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to feel a bit railroaded by my mum wanting to be ds's Godmother??!

(20 Posts)
cheekymonk Sun 15-Aug-10 10:05:00

Morning all. My Mum has just asked me whether she could be my ds's godmother. He was christened in 2001 and is now 6. One of the original gm's is unfortunately no longer my friend and my Mum wants to take her place.
I am pregnant and she said she would be feel funny being gm to new baby as what about my ds.
Can a grandmother be a godmother? How could I make it official?
My mum says she has never been a godmother.
I am surprised being a grandmother is not enough and why she feels she needs this extra honour. To me its something dh and I should choose, not be forced into doing but of course I do not want to hurt her feelings. I just do feel railroaded. AIBU????

electra Sun 15-Aug-10 10:06:52

AFAIK it's not usual for grandparents to be god parents. My children's god parents are all of the same generation as me.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 15-Aug-10 10:08:31

She is his grandmother. This is very odd.

YANBU, anyway, the baptism has already happened. Are you supposed to do it again?

Hassled Sun 15-Aug-10 10:09:17

Well you could put it to her that you'd like the GM to have some sort of role in your DS's life/upbringing should anything happen to you and your DH. And given you're likely to outlive your mother, having someone else closer to your generation makes more practical sense.

It is a bit odd that she feels she needs an extra honour. Is she maybe fishing for a bit of reassurance that she's loved and valued?

Decorhate Sun 15-Aug-10 10:09:41

I don't think you can change godparents after the event.

My grandparents were my godparents but haven't heard of anyone else doing that. Mine died when I was a child, would have been nice to have godparents around as I grew up...

Rockbird Sun 15-Aug-10 10:10:52

I'm godmother to my two nieces but I've never come across a grandparent as godparent and if it was usual, my family would have done it!

Don't feel railroaded, it's your choice and as for taking the other gm's place, that's really odd. Your gm is your gm, you can't be sacked!

ruddynorah Sun 15-Aug-10 10:12:10

It has no meaning anyway. My grandad was my godfather and brought me up after my mum died. If it's for that then you need to write it in a will to make it official.

ratspeaker Sun 15-Aug-10 11:18:57

I dont think you're being unreasonable
I thought godparents were there to help the child knowing about the faith/religion.

I dont know if you can change them after baptism, ask the priest, minister or vicar

Guardians are what you need to put down in wills if you have a person in mind to raise your kids if anything happens to you. Or if you were living out of the country and the kids were staying behind at school a guardian can be named to have the power to sign forms in case of medical emergencies etc.
I dont think in law godparents are automatically guardians

cheekymonk Sun 15-Aug-10 11:18:59

Thanks guys! My 1st reaction was that it was a bit odd and like you hassled that she is feeling insecure. It does feel very 'needy' to me and does make me concerned about her mental wellbeing at the moment.
No she doesn't want a re-run of original christening, thank goodness!
We live 3 hours away from Mum and I know she wishes she could see ds more.
Think we need a good chat!

cheekymonk Sun 15-Aug-10 11:21:24

Mum and I have talked about her looking after ds if anything should happen to dh and I, so I don't think its about that as she knows she is our 1st choice. She is coming on holiday with us so we hardly exclude her from our lives either. It is worrying.

proudnsad Sun 15-Aug-10 11:25:59

That's bonkers. Sort of thing my mum would bang on about. YANBU.pp

ChippingIn Sun 15-Aug-10 11:34:14

It is a bit worrying isn't it.

Do you think, that she thinks, DS needs a bit more religious guidance than he's getting?

I would talk to her about 'life & stuff' while you are away on holiday, try to get to the bottom of what is really bothering her.

It is very unusual for Grandparents to be Godparents.

It's more worrying that she feels the need...

needafootmassage Sun 15-Aug-10 11:39:54

I don't think it would do any hard whatsoever for you to simply tell your mum you'd be delighted for her to replace the 'missing' Godmother - she would do a better job than the woman who was originally in the role. What does it mean anyway? Not a lot, because she'd always be there for your children, so if it makes her happy for whatever reason, then why not agree. It all seems perfectly harmless if a little eccentric.

DinahRod Sun 15-Aug-10 11:40:24

Does she feel worried/relegated - particularly re another woman having an 'official' role at a family celebration?

Maybe give her a hug, say don't be daft you're their grandmother which is far more important.

cheekymonk Sun 15-Aug-10 11:44:48

sensible advice ladies, thank you xxx

PuppyMonkey Sun 15-Aug-10 11:51:45

I'd just say ok then and move on, it doesn't mean anything anyway does it?

susiey Sun 15-Aug-10 16:33:24

we have a no family as god parents rule in our family as this avoids all of the aunties and uncles etc wanting to be them.
they are already related no reason for them to be godparents as well

elmofan Sun 15-Aug-10 16:46:26

My grandmother is my godmother .

If it will make your mum happy then i dont see the harm in letting her step into the role tbh .

alicet Sun 15-Aug-10 17:03:21

We are not religious so its a non issue for us but I have to say I have always thought the same as susiey. If we had chosen godparents for our dss (or whatever the non religious equivalent is) then we wouldn't have chosen family - to our minds this is a role for someone extra to the child - parents / grandparents / aunts / uncles etc already having that special relationship.

I also think its a bit strange to firstly ask to be a godparent and also to become one after the fact. I would be giving her a hug and saying 'don't be silly you are already his incredibly special grandmother you don't need to be his godparent' in an affectionate rather than critical way (in case that doesn't come accross written down)

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Sun 15-Aug-10 20:09:06

sorry but anyone who asks, would get a no.

grandparents already are grandparents, they are the most important person in a childs life after mum and dad, my childrens god parents are 3 very close friends and bil.

Our three friends are people we want to be a big part of our childrens life and it felt like we were inviting them into the family, imo it doesnt seem a fitting role for a grandparent.

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