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To think my sister was a bit insensitive?

(26 Posts)
HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 22:56:38

My youngest sister has been ttc for over a year.

My oldest sister has three children.

Little sis doesn't like people drawing attention to her potential fertility problems, naturally. She is a nurse, and quite well known for being less than full of praise for alternative therapies.

The other day, older sister kept recommending homeopathy, and insisting that our younger sister is completely wrong to not be a fan... trying to make a debate out of an emotive topic, I suppose. She was also saying things like 'if it's meant to be, it will be'.

My younger sister was visibly too exhausted to respond much. It was pretty horrible, tbh.

When I confronted my older sister later in the hope that she might stop, she innocently claimed she was trying to help.

AIBU to think the whole thing was a tad insensitive and cruel?

stretchmummy Mon 04-Oct-10 23:09:22

She WAS being insensitive, but maybe she was trying to help (if in an odd way!) Depends whether she is a
a. A bit of an insensitive twit
OR
b. A bitch
normally. You are in the best position to judge.

In the meantime keep supporting your sister, took me over a year to get pg the first time, it does happen. Has she spoken to her Doctor about it?

HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 23:12:23

Yes, no problems have been found, but she's still waiting on some test results. I didn't want to ask about the ins and outs.

Older sister is often a bit insensitive, but she thinks I'm oversensitive so...

I really hope things work out for my younger sister... she's just one of those maternal people in general...

Imregular Mon 04-Oct-10 23:13:25

Not sure on this one. She may have been trying to help. As it was you that felt uncomfortable (ie not just little sis being oversensitive) then I think probably YANBU

Btw, my friend concieved after reflexology. She's a sceptic but reckoned it was worth a try. I am a big fan of homeopathy - but wouldn't really expect it to work for fertility (no real reason why I think that)

Kewcumber Mon 04-Oct-10 23:14:41

no, she wasn;t being a bit insensitive, she was being hugely insensitive. If I were your younger sister (and I was in another life!) I would see a great deal less of older sister...

HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 23:20:22

Younger sister wouldn't try anything alternative. She loves her scientific journals and the like. Older sister knows this.

She was trying to help, but it would have been obvious to a 5 year old that it wasn't helping.

It really did upset the poor woman.

Kewcumber Mon 04-Oct-10 23:24:17

there is some basis for thinking that reflexology might work - not on any scientific basis but because its relaxing and stress can be a risk factor in low fertility.

DuelingFanjo Mon 04-Oct-10 23:26:30

Yes she was being insensitive. I am sure your sister has heard all of that before, along with 'relax' and 'I knew a woman once who got pregnant as soon as she stopped trying'... sadly this is what people who haven't had a problem TTC do.

HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 23:53:26

'not on any scientific basis'

Then my dear sister will not try... I'm not saying she's right or wrong - just reporting!

HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 23:54:22

At least not as a first line method...

I really hope it happens for her. If anyone should have kids, she should.

Kewcumber Mon 04-Oct-10 23:56:58

no of sourse you shouldn;t use reflexology as a first line basis - why would you use anything that didn;t have some evidence of success behind it! "Oh you'll get pregnant now! when I adopted DS. Nope I won't but wouldn;t "congratulations on the adoption of your lovely DS" have been a more appropriate commetn!

You do harden off to it but it always hurts coming fom someone close enough to know better.

HeathcliffMoorland Mon 04-Oct-10 23:59:17

'close enough to know better.'

Exactly. This sums up precisely why it seemed so wrong.

Kewcumber Tue 05-Oct-10 00:02:29

my sister did trmaple rather insensitively on my feeling when I was having IVF because she really didn;t understand but she doesn;t sound as bad as yours I'm afraid.

DuelingFanjo Tue 05-Oct-10 08:01:51

Kewcumber that's awful! My SIL got pregnant through IVF after 8 years of trying and various treatments and everyone started saying 'oh - you'll be pregnant again naturally next year you know' Really insensitive people.

maryz Tue 05-Oct-10 09:15:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra Tue 05-Oct-10 09:41:21

YANBU, your sister was a bit insensitive.

Assuming she doesn't mean to be like this, coul dyou talk to her and explain that, while she meant well (and I am assuming here that she did mean well), her comments were upsetting for little sister.

Lonnie Tue 05-Oct-10 09:53:17

your sister was BU however she was likely being so with a lot of love in her heart. thinking she was helping and could your sister only get past her "no alternative" all would be ok.. Sadly that is no assurance..

BonniePrinceBilly Tue 05-Oct-10 10:28:20

Your older sister was being insensitive, and a fool. Homeopathy is bunkum. Utter bollocks, and your younger sister has more sense.
Tell OS to keep her illogical nonsense to herself.

TrillianAstra Tue 05-Oct-10 11:16:53

Well yes, that as well. But even if she were recommending a treatment/therapy/whatever that actually does something, she could have gone about it in a better way.

Kewcumber Tue 05-Oct-10 13:50:29

"with a lot of love in her heart" - hmm

Wearing my younger sister hat I would say it love doesn't generally drip form these kind of comments more "I know best, why aren't you doing what I suggest".

There is generally very little thought for how the recipient feels (albeit that they are saying it with the best of intentions) just for what you want them to do.

I think you need to be much blunter with your older sister.

"You are hurting her, shut up unless that is what your intention is"

HeathcliffMoorland Sat 04-Dec-10 21:19:32

Just updating this. Sister has conceived!

Generally I wouldn't be spreading this before 12weeks, but as it's anonymous... grin

taintedsnow Sat 04-Dec-10 21:25:09

Oh how wonderful! Congratulations to your sister! x

BonniePrinceBilly Sat 04-Dec-10 21:27:05

Excellent!

Has your other sister been cured of the bizarre notion that homeopathy could help anyone for anything?

HeathcliffMoorland Sat 04-Dec-10 21:28:29

Unfortunately not!!

ChippingIn Sat 04-Dec-10 21:28:44

Brilliant news

I am very very pleased for her - please pass our congratulations on to her - unless she wouldn't thank you for posting it in the first place!

The Big Question now is - will you tell her about MN or keep it to yourself grin

Do I feel a namechange coming up? LOL

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