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to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

(692 Posts)
YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 09:47:10

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

DaisySteiner Thu 05-Aug-10 12:13:33

You still haven't answered my question. I'll make it easy for you as there are only two possible answers that I can think of.

Either:

1) You hadn't thought about having a stair gate upstairs because you think it is safe not to have one.

or

2) You're locking your ds in his room while you have a shower.

Which is it? 1 or 2?

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 12:13:39

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 12:13:45

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

Patsy99 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:14:02

Op - as I've said I think YABU about the safety side - it's definitely not neglect!

But from what you say you're pretty fed up with your OH about several other things - fairness about money in particular - and it is all boiling up into a scrap about safety.

If your OH doesn't think it's necessary to supervise all the time (as I don't) he should be prepared to put effort into making sure downstairs is reasonably safe. And your fianncial arraangements sound really unfair. Is it this that you're really angry about?

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 12:14:04

Was your OH supposed to sit in the van without taking his eyes off your child all the time? Or was he allowed to blink?

mayorquimby Thu 05-Aug-10 12:14:40

"is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room?? "

So is it the altitude at which they are left literally the only sticking point?
How is alone downstairs any different to alone upstairs?

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 12:15:07

knickers, calm your self grin

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 12:15:24

shock

Of course he can't blink Orm! You BLINK when looking after your DC's?! how neglectful

DreamTeamGirl Thu 05-Aug-10 12:15:32

I 'neglect' my child by having a shower shock

yet I am not the one with bleach and sharp knives left lying around and an unlocked door...
because I put on door locks ...
FFS ...

What sort of windows do you have on car that lets him trap his fingers???????

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 12:16:02

(argh!) yourself

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 12:16:06

Headbanger grin

OP - seriously?? 'That's why I have a man around' (sorry I can't bring myself to replicate your spelling)

If you haven't got a stairgate at the top of the stairs, then how is he safer upstairs while you are in the shower?
DS normally sits on my bed while I have a shower - I leave him with some books and often an episode of Peppa and he is fine. If he gets bored then he climbs down and either plays in his room or comes into the bathroom to talk to me. But I have a stairgate across the top of the stairs so that he can't hurl himself down by mistake.

You have another baby coming and your toddler will have to fend for himself a lot more, so I suggest that you do some more childproofing.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:16:09

can u not shower when the kids are in bed??

I manage fine without showering when he's awake so im sure all u single parents can do just the same!

And the reason its ok to leave him upstairs without the stairgate on the top is -1)i would either shut the stairgate on his room so he can play nicely in there or 2) he is still within earSIGHT ( grin ) so i can communicate with him and hear where hes at - plus i leave the bathroom door open so i can see if he walks towards the stairs.

good enough answer?

I didnt suggest that evryone must agree with me, but nasty comments about me personally rnt really useful.

i was honestly wanting opinions as i wanted advice on firstly am i going crazy and secondly how can me and OH come to some sort of agreement on child rearing which doesnt leave me angry and resentful and leave him feeling like shit? Maybe its a family thing as my mum totally agrees if not inspires me to moan yet his mum is more like him and doesnt really 'watch' DS as much.

I really do want to lose go a little as i am so angry with OH inside all the time as i feel he's not listening to me or doesnt see where im coming from and i would like to get our rship back to how it used to be before all this crap started.

but unless i spend 50 odd quid on babyproofing then the situation is still going to be the same is it not? I can do all the moving bleach etc around but i do not have the money to be buying stairgates/cuboard clips etc when as selfish as this sounds, its not me who needs them.

Patsy99 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:16:55

Actually I expected my DH to put the cupboards locks on, DIY is one of the few things he does around the house. His job imo.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:18:11

Message withdrawn

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 12:19:27

ergh, no. I shower in the morning.

Shodan Thu 05-Aug-10 12:20:38

Gaily flinging around accusations of neglect and/or 'being male' isn't going to help your cause at all, you know. Those of us who have child-proofed our homes (in whatever way, be that door/drawer locks, moving dangerous items our of reach, stairgates or whatever else) may well feel that a parent who doesn't do these things is neglectful, in fact.

Don't be so wet, either. You're claiming that your OH isn't as responsible as you because he watches your child differently- but you won't shift yourself to fix a few locks on! Screwdrivers aren't that difficult to understand, you know.

In answer to your question, yes, YABU. If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.

DaisySteiner Thu 05-Aug-10 12:21:48

What if you shut your eyes while you're concentrating in the shower? wink

Seriously though, you are a bit deluded if you think that a toddler wouldn't be able to sneak past a bathroom quietly. Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't started climbing over the stair gates.

You do need to accept though that your dh may want to do things differently though and that is no bad thing in itself. Why not just make downstairs safe so that you can both do things the way you want? Why is your way the only right way?

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:22:59

Thank you Patsy99. I fail to see y its my job to do all the safety netting in the house?

What job do men have in bringing up the kids then if im expected to do everything??

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 12:24:11

If it concerns you that much, and your OH hasn't done it...quit bitching about it and go bloody do it ffs

Patsy99 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:24:17

I agree with Stewie - this is just a surface problem. Why does your OH have more money than you? Why is it your responsibilty to pay for childproofing stuff?

God knows there are zillions more thing to argue about when there are toddlers about.

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 12:24:28

OP, presumably he goes out to work?

Aitch Thu 05-Aug-10 12:24:34

you sound a little controlling, he sounds a little lax. annoying, but you are going to have to meet in the middle if your home isn't to become a battleground.

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 12:26:40

But equally there is no use in fuming because he hasn't done something you see to be his job.
You sound like a stroppy child 'if he's not going to do it, I'm not going to do it...' attitude will get you nowhere.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:28:38

I can see thru the bathroom door and our floorboards are so creaky i hear every move he makes on the landing.

Downstairs i am unable to hear him at all.

I am trying to accept he does things differently but my head will not allow me to just sit back and watch my DS hurt himself in situations that i wouldnt hav let happen myself. How can anyone do this? Serious question, as i would love to know how to let go of this fear!

I did get out of bed myself in answer to another comment. OH has been trying to be more involved in the last month and so he gets up with DS as he leaves for qork at 7:15am and so is up anyway. as soon as i knew he wanted a shower, i got up myself. I am not some sort of lazy mother who does nothing, i work full time andusualy do most of the child rearing due to OH never being around. not that this has anything to so with the subject!

nancy10 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:29:01

What's more important, tittle tattling and getting angry over who puts cupboard locks, stair gates up or your dc safety and independance. I've asked my dh to do lots of things around the house which STILL need doing, I imagine most people are the same.

MrsFC Thu 05-Aug-10 12:29:34

'nasty comments about me personally rnt really useful'

Then don't say that leaving a child alone while I shower is neglect.

Aitch Thu 05-Aug-10 12:29:52

oh it probably has everything to do with it, tbh. do you think your marriage is in a tricky patch?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:31:03

Message withdrawn

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:31:36

He is the one who doesnt watch DS enough to need to childproof so y hasnt he gone about it himself to put locks/stairgates on?

Becos he doesnt think he needs them on.

so unless i spend evry penny i have on things to put in place due to his lack of parenting the house wont get child proofed.

but i supose this is my faut as well, i should pay for everything, do all the work all becos he doesnt watch DS enough.

Oh please.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:32:09

We arent married.

prettybird Thu 05-Aug-10 12:32:22

Mentioning children climbing over stair gates reminds me of the time when we realised that ds was ready to move from his cot to a bed: age 2.5, he shuffled into our bedroom in his sleeping bag, rubbing his head and saying "ouch" grinblush

We can only presume that he someone managed to swing his (encased) legs up over the cot side. A stair gate would have been a piece of cake! grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 12:34:37

The first thing you need to do is sort out shared finances, otherwise your relationship is NOT going to be fine once your children are out of the the baby phase. What will happen when you are on maternity leave? What money will you have access to.

Far more going on here than a difference of opinion over leaving a toddler alone for 5 minutes or not.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:34:37

Message withdrawn

lifeas3plus1 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:35:23

Well, I just got out of the shower and ds is still very much alive..... The Argos catalogue however, is not.
grin

I think you should just go and spend 10 minutes re arranging your kitchen so it's actually safe for your child rather that being sat on here accusing people of neglectbecause they dare to have a shower!

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 12:36:24

But if your so bloody worried then PUT.THEM.ON.YOURSELF. and quit frigging whining...you sound about 5

Oblomov Thu 05-Aug-10 12:37:23

I leave ds2 1 and 3/4 downstairs ehile i shower or do somethjing upsatirs. i do this all the time. he plays. or he comes up and sits with me.

why all these mums seem to think you can't leave a child on their own is beyond me.
some children are terrors and would paint your lounge blue in 2 seconds. but not all. you probably haven't trained them properly. or are too helicopter parenting to notice that they can do things on their own. they don't need ot be attached at the hip 24/7 you know.

but i see this thread has moved on to other marital issues !!

nancy10 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:37:23

Who is supervising your son while your on the computer???????????????????????????

MmeLindt Thu 05-Aug-10 12:37:47

Ok, leaving aside the concentrating on having a shower (LOL at MIFLAW) you really need to have a chat with your DH about being responsible with your DS without you feeling resentful and nagging.

Can you give us examples of the kind of thing that you find unacceptable?

Tbh, I think that the car window thing was just an accident. My Dad shut the car door on my fingers by mistake when I was about 8yo.

Child proof your house. Why are you bickering about whose responsibility it is to do it, or who should pay for it?

If your DS takes a swig of that bleach while you are emptying the potty, it will do youno good to say that it was your DH's responsibility.

mumeeee Thu 05-Aug-10 12:38:29

UABU, I used to leave mine downstairs at that age or would try to. They often just followed me upstairs! You can't always be taking them with you.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:38:46

The only issue in our relationship rite now is this and its causing problems. We dont really argue as such - i will step in and look after DS wen OH leaves him and OH will walk off mumbling 'here she goes again..' and there is love there between us so its not having an effect on DS yet.

The only way i can see this being resolved is meeting half way - i am prepared to tone it down, let him learn by himself but he needs to up his barrier a teeny bit aswell. He cant expect it to be all give and no take yet he wont listen - if i talk to him calm or scream, either way he doesnt listen.

Im not a 'keep the child strapped to you 24/7' person - in fact, around my mum i look like im not looking after him properly but OH just goes to another level.

The simple question was y didnt he just bring him up to me? I was rite upstairs. If i wasnt in then fair enough, child proof the downstairs but i was and he brings him up every other day. Its not too much to ask is it??

BonniePrinceBilly Thu 05-Aug-10 12:40:26

I'm a woman you nobber, although I do know how to use a screwdriver.

And if you were looking for "nice support" to be a sexist nag, then Bounty is ----->

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 12:40:53

This does remind me of the helicopter parenting/henhouse thread

But OP, yes - the issue actually sounds more about financing for these things. Why don't you have money? Don't you have a joint account for house things or similar?

traceybath Thu 05-Aug-10 12:41:01

Oh dear - you've reached the 'angry' stage of your pregnancy - I had that too grin

But you know - I frequently leave ds2 who is 2.5 downstairs whilst I have a bath. He normally wanders up to chat to me though but he is a very easy going/unadventurous child.

I think you need to get your finances sorted out with your DH so you're not paying for everything and you can get some more stair gates.

And perhaps just ask him to sort the draws out if you don't want too.

Good luck smile

I did lol at Seeker and MIFlaw.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:41:02

nancy10 Im at work so my mother is at home with my DS. albeit not doing much work but im having a boring day.

MmeLindt Thu 05-Aug-10 12:41:35

I agree that he should have brought your DS upstairs. That was this morning.

You have to sort things out for every other morning.

And you have to take a step back and stop "protecting" your DS from his father.

It is hard, I know my DH lets the DC do more than I would allow them to do but I have to bite my tongue.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 05-Aug-10 12:41:48

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StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:42:50

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Casmama Thu 05-Aug-10 12:44:36

I think that you should post in relationships instead. It sounds like your relationship is making both of you unhappy and this cannot be of benefit to your ds regardless of stairgates or locks or any of the rest of it. I don't think this is the source of your unhappiness and as such you will be constantly feeling that you are trying to justify yourself on this thread so that everyone knows quite how hard done by you are.
You need to talk to your dp and let him tell you how he feels too. Bitching to your mum and allowing her to get you even more wound up will not help anyone.

Oblomov Thu 05-Aug-10 12:44:53

I think we better stop ladies. Op can not see that she is being irrational and unreasonable. no good trying to convert the unconvertable.

YellowDaffodil Thu 05-Aug-10 12:45:18

YABU - for what its worth my DD could open the stairgates at that age - and ours were 2 different makes so no point replacing them with a different brand.

I leave DD while I have a shower, DH is away a lot and I like to have a shower before work. This has been happening since she has been in a bed, prior to that she would play in her cot. I am not neglectful by the way.

Just out of curiosity whilst you are upstairs for a couple of minutes doing your makeup would you hear your DS drinking bleach? Seriously is your hearing that good? To be honest I would consider a shower a more reasonable excuse for leaving a child than putting on my face - but thats just me.

As for him not putting the cupboard locks on - do it yourself. DH asked me to sow a button back on one of his shirts last week, I haven't done it yet and if I don't get round to it he'll just take it to the dry cleaners to get it done. He won't go on the Internet and slag me off and suggest that I am in fact a man because I am thoughtless!

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 12:45:35

It doesn't matter that you were there or not.

Child proof your downstairs - stop whining about who's responsibility it is. You are a grown woman, so get off the computer and go and do it yourself.
Clearly your DP doesn't think it needs to be done, but as YOU do, then you flipping well do it.

How exactly are you going to let your DP 'learn' how to be a responsible parent if this is your reaction to (mostly) sensible people?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:45:56

Message withdrawn

Sidge Thu 05-Aug-10 12:47:36

Well if you don't like it then either:

1. Get up yourself and watch DS

2. Babyproof the downstairs of your house. No doubt there will come a time when you are alone in the house with DS and a new baby and won't be able to watch him that closely.

3. Ask your DH to take DS into the bathroom with him.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:48:18

lol at traceybath, yes i do think there are some hormones in there exaggertaing the crime a little but its just an ongoing issue.

the whole trapped fingers issue occured when my OH was asked to spend just ten minutes one on one attention with DS as he doesnt ever 'play' as such with him and i wanted them to have some play time yet he couldnt hold his concentration long enough before reading a CD case and letting DS entertain himself (which is fine!) but on this occasion i just wanted him to give DS ten minuted of attention without doing other things.

i think its all the little things that have happened which no one knows about that have all mounted up to cause one big issue. and my point isnt coming across very well on here as no one knows the past and it would take too long to explain it!

Just want OH to be more attentative with DS thats all,is that too much to ask?

I have other people i can get to do the draws etc but in my time with Ds i have never needed this safety net as i dont leave him alone unless i can hear what he's doing.
if my OH wants to have a longer reigns with Ds then shouldnt he have figured out himself that he needs extra baby proofing or do i need to do all the thinking for him?

loler Thu 05-Aug-10 12:48:32

I have a 2 yr old - he entertains himself around the house all the time - when I'm doing washing etc. We've got one cupboard that is out of reach that has all the chemicals in. Never had stairgates in this house as DD fell downstairs onto one after climbing over the one at the top of the stairs in our old house and I think they can be more dangerous than having nothing. So to childproof this house has been cost free and pretty easy.

I would agree with everyone on this thread that you need to have a good talk with the OH - meeting in the middle on subjects is an ongoing thing when you have dc, it gets worse as they get older and you have more dc. Learn how to really talk now - it will help in the future!

Good luck with dc2.

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 12:48:49

shower at night is nigh on impossible when you have light sleepers.

You really are deluded arnt you?

Christ, you can tell its the school holidays.

Sort ursen owt n strt talkin propa like den u mite get a better reponse no wot a mean?

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:55:19

What on earth was that about knickers0nmyhead?? my DS is a very light sleeper and i manage just fine having a shower when he's in bed!

Im actually at work, im 24 and work full time and have done since i finished university last year if the school holidays comment was trying to refer to me as being young, sorry for not wanting to typer every single word out, how behind with times are u? fyi i havent actually used the abreviations den and 'n' so please get it rite before u bitch. what do i need to spell everything out now for you to be able to read??

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:56:42

and i dont actually shower at nite very often as i somehow manage to shower in the morning without leaving my 2 yr old downstairs on his own. look at that.

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 05-Aug-10 12:58:05

oooh handbags

FYI MNers are not particularly fond of txtspk and infers LOTS about a poster who uses it

Oh, and I've got four words of advice for you:

righty tighty, lefty loosey

HTH

BuzzingNoise Thu 05-Aug-10 12:58:55

your local children's centre can give you free cupboard and drawer locks. My one even lends out stairgates for next-to-nothing, so it's worth asking them.

LoveMyGirls Thu 05-Aug-10 12:59:44

"but unless i spend 50 odd quid on babyproofing then the situation is still going to be the same is it not? I can do all the moving bleach etc around but i do not have the money to be buying stairgates/cuboard clips etc when as selfish as this sounds, its not me who needs them"

You really think it's not worth spending £50 to help protect your son from danger? Why not ask your dh to purchase safety stuff if you don't have the funds? Not that I think it would cost £50 as you can get a kit from poundland and a stairgate for around £20 and ask your dh to watch ds while you move things in the cupboards around.

Your money situ is messed up imho but that's up to you and your DH. Personally we have a joint bank account and share everything, our home, our children, our time, our family/ friends and money as imho that is what being a family is about and this is where you are fundamentally floored on top of having communication issues.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 05-Aug-10 13:00:51

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StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 13:02:21

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Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 13:03:41

BoysAre grin

I always say "right is tight, left is loose". But I prefer your version.

OP I think people are responding negatively partly because of your delorable 'writing' style, which is perhaps unfair(perhaps you could try NetMums? <mischievous>), but also because you are so defensive & aggressive towards anything that's not a pat on the head...

It seems to me that you need to look deeper than cupboards and showers. Your relationship is plainly hopelessly imbalanced: I have never in my life heard of a mother allocating her partner precisely ten minutes in which he must interact with his child. No-one, not the most involved and saintly of fathers, is going to respond positively to that sort of treatment.

Can't remember who suggested Relate, but I do think you should consider going...

And sod pregnancy hormones: it's not an accuse for being a shrewish auld harridan.

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 13:05:46

Stewie I hadn't thought of that (re. dyslexic or partially sighted MNers). Much better reason for the Queen's English than my pedantry I must say! grin

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:05:53

we have our own money, i spend mine he spends his. nothing wrong with that its just until we are settled (we r emmigrating next year) we dont feel the need to share bank accounts etc.

stairgates will cost 15 each and we need 2, then theres the cuboard+draw clips, we tried buying cheap poundland ones but they just dont work.

I am taking advise from people on here btw, the only reason i made comments back is after people started offending me as a person when i dont really see how this will help knowing im a moaning hag etc??
I plan to buy stairgates, will have to pay for them myself as oh wont pay so another expense for me when im already buying all of the baby's things and trying to save for emmigrating next year. i just dont c y i should do all of the thinking in our family, y couldnt he have thought 'we need a stairgate on the kitchen honey' and gone and bought one?? y do the women do all the thinking?

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 13:07:38

urm....no actually, it was nothing to do with your age. Text speak on a forum is just vile. I use my phone and still manage to type correctly, so yes, you should do it properly.

My kids have free reign of the house, bar the kitchen. So if they are downstairs whilst I get a shower, then so what. Ds is not even two and he can climb the stairs and come back down.

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 13:07:42

urm....no actually, it was nothing to do with your age. Text speak on a forum is just vile. I use my phone and still manage to type correctly, so yes, you should do it properly.

My kids have free reign of the house, bar the kitchen. So if they are downstairs whilst I get a shower, then so what. Ds is not even two and he can climb the stairs and come back down.

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 13:08:48

I tend to agree with starlight. Feeling sorry for yummy now.

But yummy, there is no one right way of parenting. Your DH's method may be different from yours it isn't wrong. And as he is your son's parent too you have to trust him. Accidents happen and most of them don't cause major injuries - and it is a way for a child to learn.

Casmama Thu 05-Aug-10 13:09:11

"We don't feel the need to share bank accounts"
"I will have to pay for them myself as oh won't pay so another expense for me when I'm already buying all of the baby's things"

You are contradicting yourself.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 13:11:51

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StarlightMcKenzie Thu 05-Aug-10 13:11:52

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YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:13:09

StewieGriffinsMom but its ok to use the whole mumsnet abreviations then - like OH/MN/DS etc?? so there are now rules by which i have to type in order to not have you guys jumping down my throats?? thats bizzare.

I will type how i like, dont c what that has to do with me other than im 24 and thats how we grew up typing, just like the 18 yr olds now who use terms like 'dem' meaning 'them' etc. u dont need to stereotype from the way people type.

why do people take things so literally, i didnt 'allocate' ten minutes for my OH to interact with Ds, i was cooking dinner and so tried to encourage him to have one on one time by saying 'y dont u take him to ur van for ten minutes?' as i know he loves daddys van. jees. i didnt say 'u have ten minutes to go and socialise with ur son and dont come back until its completed'

i totally agree im OTT and need to tone down so a little unreasonable but he is also unreasonable and needs to tone it UP a little.

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 13:13:39

"The simple question was y didnt he just bring him up to me? I was rite upstairs." Maybe because he thought a child who, in some countries, would by now be in compulsory education, was old enough to be left alone for five minutes and trusted not to drink bleach while simultaneously circumcising himself with the Kitchen Devil.

You might not agree but that does not make him wrong.

and, if you use them, then stair gates, locks etc are not for your or your husband's benefit. They are for your child's benefit.

If your husband really won't chip in and that is the sticking point then add the money on to something else that you buy on behalf of both of you (a bill payment, an online shop, a holiday) - he's not going to notice fifty quid in that context (not that they cost that much in Argos) and it will save all this pissing about.

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 13:15:03

"y do the women do all the thinking?"

Get.

Fucked.

YellowDaffodil Thu 05-Aug-10 13:15:41

"Why do the women do all the thinking?"

In most relationships they don't OP - I can't tell if its just your OH you don't like or men in general?

If you are unhappy then he probably is too and him leaving your DS for a couple of minutes while he has a shower is the least of your problems. You don't want to hear that though do you?

The reasons for not using text speak have been spelt out for you but you are still doing it, looks like your OH isn't the only one who doesn't think about others.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:16:17

No StarlightMcKenzie i would be so amazed he actually went and bought something himself to baby proof the home that i wouldnt care what colour/shape/size it was!

Im just generally tired of having to step in, and u say i shudnt so does that mean i shud watch my son hurt himself rather than step in and prevent it from happening?

Im not sure if i could do that?

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 05-Aug-10 13:16:33

ugh yes indeed Yellow

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:18:01

MIFLAW piss off and grow up.

Your opinion is not wanted in MY thread!

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 05-Aug-10 13:19:16

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LadyBiscuit Thu 05-Aug-10 13:19:30

I see this discussion has moved on but YABU

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 05-Aug-10 13:19:31

oi oi OP

you really can't dictate who posts where if you don't mind

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 13:20:25

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YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:20:32

No one has answered the Q regarding being 'allowed' to use MN abreviations but not txt abreviations?? how does that work?

how is it ok to write 'my OH' and 'MN' but not 'how r u' etc?

the way i type has fall to do with this subject. i cant believe this is being flagged up. get with the times people

unfitmother Thu 05-Aug-10 13:20:52

YABU

It sounds as if you both neeed to grow up. Your attitude is unbelievable, you asked for an opinion but only want one that agrees with yours i.e. misandry.

Please keep text speak for text messages.

YellowDaffodil Thu 05-Aug-10 13:20:58

MY thread - do you take that attitude with OH?
Poor chap - it may be that he needs to pull his socks up but if you really believe he is a danger to your DS get rid and organise supervised access!

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 13:21:33

"so does that mean i shud watch my son hurt himself rather than step in and prevent it from happening"

Yes. As long as there are boundaries and his environment is safe, that is the best thing to do. I'm not advising him juggling with knives obviously or drinking bleach cocktail grin. There are horrendous accidents that result in major injuries or death, but they are in the minority. Most accident result in a bump, a few tears and a bruise that lasts a few days and hopefully a lesson learned (by the child that is not DH!) That is why you need to make your home a little safer, not so DH can be lazy, just so that all of you can relax and let your son begin to learn for himself.

BonniePrinceBilly Thu 05-Aug-10 13:21:47

Perhaps if you let him do some thinking for himself he might be quite good at it, but from the sounds of it you have never allowed him any active parenting role. Big surprise then he's not very good at it.

And if you stopped contradicting yourself completely you might get better responses. So far you don't have any locks, you have them but haven't fitted them, you had them and they broke, or you can't afford them. Which is it? Can't all be true.

And writing "dem" and "rite" and so on just makes you look like a moron that can't spell.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 05-Aug-10 13:22:04

Message withdrawn

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 13:22:52

Again, nothing to do with your age! The reasons have already been outlined.

And dont say I am stereotyping you because of it, because I am YOUNGER than you, and grew up with text speak, but now I am an adult, who think of others whilst on an ADULT forum.

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 13:22:54

Again, nothing to do with your age! The reasons have already been outlined.

And dont say I am stereotyping you because of it, because I am YOUNGER than you, and grew up with text speak, but now I am an adult, who think of others whilst on an ADULT forum.

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 13:24:07

"grow up"?

You are on here, suggesting that only boys can use screwdrivers and only girls can think about children, and you have the tmerity to say that I need to "grow up"? My daughter is the same age as your son - if, 10 years from now, she's still thinking along those lines, I'd be ashamed because I would feel it reflected badly on me as a parent. And you're 24 and a graduate? Bloody hell, what is actually wrong with you?

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 05-Aug-10 13:24:16

knickers you are making me laugh with your trigger finger on the post button grin

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 13:24:43

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YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:24:43

i havent once written "dem"

kickassangel Thu 05-Aug-10 13:25:50

what starlight said.

you need to resolve this, otherwise you won't last as a couple once the baby is here. you have to trust him with your ds, or you won't be able to look after the baby.

it sounds like generally you don't think he's involved enough - money, care, time etc. he thinks you expect too much.

there are various things you can do to sort this out, but you need to sort it our. there will be another baby here soon & it will be about 4 or 5 years from now before you can relax as parents & things get better. can your relationship survive 4 years of this?

btw, it is totally normal to feel like this - lots of people do, but it is not normal to allow it all to fester & develop - you have to lay the emotion aside & talk through it calmly. you prob both have some accusations against the other & will have hurtful things to say, but you have to learn how to put yourselves in the other's shoes, and then reach a compromise.

lifeas3plus1 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:26:03

For what it's worth, I'm 24 and know how to type properly.

See I was brought up knowing how to write properly. So age has nothing to do with it.

It's just laziness really.

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 13:26:13

Sorry - tEmerity.

Must stop using this text speak ...smile

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 13:26:37

95% of responders on here are being completely horrible and so i have no reason to want to change my writing style to suit other people. On every other thread i have contributed in this has never arrisen as a problem and so i think some people are just being picky pointing it out on here. I havent asked anyone to participate in this discussion so if the way i am typing offends you then feel free not to respond.

Casmama Thu 05-Aug-10 13:27:16

I think you have just come on here looking for an argument. If that is how you are generally then yes I feel sorry for your other half too.
Consider how you are going to cope if/when you do emigrate your relationship needs to be stronger with better communication if you are going to cope.

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