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in laws and 'proprietary'; behaviour - talk to me

(113 Posts)
LetThemEatCake Sun 26-Sep-10 23:19:19

I wonder just how unreasonable I am to dislike what I perceive to be proprietary/ possessive behaviour from my in-laws towards my dc

so tell me your tales of in-law woe and I will be better able to gauge not just how bad/ not bad they are but also how out of order I am for getting annoyed!!

mumeeee Mon 27-Sep-10 00:01:11

Depends on what your inlaws are doing.

Tortington Mon 27-Sep-10 00:02:23

yeah dont drip feed come on giz the goss

psychomum5 Mon 27-Sep-10 00:04:18

never unreasonable to dislike, but depends on what they are doing. half stories on here never help you know, we need more info before we throw stoneswink

mumof2children Mon 27-Sep-10 00:14:01

tbh you don't own your child and your post comes across that you own you child and every else should follow

jumpyjack Mon 27-Sep-10 00:18:24

I'll give it a go.

When my DD was born, my MIL bought/made her several outfits head to toe covered in "I love Grandma" type logos. She will only buy books if there is a grandma in it.

She told my DD she would be the one taking her to school on her first day - not us, her parents (she hadn't even spoken to us about what might be happening).

She has told others she can't wait until the granddaughters (not the grandsons) fall out with their mothers (ie. me and my SIL) so that "they'll come running to her".

Any good? How do your ILs compare?

squashimodo Mon 27-Sep-10 01:07:46

My MIL gave my children names that she chose herself, and refused to call them the names we chose.
She came and told me that she will take any of the photos of my children that she likes because my babies belong to her.
Oh, and she insists they all look exactly like her, and that she wants them to call her mum....
Is that batty enough for you, don't know how I don't lamp her one actually..........confused

OTTMummA Mon 27-Sep-10 01:11:45

i'd have mine sectioned if she started telling me what was and wasn't happening with MY child.
I don't own my DS, but he is mine, i grew him and have raised him, he is my responsability, that gives me the right to parent and choose for him until he is capable to look after himself.
no one else gets a look in im afraid, apart from DH of course ;)

Good luck OP.

fedupofnamechanging Mon 27-Sep-10 11:42:44

My ILs wanted my DS to call them mama and papa! She used to follow me upstairs when I was bf, even though I'd left the room on purpose so I could have some privacy. She also used to spend every spare minute (hours/days) in my house cuddling my baby.

Had very blunt discussion (had even less tact when I was younger, than I do now) and put a stop to it.

Think it stems from her ILs taking over when she had a baby. Damned if I was going to let her repeat the pattern with my children though.

She is mild compared to jumyjacks and squashimodos MILs though!

BessieBoots Mon 27-Sep-10 11:44:54

shock at these!

femalevictormeldrew Mon 27-Sep-10 11:49:23

This is absolutely nothing compared to other stuff that my MIL has done, but I have a DD with my husband and one from a previous relationship. My DD2 has the exact same piercing blue eyes as my DD1. My MIL will not acknowledge this in any way, and keeps saying "Oh she has the same blue eyes as her great-grandad had". When I then say they are the same as her sisters, she completely ignores me and says it again.

And she had DD2 in her arms one evening and husband walks in and DD starts to clap and laugh and she said "Look - she never does that when Mummy comes in".

Also she likes to get my DD and sit with my husband, sort of "excluding" me IYKWIM. She would sit and play with just the three of them and turn her back to me as if I was not in the room. And if the three of us are together e.g. on the couch she throws me daggers as if she would love to beat me to death.

I find her very strange to act like this TBH. Tell us what yours have done???

DancingHippoOnAcid Mon 27-Sep-10 11:49:42

karma - other than the bit about wanting to be called mama and papa I think your MIL sounds fairly harmless. Maybe she followed you when you went to bf because she thought you might want a bit of company? And she is always round cuddling the baby because she is a besotted granny.

I can understanding you finding it a bit claustrophobic and wanting some space, but should be able to explain this in a kind way?

ChippingIn Mon 27-Sep-10 13:20:02

Squashimodo - have you had her sectioned??

BuntyPenfold Mon 27-Sep-10 13:25:35

Squashimodo wins so far.

thumbwitch Mon 27-Sep-10 13:31:19

shock at squashimodo's MIL!!

I had completely unreasonable ishoos with my MIL holding my PFB DS when he was very little - she used to clap him on the bum, quite hard IMO, and it used to rile me to a ridiculous level. Calling him porkchop wound me up excessively as well. And saying "oo he's filling his duds" whenever he was doing a poo - gah!

I mostly managed to bite my tongue and not screech "give me back my PFB NOW!" because she is a lovely lady with a heart of gold, who would have been distraught to know I was seething inside (for no good reason other than hormones, I'm sure).

thereisalightanditnevergoesout Mon 27-Sep-10 13:33:08

I'm scared of jumpyjack's and squashimodos's MILs.

It's made me shudder a bit.

thumbwitch Mon 27-Sep-10 13:35:09

Sorry, I don't think I have necessarily explained the proprietariness of my MIL's behaviour - apart from the bum-clapping, it was mostly the use of language that I would never ever in a million years use - and when we moved to Australia it carried on - she would say something that made me cringe, I would say it in a more-appropriate-to-me way in the hopes that she might "get it" but no, it would still happen. "Going tatas" was another - ffs! going for a walk! What's wrong with going for a walk??

<<realises the extent of her PFB insanity here - am mostly over it now, honest>>

TakeLovingChances Mon 27-Sep-10 13:41:02


Mad ladies these MILs! I wonder what the FILs and DHs think?

systemsaddict Mon 27-Sep-10 13:41:58

Not an IL I took my son into my mum's workplace when he was a few months' old, she grabbed him and walked around showing her customers and colleagues, "Look, this is my baby" with great proprietorial pride .....

diddl Mon 27-Sep-10 13:50:31

Well it is hard to comment without more details tbh.

MIL never tried to pretend mine were hers, but would do the-"ah look, he´s doing it for Gran, ah look, he´s smiling at his Gran, he loves his Gran, yes he does.."

Not harmful, just irritating & ridiculous imo.

chaya5738 Mon 27-Sep-10 14:03:12

She insists upon my DD calling her Mama.

And claims everything my DD does as something that she has taught her.

Will start playing DD's favourite toy (her electronic piano) whenever I am holding her so that DD comes over to her.

Reeks of insecurity to me so I desperately try to ignore it...[often unsuccessfully]. I figure the opposite (her hating DD) would be worse.

jinglesticks Mon 27-Sep-10 14:22:33

my ILs are pretty sane compared to my mother. She always calls dd HER baby and when we go to visit takes her away from me and hides with her somewhere. She won't let anyone else go anywhere near her.

BUT - because it smy mum its not really a problem, and she's never mean to me about dd, and its brillliant having her to help me out. So i really shouldn't complain at all.

ilovecats Mon 27-Sep-10 15:32:43

My in-laws came round about less than an hour after I came home from hospital and stayed for hours, and kept insisting I should go upstairs to bed so they could 'take over'. DD was less than 24 hours old! The next day MIL started organising for all her friends and relatives to visit, including people who didn't even know my name.

They have not displayed a single picture of me and DD in their house and recently did a collage of pictures of her with everyone but me.

They kept leaving the room with DD when we went there, so I was left in a room on my own or with DP. When I followed, they would move to another room.

MIL keeps talking about how much closer DD will be to her dad and not me, no idea why that would be the case?

There is so much more, but you get the idea. We moved and cut visits right down. It was the only way for me to cope.

Lynli Mon 27-Sep-10 16:06:26

My DDs MIL, made a nursery in her own house completely decorated with cot, mobiles, expensive baby furniture. Everything my DD would have loved if she had the money.

She then demanded that DD give her her DD every weekend.

My DD wouldn't agree to this but did let her visit, the MIL would take DDs clothes off and dress her in something from the 1920s.

She then told her son, my DDs partner to finish with her, which he did.

She is now trying to take DD to court to get access.

The MIL only had boys and wanted a girl.

Talk about the hand that rocked the cradle.

OTTMummA Mon 27-Sep-10 16:12:24

what a bunch of loonies!

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