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to buy a donor egg if mine are knackered?

(184 Posts)
SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 21:35:43

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Minxie1977 Sat 11-Sep-10 21:38:51

YANBU

chandellina Sat 11-Sep-10 21:43:00

I don't think YABU to consider or pursue it, but there are definitely issues to think about.

SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 21:44:15

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expatinscotland Sat 11-Sep-10 21:46:43

I think some find the ethical and moral issue is that sometimes very desperate women sell their eggs to alleviate their dire poverty, and buying them can be considered exploiting poor women and basically, on par with buying any other sort of body part.

DilysPrice Sat 11-Sep-10 21:47:10

A lot of adults do have concerns about not being able to trace their biological parent - yes a lot of people do have biological fathers who go missing, but no-one would claim that it's ideal. Is it possible to trace under the Spanish system?

expatinscotland Sat 11-Sep-10 21:51:07

it's a difficult decision.

Northernlurker Sat 11-Sep-10 21:51:15

If you don't use that egg it will never become a baby anyway so I think the ethical implications are very limited. If you want a child and will love it wholeheartedly having carried it then go for it.
Susan - I've read some of your posts since you joined mnet and I absolutely think that this a road you and dh should go down. YOur life as parents was stolen from you by a cruel and incomprehensible event and I think you should have the chance to have that joy back in your lives. Not the same joy of course - but a new sort of joy that lives alongside your memories.

YANBU - book the plane tickets!

clairefromsteps Sat 11-Sep-10 21:52:00

YANBU. I can't see that there is a moral dilemma at all and it's a bit sad that you're not getting a bit more support from friends and family. Maybe they'll come round a bit when they've had time to think about it?

BTW, interesting that you say the baby won't know it's 'real' mother. I know you mean the bio mother, but the 'real' mother is the one who gets up in the night, nurses it through chickenpox, goes to their first school play etc - which will be you! grin

SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 21:52:34

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ozmetric Sat 11-Sep-10 21:52:52

YANBU

expatinscotland Sat 11-Sep-10 21:53:39

I agree, Susan, but some see it that way this may be what your family is thinking.

lucy101 Sat 11-Sep-10 21:54:37

Three people I know have done this, two with eggs from the UK, one with eggs from Spain. Apparently under the Spanish system the donor cannot be traced in the future.

There are issues to consider, particularly around telling your children (it is probably best to and early so they grow up with the idea) but it has been a wonderful thing for the people I know who have done it.

tholeon Sat 11-Sep-10 21:54:50

hi

Firstly, many women do concieve naturally over 40, particularly if they have done so before. Others are successful using ivf with their own eggs.

It is not at all unreasonable to consider donor eggs though. I guess that there are all sorts of reasons why people have children and for some the genetic inheritance factor would be important. For others less so. As long as you and your partner have thought about this carefully I think that is all that is important.

fertilityfriends.co.uk has a lot of helpful information for people considering all sorts of fertility treatment including donor eggs.

I remember your previous threads, and I really do wish you all the best. You have always sounded like someone you considers things carefully and with your partner, and I think that is the main thing.

SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 21:54:56

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SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 21:58:05

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WhereYouLeftIt Sat 11-Sep-10 22:00:26

OK, looking at it as a pratical issue rather than moral/ethical ...

"Apparently you can buy an anonymous donor egg in Spain"

Can you? From who? Who gets the money, the donor or the middle-man? If it's anonymous and you never meet the mother, how can you rate the quality of the eggs How can you be sure the donor was not put under duress?

You risk financing organised crime, and you could be buying a pig in a poke. Doesn't sound very practical to me.

chillichill Sat 11-Sep-10 22:00:48

YANBU, but just curious - are you considering adoption? or is it that you really want to carry the child? sorry to pry, as I said, just curious.

chandellina Sat 11-Sep-10 22:03:49

there is lots of information out there, about the broader issues, and the more specific dealings in countries like Spain. Some of it positive, some negative. I think it's the Guardian that did quite a few stories on the "industry."
I found
this article really helpful to figuring out my own feelings on the whole thing.

chillichill Sat 11-Sep-10 22:04:47

whereyouleftit... its spain, not the 3rd world, I don't think egg donors support organized crime. its a proper operation, I looked into doing it when I was at university, and its very regulated. plus, its hardly the kind of thing you buy without research.

Northernlurker Sat 11-Sep-10 22:07:22

this is interesting and explains how the egg donation works.

Susan - all the best with this endeavour grin

SassySusan Sat 11-Sep-10 22:13:58

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andiem Sat 11-Sep-10 22:17:05

Susan I have had donor treatment at IM in barcelona would be happy to e mail if you want

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 11-Sep-10 22:20:04

Sorry Sassy, it was your use of the word 'Apparently' - made it sound cloak&dagger to me grin

chillichill Sat 11-Sep-10 22:22:10

Susan, you obviously have looked into all your options and are very level headed about it all. I wish you the best of luck conceiving, whatever way it happens for you :-)

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