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...to think I can't go back to this charity shop?

(56 Posts)
needafootmassage Wed 18-Aug-10 22:18:10

I have never in my life trumpeted involuntarily. But today, in a crowded charity shop I squatted down to see the books on the bottom shelf and accidently tooted. Quite loudly. The shop went quiet - I don't know who was more surprised, me or the customers/assistants. There was no-one quite near enough for me to glare at accusingly so I slunk out the colour of a beetroot. (Unusually, the books are near the door in this shop, thank heavens, so I didn't have to do a walk of shame.)

I blame the split pea and lentil bake I consumed last night. It truly was one of the most massively embarrassing moments of my entire life.

Firstly I would like to apologise unreservedly in the unlikely chance that someone here was in the PDSA charity shop at the time for my startling outbreak.

Secondly, do you think they'll remember me if I went back in, say a month or two, or should I leave it until winter and wear a huge hat and scarf? I am mortified, but they do get some good books in there!

2kids2dogsandahorse Wed 18-Aug-10 22:20:37

I'd leave it until winter and then invest in a buttplug before you go back (gets coat)

Vallhala Wed 18-Aug-10 22:20:40

PDSA? Hey, take it from me, we animal rescue volunteers are used to rude noises... and worse!

sanielle Wed 18-Aug-10 22:26:13

Oh the shame give it a couple months at least!

skyeplusbump Wed 18-Aug-10 22:33:22

tee hee! grin

lifeas3plus1 Wed 18-Aug-10 22:41:10

I've had a really shit evening.

Thanks for cheering me up.

I agree with giving it a couple of months! grin

Booboobedoo Wed 18-Aug-10 22:42:22

I take your charity-shop parp and raise you my loud, blattery trump in front of a classroom full of teenagers.

I'd been teaching them for a year, and they were delighted.

arsesandoldlace Wed 18-Aug-10 22:42:59

I disagree! Be out and proud!
Brazen it out and go back tomorrow. Do you have any lentil bake left? Might produce even fruitier fluffs after being left to mature for a day grin

colditz Wed 18-Aug-10 22:43:55

BWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHA

[GRIN]

MissPopOff Wed 18-Aug-10 22:46:38

sorry OP - but that has got me giggling so much!! first time I have laughed at a thread on here grin

I couldn't go back!!

It's like the people who fart in a supermarket aisle, walk off, whilst I merrily walk into it and the aisle seemes to fill up with people who think it was me!!!

BuzzingNoise Wed 18-Aug-10 22:48:42

I was sniggering at the OP but laughed out aloud at the teacher farting!

needafootmassage Wed 18-Aug-10 22:51:33

I feel much better now, thank you all! And especially Booboodedo, because your parp beats mine anyday in terms of quality audience response. I ran before the silence broke, but dread to think of the chorus of tuts and Well-I-Nevers! from the good citizens of my gentle home town after my hasty departure.

I am off on holiday tomorrow but will brave the shop again on my return, disguise free, my head high, (but without having consumed lentil and split pea bake the night before. And I might give the bottom shelf a miss this time).

SecretNutellaFix Wed 18-Aug-10 22:57:13

The worst place I have ever farted was when I had finally relaxed after my wedding ceremony.

Crowded into the Vestry to sign the register I parped. Very loudly. with a slight whiff of nerves about it.

I think the interesting shade of puce I turned gave the game away. At least everyone laughed and din't look horrified, except my Mum. She looked like she wanted the ground to open and swallow her up.

NonnoMum Wed 18-Aug-10 22:57:55

I think the way forward, after having delivered a very obvious botty-burp to an unsuspecting crowd, is to claim it and be proud! Isn't that the British way?

(not sure quite how to do it meself, though)

mumblecrumble Wed 18-Aug-10 23:01:41

Excellent. Easily the best thread tonight.

UnholyMoley Wed 18-Aug-10 23:02:43

Ohhh, was it you that I saw doing exactly this in tesco a few months ago? I'm afraid I didn't even have the decency to look away and ignore, I just burst out laughing. Poor lady.

Katiekitty Wed 18-Aug-10 23:05:48

Foot Massage - first off, you've given me a real life lol, for which I thank you most sincerely afer the day I've had.

odds are the customers won't be back or if they are, won;t remember you

The staff will have encountered things way more strange and with the change in the seasons, you should be fine to put in another appearance around September.

Failing that, make a big donation (ahem, of the saleable kind) and you'll always be welcome there!

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe Thu 19-Aug-10 08:26:54

I had just startled DD with my sudden laughter at this thread!

As a teacher I have mastered the sileent drop technique.

Stand behind child (usually the most annoying one that lesson) silently drop a fart and scuttle away. Watch with amusement as the class blame each other!

BeerTricksPotter Thu 19-Aug-10 08:30:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amidaiwish Thu 19-Aug-10 08:35:29

ha ha ha
at least it was a parp and not a loud wet prrrrrrrrrrr grin

becaroo Thu 19-Aug-10 08:36:42

chortle grin

since having kids I get no warning anymore...I just botty cough with gay abandon most days.

can be a bit embarrasing, espcially when you do it as your child is being baptised (at the quiet part of the ceremony of course) grin

nomorebooze Thu 19-Aug-10 08:40:02

lol, how bloody funny grin try coughing loudly with it to help disguise the noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MaryBS Thu 19-Aug-10 08:45:21

I would say charity shops usually have different staff on different days of the week, so I'd go in on another day for a while

needafootmassage Thu 19-Aug-10 10:26:50

Thank you for all the tips, empathy stories and support.

The only other time I have experienced shame such as this was not even my fault. It was the first time I rather nervously hosted a NCT coffee morning when number one son was about 5 months old. I was very intimidated by the other mums who all seemed to have grand houses compared to mine and were generally older than me.

I was about to take son out to change him and dropped his cuddly - just as I bent down to pick it up, baby under my arm, HE parped a sort of double bass, slow roller, the sort you might expect from a large brickie or a small elephant. You could never have believed it came from a small baby, so my feeble attempts at mock-scolding him ('Oh Baby! That's just RUDE!') merely confirmed to my audience that not only did I have no manners at all, I also practiced a mean form of emotional baby-abuse.

He is 27 now and is not ever going to be allowed to forget this.

MistyMooBags Thu 19-Aug-10 12:37:24

LOL This reminds me of the time my (now-ex) husband was waiting for me in Bluewater Waterstones and accidentally farted REALLY loudly. The place had been really quiet and he was mortified and was trying to ignore what had just happened, until a shop assistant came up to him and said "Please go outside if you're going to do that sort of thing"... He's such a quiet, unassuming guy and I know this must have been one of the most embarrassing experiences of his life. I bet he's never been back since! Never fails to make me laugh when I think of it... (How childish am I?!)

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