have one in the house. (Or did you send someone out to buy it?) If the dummy helps, use it. He doesn't ahve to have it during the day, so no one in RL even needs to know.

TheProfiteroleThief Sat 06-Nov-10 22:00:52

Most of the things you list are tactics to support your parenting principles.

You real principles are to help your babybfeel loved, secure, happy and safe.

To do that, you need to be functioning.a dummy/soother can be a great help and can be disposed of at appropriate time (unlike a thumb).

Get some rest. Remembernwhat is really your goal and try to stress less.

I used to sit next to cot in semi-darkness knitting until dds went to sleep.

Rest, then plan tactics for the coming days.

hairytriangle Sat 06-Nov-10 22:02:00

Great advice TheProfiteroleThief.

PinkieMinx Sat 06-Nov-10 22:02:25

YANBU - most do things we thought we might not- dummies have helped DD thru teething - she uses a dummy but sleeps 13 hours at night and 2 in aft. Dummies are bad, sleep deprivation worse.
Maybe research your methods before trying them. Picking up, putting down, repeatedly must be stessful for baby. Gets hopes up of a cuddle, gets put down, gets hopes up, gets put down... Maybe better to let him cry a liitle first - most babies I know cry a little when settling off to sleep in cots.

hester Sat 06-Nov-10 22:02:30

Are dummies so terrible? I thought they were now recommended for under-1s as they protect against SIDS?

Anyway, I truly think that, of all the things you will feel guilty about as a mother, this one is going to rank pretty low. If your baby enjoys sucking to get him sleepy, why not? The only argument against is that there will come a point when you may have to break the habit. But, IMO, that is outweighed by finding a way of helping him to sleep (and you to keep your sanity) right now.

I understand how stressful everything is when you're sleep-deprived. It sounds as though it's been a rough night! Just forgive yourself, get some sleep, and tomorrow you can think through how to take this forward.

Best of luck.

hairytriangle Sat 06-Nov-10 22:07:06

hester it seems you are right.

Apparently, a dummy at night reduces the risk of SIDS dramatically.

www.jellybabys.co.uk/cot_death.php

Thanks for this as I was previously anti-dummy but will now use one for my little one when she/he arrives.

niceday Sat 06-Nov-10 22:07:52

I objected dummies first, then desperately wanted dc to take it...

It will do no serious harm!

TheProfiteroleThief Sat 06-Nov-10 22:08:41

I agree that dummies are believed to have some positive effects. Even if neutral, that can really help a fretful baby. My lot had one at different times for a few months and was no prob to get rid, no issues with speech or teeth. Miles better than a a mummy silently seething or tottering with exhaustion, plus risk of baby using mummy as dummy. Not always ideal!

piscesmoon Sat 06-Nov-10 22:09:37

It is never wise to have principles about an unknown DC-wait and see what they are like and what they need. They are all different.

thehairybabysmum Sat 06-Nov-10 22:09:46

I cant see how using a dummy is so awful. It is certainly better for you if you are currently having to cope with a baby waking every hour.

Please dont be so hard on yourself, i think all of our 'principles' evolve when faced with real life situations that having children involves.

Both my DS's used dummies sometimes when young but didnt want them long term.

If you are really against them then how about trying some other type of soother such as a comfort blanket type toy that your ds could suck on.

TheProfiteroleThief Sat 06-Nov-10 22:10:15

Not that there is any harm in mummy soothing as dummy, so long as she gets some rest and nipples don't drop off! Sometimes, you just need a moment don't you?

quietlysuggests Sat 06-Nov-10 22:13:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5inthebed Sat 06-Nov-10 22:13:43

YANBU, use a dummy if it means more sleep for both of you. 2 out of my 3 DC used a dummy, and I am glad for it as meant I could sleep as well as them.

Hope your DS settles into a good sleeping pattern soon for you, sleep deprivation is not fun.

CarGirl Sat 06-Nov-10 22:15:15

Them have a dummy is better than them discovering their thumbs - I have had 2 dummy suckers and 2 thumb suckers!!!

hairytriangle Sat 06-Nov-10 22:16:13

Sounds like you have been having a hard time lately, hope things get better for you soon - don't beat yourself up! You are adapting your parenting to his needs, and that's a good thing!

curlymama Sat 06-Nov-10 22:17:16

Wow! That link was really interesting. How things have changes since mine were babies a mere 8 years ago!

Mine never had dummies, although at one point I did try and get ds2 to take one. I think the nice thing about dummies is that you can do the dummy fairy thing with them when they get a bit older! It's fab when it works, and could actually be a good thing for their self esteem and sense of independance. And it's got to be better than thumb sucking.

Those bedside cots are fantastic for the co sleeping thing. Again, they are probably everywhere now but I could only find one on the market when I needed one.

piscesmoon Sat 06-Nov-10 22:19:46

If he doesn't want a dummy he won't take it! I hated them but gave one to DS1 (in desperation) and he refused it! DS2 loved his and DS3 had his thumb and he was sticking to it.

quietlysuggests Sat 06-Nov-10 22:19:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueeferSutherBANG Sat 06-Nov-10 22:20:13

QS, your DS sounds exactly like mine. 7 months, waking every hour, being bf back to sleep.
It's killing me.
I threw a laundry bucket at dh this morning.sad

I might try a dummy. I don't like them either. I think what I don't like about them is when you see 3yos trying to talk with them in.

Mumwithadragontattoo Sat 06-Nov-10 22:20:55

A dummy shoved in a toddler's mouth constantly during the day to keep them quiet would be a bad thing. Using one at night to calm a stressed baby who longs to suck is an act of kindness. Please don't think you are doing something wrong. I hope you get a more restful night tonight.

alicet Sat 06-Nov-10 22:22:49

YANBU at all. As another has already said no point having principles until you know what your children are like! Ds1 didn't want a dummy at all although I would have loved him to take it after yet another hour of sitting in the dark with my thumb in his mouth willing him not to wake when I slowly extracted it! (I was previously anti like you).

dS2 LOVED his dummy - until this evening in fact but the dummy fairy is visiting tonight and exchanging all dummies for a thomas duplo toy which he loves. All going well so far and all my friends whose children have been very dummy dependent have dropped them with minimal hassle so don't worry.

Sleep deprivation is truely terrible. I only had 10 weeks with ds1 doing the feeding every hour thing and I was on my knees so how you have managed so long without falling over is a miracle. Good luck and do whatever it takes!

BonniePrinceBilly Sat 06-Nov-10 22:23:34

Those are my principles and if you don't like them I have others! grin

Nothing wrong with dummies, I think they were invented by a genius. babies are hard, do whatever works...principles are all about theory...and the baby hasn't read the same books as you.

Give him the dummy and chill a bit.

quietlysuggests Sat 06-Nov-10 22:24:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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