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To be very upset by friend demanding something back given to me 15 years ago??

(556 Posts)
rockinhippy Wed 08-Sep-10 11:39:45

I'll try not to ramble, but already feeling ill & now very upset, so excuse me if I do....I would apreciate opinions as to whether or not I am being unreasonable in, a being upset, & b, refusing.

Some 16 odd years ago, probably much more, friend ...(who is one of my DDs 2 GodMums) gave me a vintage astrakan coat, passed to her by her uncle, but not her style at all, but very much mine..........she said at the time something along the lines of "if you change your mind & don't wear it, or want it in future, don't get rid of it, but let me have it back, maybe I'll keep it or pass it on"

Now I love this coat, repaired the lining & keep it for winter going out for special occasions & have looked after it well, so its still in as new condition

the other day I recieved an e-mail, telling me her DD now 17 had been looking through old family photos, & has fell in love with this coat...& wondered if I still had it & was it used..& could she have it first I was confused & thought she meant a 1 she had passed over to my DD....

e-mail yesterday clarified what she I replied saying, yes, I still love it & wear it with pride & even included a recent photo (we don't live close to each other anymore)

Just now recieved a reply along the lines of....

Sadly DD feels just as strongly about the coat & DD takes precedence over friend, will be popping down to your town next Monday I will collect it then shock


Goddammit Wed 08-Sep-10 11:42:03

Jeez, I think YANBU at all. Also legally am sure it is now yours as possession is 9/10 of the law, you've had it all this time, spent money on cleaning and repairing it.
You are old and close friends, can you point this out to her?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:42:17

It is sad, for you and DD, so YANBU to be upset.

But she did tell you she might want it back in future to pass it on.

Feel for you though, but I think you should pass it on, and not fall out with friend.

BuntyPenfold Wed 08-Sep-10 11:43:22

Can't the dry cleaners have lost it? (you were having it cleaned for her.)

What is astrakan anyway?
Something very expensive I presume.

saintlydamemrsturnip Wed 08-Sep-10 11:44:21

It's a coat?

Sorry I think YABU.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:44:21

I think it would be pretty low to pretend the cleaners had lost it so you can give it to your DD and not hers!?

Hassled Wed 08-Sep-10 11:44:21

Ouch. Weird behaviour over a coat - there's little you can do but hand it over with good grace on the basis that it was hers to start with, but still, bloody weird

A shame you didn't tell her you'd lost it/charity shopped it/had it nicked wink.

cumbria81 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:45:12


She is being totally unreasonable!

I think you're going to have to give it back to her, since in not doing so you will probably have some kind of fall out but I can't believe her cheek in asking for it back.


kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 08-Sep-10 11:45:36

Tell her to fuck off. Her DD would probably destroy it or get bored with it within a couple of weeks.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:46:24

I see I am a lone voice here blush

senua Wed 08-Sep-10 11:46:36

I see where you are coming from but, seriously, it's only a coat. Isn't a friendship worth more?

DuelingFanjo Wed 08-Sep-10 11:46:37

It's a little weird but you don't need to make a big fuss about it. YABU to do so IMO

Goddammit Wed 08-Sep-10 11:47:35

However, I do think that maybe there is a silver (coat)lining in all this. Astrakhan coats are f-in horrible, this ain't the 70s any more, one that was worn by an uncle won't even be cut to fit womanly curves. It;s probably quite true that it would be better worn ironically by a 17 year old.
So why not have your say (and i do think she is being horrible), give her the coat back and buy yourself something really gorgeous, up to date to replace it. Go to a dept store and ask a personal shopper to transform you from Rockinhippy to Madame Fabulous. Have a glass of champagne while you are out and raise 2 fingers to your petty mean-minded pal while you are at it.

BuntyPenfold Wed 08-Sep-10 11:47:48

Pretty low? And I thought it was a cunning plan.sad
Anyway your friend is unreasonable, but sounds quite determined.

TrillianAstra Wed 08-Sep-10 11:47:49

Bit weird of her to promise it to her DD, rather than say 'I don't have it any more', as you normally would if someone saw a picture of your from 16+ years ago.

senua Wed 08-Sep-10 11:48:23

Agree with both fanjo.grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:49:04

two fanjos in agreement grin

BuntyPenfold Wed 08-Sep-10 11:49:35

Is Astrakan the dead-goaty-sort of coat?
As in later Beatles pics?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:49:39

or do you agree with both my statements..wasn't calling you a fanjo grin

LtEveDallas Wed 08-Sep-10 11:50:25

Fanjo - I dont think OP wants to give it to her own dd?

Isn't an Astrakan a type of fur coat? Surprised any 17 yr old would want to wear it!

Also surprised by your friend - I think you will have to give it back - otherwise your friendship will suffer - but if you dont mind that then ask for the cash you have spent renovating it.

Shame you sent the photo really - you could have said it was completely threadbare after 16 years use!

scaryteacher Wed 08-Sep-10 11:50:41

I don't think YABU, as you still wear it. I'd be out next Monday if I were you. Do you value the friend more than the coat? I think she has a bloody cheek, and is pandering to her DD who has shown no interest in it before, and who will probably not like it at all and bin it.

neuroticrobotic Wed 08-Sep-10 11:51:20

It's yours.
Don't give it back!

Unless you want to ruin a friendship, but maybe she's already done that?

Giddyup Wed 08-Sep-10 11:51:52

YABU, Be a bit miffed but just give it back

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 08-Sep-10 11:51:52

LtEve - oops, my bad blush

scaryteacher Wed 08-Sep-10 11:52:33

Fanjo, the OP says she still wears it, and not that she was going to pass it on to her own DD.

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