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to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

(692 Posts)
YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 09:47:10

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

notyummy Thu 05-Aug-10 09:52:26

Depends on how well the house is 'baby/toddlerproofed' and what kind of child it is.

Our kitchen has locks on the breakable/dangerous stuff. There are chairs/tables they could fling themselves off if they REALLY wanted I suppose, but other than that, fairly safe.

At that age I regularly left DD playing whilst I had a shower/did the hoovering upstairs. I made she knew where I was going so she could come and find me.

TBH, you will probably need for him to be able to do this if you are going to have to be left alone if you are sorting things out with a new baby.

Sorry...on balance, I think YABU.

ibangthedrums Thu 05-Aug-10 09:53:19

it depends really!

If there was anything that he could get a hold of that was dangerous or he could get out of the house then a definite no!

However, if it was safe and if it was a v quick shower then perhaps it is OK.

I do leave my one year old downstairs where it is safe when taking things upstairs but not to have a shower or anything where I can't hear him. I also get my almost 4 year old to watch TV in our room when I have a shower (not sure why at his age - it's just what I have always done). D2 comes in bathroom with.

I think I have contradicted myself! What I wanted to say it that I would prob not do it as I can't hear what they are up to but if it is safe then it is prob OK!

Fel1x Thu 05-Aug-10 09:58:09

Depends on your house and your child tbh.
I would never have left ds1 downstairs on his own as he would have done all sorts. He climbed everything, escaped at every available opportunity etc.
Ds2 is 2.5 now and I happily leave him playing or watching tv while I shower as he is a lot calmer and easy going and I know the house is quite safe.

FindingMyMojo Thu 05-Aug-10 10:05:26

I set DD up with her breakfast or watching TV & then go off for a shower. I'm not far away though & the room is fairly toddler proof. I've been doing that since she was just over 2.

ABitBatty Thu 05-Aug-10 10:12:46

YABU

'generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly '

have been 'having a go at him' since your ds was born?

I feel sorry for your chap if this is what you think of him! Mums aren't the only people who can look after their kids confused

moaningminniewhingesagain Thu 05-Aug-10 10:15:25

I left DD downstairs while I showered at about that age - stairgate on kitchen and stairs, fresh episode of peppa pig - should would barely notice I was gonesmile I'm not sure she even moved TBH

DS however - he is not 2 yet but can only just nip to the toilet without him, and some days not even that. He is A Climber. So depends very much on the child IMO.

proudnsad Thu 05-Aug-10 10:16:02

YABU agree with ABitBatty. Way to make your dh feel really good about himself!

I used to go for a shower when dd was 2. It's fine as long as it's quick, you check surroundings, they are occupied, they know where you are etc etc.

sunny2010 Thu 05-Aug-10 10:16:46

Dont see any problem with this at all

GypsyMoth Thu 05-Aug-10 10:17:56

yabu

and i feel sorry for your dp.....it was his call,his judgement.....who said all the rules had to be made by you??

Colliecross Thu 05-Aug-10 10:19:48

I think it's a tricky one. I would probably leave for a few minutes in a child-proofed house to do nearly anything else. eg make up, dress, put away laundry. The shower is a bit dodgy as then you can't hear them IMO.

Imarriedafrog Thu 05-Aug-10 10:20:04

Message withdrawn

MmeLindt Thu 05-Aug-10 10:21:17

It depends on your house and your child.

With DD I could have done this, and did. DS could be left alone at that age, but he would have "redecorated" the furniture and walls with felt tip pens so it was easier to take him with me into the bathroom.

SloanyPony Thu 05-Aug-10 10:23:41

YABU.

At that age, of course depending a bit on the house and the child's personality, its perfectly reasonable not to supervise them all the time.

Its not so much to do with age though there is a minimum age you would do this. But its not 2 or 2 and a half.

Showering is hard when you have very little kids - you can have them in the bathroom with you but they get to an age where they can jam their fingers in the cupboard or burn themselves on the radiator or just generally find hazards wherever they are!

When they are in that really difficult stage, its best to shower while they are asleep if possible - I've gone through stages of showering at night when they are in bed, in the morning before they get up (though not if you have a 6am starter!) and during morning nap times. The thing with showering is you just can't hear them, and those eyes on the back of your head you think you have are actually your ears.

But back to the original question, no, I'm not sure he was being unreasonable and I suspect that you probably are. There's a reason why he switches off when you speak, you know. Sorry.

PrettyCandles Thu 05-Aug-10 10:25:29

Depends. I wd have left ds1 at this age, but not ds2. With any of my three, at this age I wd have made sure that they were engaged in an activity that would hold their attention for long enough before leaving them alone for that amount of time.

In any case, sometimes you havd to take risks and give your child the opportunity to look after themselves - as well as give your dh some say in how the dc are looked after. And the opportunity to learn by experience of the consequences why you choose to do something in a particular way. You never know - you yourself might discover that there are other ways of doing things.

hettie Thu 05-Aug-10 10:26:59

erm as above really.... I left ds downstairs at that age for 5 min at a time..... but then I knew there was nothing downstairs that he could do to destroy himself (or something else)

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 10:27:12

Why not? I mean really?

Do you have a hugely dangerous house with open fires and razor blades lying about? Perhaps he should have taken them into a shower with him or brought him to you?

seeker Thu 05-Aug-10 10:28:41

What's he going to do, build a transmitter so the aliens know where to find him?

Squitten Thu 05-Aug-10 10:31:51

Provided that your downstairs is reasonably baby-proofed then YABU.

Our lounge is baby-proofed, stairgates, etc, and my 22mth old is regularly left to play or watch TV while I'm upstairs doing laundry, cleaning, etc. I have to say that I wouldn't shower while he was alone just so that I can respond quickly should something go crash!

You definitely need to lay off your DH a bit though - sounds like you seem to think it's your way or no way regarding how your LO is cared for and that's not fair on him...

PatsyStone Thu 05-Aug-10 10:32:30

I don't think yabu to be concerned. I leave my 2 year old downstairs on her own if I am just popping up and back down again, but I wouldn't get in the shower where I guess most people wouldn't be able to hear properly what was going on downstairs. I do shower and leave dd on her own but that is only because I have a shower downstairs, so she's still in earshot.

I wouldn't have a go though, just explain your concerns calmly. It's not a men thing either.

SkiHorseWonAWean Thu 05-Aug-10 10:32:47

YABU - what would you do if your husband were out? Chain the child to the bathroom radiator?

Lynli Thu 05-Aug-10 10:33:33

YANBU I am relieved that I am not the only person who thinks this. IMO children this age are very unpredictable.

There was a thread yesterday about the stunts DCS perform, it is a list of all the potentially dangerous things that DCs do when you are not looking e.g. sit on the window ledge.

But apparently it is perfectly normal to allow these things to happen. If you watch your child and protect it that makes you a freak.

I would have had a go at my DH if he did this, especially as you were in the house and could have watched him.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-Aug-10 10:34:54

yabu

thisisyesterday Thu 05-Aug-10 10:35:29

um, yes i would leave my 2.5 yr old while i had a shower.

in fact, i don't have much choice every day when i have to leave my 2.5 yr old and 1 yr old whilke i have a shower.

they're fine. it's only like, 10 minutes

mrswill Thu 05-Aug-10 10:35:33

Depends on the child.

DD 2years, can be left to watch tv, with stairgates on the stairs and kitchen. Shes not very 'busy' though, and it wouldnt occur to her to start climbing, or drawing over walls!
My nephew aged 3 on the other hand, seems to look for trouble, so I wouldnt leave him for a minute.
If your DS is the previous, then I cant see the issue with your DH leaving him to have a shower smile

PatsyStone Thu 05-Aug-10 10:36:54

What Lynli says about children being unpredictable is spot on. I leave dd in one room while I'm in another for longish periods of time every day, but never out of earshot.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 10:39:47

YABU.

The problem is, that if you've been shrieking at your DH that he's doing things wrong for 2 years, then he won't have learnt his own parenting style, rules and boundries. In 5 years time you will be moaning that he isn't interested in the children, and a lot of that will be because you have told him from word go that he isn't competent as a parent.

LimaCharlie Thu 05-Aug-10 10:39:50

If your house is safe I don't see the problem

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 10:40:40

I do this every morning and have done since my daughter (now 2.5) was one (though I must admit I rushed my shower a lot more then than I do now.)

I am a man, but I know my wife does the same when it's her turn to do the morning shift.

Our daughter has never come to any harm in this way.

How else do you propose a parent on his/her own has a shower in the morning?

MmeLindt Thu 05-Aug-10 10:44:16

Lynli
I posted on the thread yesterday. Don't think that if you watch your child like a hawk and never let him/her out of your sights that something like that cannot happen.

The time I came into the kitchen and found DD on the worktop with a massive knife, I had just nipped to the loo. I was at most a minute out of the room. I have absolutely no idea how she managed to drag a chair over and climb up on the worktop in that time but she did.

My DD was up at the very top of climbing frames when she was just a toddler. She never fell off because she knew how far to go and she was always able to get down.

If a child is not allowed to be alone, or climb on a climbing frame with a parent hovering underneath them, then they will never learn how far they can safely go.

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 10:45:05

OP YABU (as I think you may have gathered from the other responses)

How else am I meant to have a shower in the morning? At 2.5yo DS will play happily in his bedroom by himself, while I'm doing something downstairs - is that wrong too? hmm

Honestly.. chill out a bit and stop having a go at your husband!

BornToFolk Thu 05-Aug-10 10:45:22

Children are unpredictable but you can't watch them 24 hours a day until they leave home. You have to teach them to be responsible for their own safety, and part of that is leaving them unsupervised for periods of time.

I don't think leaving a 2.5 year old downstairs is necessarily irresponsible, but as others have said, it really depends on the child.

notyummy Thu 05-Aug-10 10:46:35

Lynli - you cannot watch them every moment of everyday. Sometimes dangerous things can happen; it is fact a life. We mitigate against this by adapting our houses as best we can. However, they do have to start learning cause and effect at some point.

<Disclaimer: For those about to flame me, I do NOT mean leaving a small child in the bath alone/in the house whilst you go the pub. I merely mean in a childproofed environment for 5 minutes.>

And I still think that the OPs DS will have to be left alone for 5 minutes or so very shortly when the new baby is born...when you relaise you have run out of nappies downstairs and baby has pooed over entire outfit and so on etc etc. Do people really take all their other kids round the house with them at all times??

Patsy99 Thu 05-Aug-10 10:49:44

YABU - if you get your house up to a reasonably toddler-proof standard it's fine to leave them unsupervised. In fact I'd actually say it's desirable for their independence and development.

Mind you, once when I left 2 year old DS unsupervised when I was in the shower he poo-ed on the living room carpet and them walked in it. Argh.

LeQueen Thu 05-Aug-10 10:52:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notquitenormal Thu 05-Aug-10 11:19:12

Depends on how long it takes I suppose.

I wouldn't do it, because even though our house is fairly child proofed, I don't seem to be able to manage a shower in under 15 minutes (I know, it's pathetic.)

DH is no problem. He can be in and out in 4 minutes (takes him longer to do a number 2!) which is fine.

But then, with our DS we don't need to toddler proof. We just need to put Mr Tubmle on and he's guaranteed not to move until it's finished.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:28:12

I can not actually believe most of the responses iv just read - firstly, the ones saying they feel sorry for my OH - have u even waited for my response as to the safety of my house or asked for any other history of what he has been like for the past 2.5 yrs with DS??

FYI our house isnt very child proof downstairs - there is no stairgate on the kitchen, knives scissors etc in the draws and bleach and other products in the cuboards he has easy access to. OH left the stairgate at the bottom of the stairs open so he could easily walk up with a handfull of toys unable to hold onto the rail which he regularly tries to do - i would say this was fine to trust him on the stairs but less than a month ago he fell down the stairs when being trusted to walk up on his own and so now we are suposed to be a little more cautious!

Its not that i constantly watch him 24/7 cos i dont, i regularly go upstairs and leave him down there to do quick things - empty the potty/do my makeup/ brush teeth etc but as some other sensible people have said, a shower is a bit different as you cant actually hear if anything happens so i would never leave him downstairs - especially as i was just upstairs and he could have just brought him up with him and i would have watched him. it just makes me sick with worry at the thought of him looking after him for a long period of time.

if our house was childproofed - i.e. he couldnt get into the kitchen and the front door was locked as he knows how to get out then fair enuf he wont get into much trouble downstairs but the fact is it isnt.

and regarding the comments about my poor OH, do you think i actually enjoy having to moan at him every single day about his child rearing methods? He acts like a big brother not a father, time after time i have warned him about things for him to ignore me and then i have to watch my DS suffer when hes fell and banged his head or whatever due to OH's bad parenting. Yes i could just let him learn the hard way but y shud my DS have to suffer becos im too scared to speak up when he's obviously doing something wrong??

minxofmancunia Thu 05-Aug-10 11:28:17

YABU, I can't remember when I started leaving dd alone so I could shower but it was younger than this. Peppa Pig dvd on and off I went, nothing dangerous within reach. DS is only 10 so obviously a bit more difficult but if I'm able to I'll be leaving him too when he's a bit older to get stuff done.

I'm lucky in that dd is fairly "sensible" re reckless activities and is brilliant at keeping an eye on her little brother but i can't tell what he'll be like when older, he's already showing signs of being a climber!

minxofmancunia Thu 05-Aug-10 11:28:56

ds is 10 months, not 10!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 11:31:43

Well if he's that bad a father that you consider him a danger to you child then leave him and only let him have supervised contact.

MrsFC Thu 05-Aug-10 11:32:35

Why isn't your house child proofed downstairs??

YABU.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:35:02

and to answer JarethTheGoblinKing and MIFLAW, i find it pretty easy to have a shower in the morning without leaving him downstairs - either get OH to watch him or if OH isnt about take him upstairs with me so he can play in his room which is safe.

Im not for the whole take the child with you 24/7, just dont leave the child in areas of the house where there is lots of danger!

I totally agree that children need to be able to adventure by themselves and learn their limits which our DS does, just not leaving them out of earsight with allsorts of things within hand reach that he shouldnt touch.

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 11:36:29

"Do you think i actually enjoy having to moan at him every single day about his child rearing methods?"

Uhm. Yes?!

minxofmancunia Thu 05-Aug-10 11:37:19

OP if you're so sure you're right why post in AIBU?? Post in chat or parenting instead, why the outrage when you've asked for peoples opinions?

Re the knives, bleach etc. lock them away or store bleach in the bathroom out of reach which is what we do. Your ds is going to need to learn autonomy and independence at some point, fwiw usually the mothers who complain they never have a minute are the ones who anxiously hover over their dcs constantly, never leaving them alone.

And I'm sure you get frustrated with your hd, we all do but the way you talk about him makes you sound like you;r infantalising him big time. Treat him like a naughty irresponsible child and he'll behave like one. Read up on a bit of transactional analysis critical parent/child stuff if you want to get an insight. It's a trap i've seen lots of my friends fall into and me at times too.

thecatatemygymsuit Thu 05-Aug-10 11:38:22

Yabu. Keep the stairgate on, get locks for the cupboards and keep knives etc out of reach. Hardly rocket science. Many 2 year olds are fine on their own in a relatively safe environment (for the few minutes it takes to have a shower). If your house is safe (as it should be) what on earth are you worried about?
If downstairs is really so hazardous can you not put him in his (presumably safe) bedroom while you shower?

llbeanj Thu 05-Aug-10 11:39:15

seems like you listen to people on here just as much as you listen to your OH.

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 11:39:43

If you'd put in your OP that your downstairs isn't childproofed, and that your child can let himself out the front door, you probably would have got some very different replies.

I leave DS (2.7) in the lounge with the TV on while I shower. It's a childproofed room and he's perfectly safe in there.

Blahrahrah Thu 05-Aug-10 11:40:20

Why not toddler proof your house? Especially with a baby, your ds will e a lot more unsupervised as you are with the baby changing nappies etc. Better to get it done now than with two in the house!

DaisySteiner Thu 05-Aug-10 11:40:42

Why don't you make downstairs safer?! Problem solved.

Love the word 'earsight' by the way. That's a keeper.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:41:41

MrsFC our house isnt childproofed downstairs becos i have never felt the need for stairgates all over the house as i know how to watch my child without needing this - OH doesnt want to spend money on buying stairgates (i had to buy the 2 we already own) and he's the one who watches DS less and therefore would benefit from buying them.

the safety of our house isnt really under discussion here, it is what it is and OH knows how safe it is and therefore should have acted rite for the situation.which he didnt. as he never does.

i love my OH and the only arguements we ever have now are over his parenting style, we were perfectly fine before starting a family and will be perfectly fine once we get thru this stage in our childrens lives. I was just wanting some NICE support either way, not comments saying they 'feel sorry' for my OH. if you feel like that then dont comment as its not really helpful is it

I personally wouldnt actually be able to concentrate properly whilst having a shower to benefit leaving him downstairs as id always be trying to listen out for him crying.

I was just upstairs awake in bed, y did he not just bring him up?? Simple really.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:42:15

Headbanger are you male by any chance??

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 11:42:43

Personally I think there's more of an issue with your house being so dangerous hmm Could you not put a lock on the bleach cupboard and the knife drawer and a stairgate on the bottom of the stairs?

BTW is your OH allowed to make any decisions at all, or is it just re your child that you assume he is an idiot?

BonniePrinceBilly Thu 05-Aug-10 11:43:15

Poor man. Imagine being bitched at and moaned at every single day for so long! I'm amazed he's still there to be honest.

And the twattish "is it a man thing"? angry No dear, its a controlling overbearing shrewish nag thing.

In case you hadn't guessed, thats a YABU.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:44:41

thecatatemygymsuit - i did already suggest this as the way i would have my shower - put him upstairs in his bedroom.

And the point of the stairgate for my OH would be?? - he left the one we already have downstairs wide open so of no use anyhow!

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 11:45:23

Then why bother with AIBU if you can't deal with people disagreeing with you?

hmm

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 11:45:54

You sound very tiring. . . Commenting on feeling sorry for your OH is helpful, in that your relationship is bound to suffer if he is made to perpetually feel as if he doesn't live up to your standards.

You talk as if he is an irritant and enemy, not your partner and the father or your child. Also, what's with this business that he should buy a stairgate for the occasions when he isn't is watching your child?

It all seems like a very strange and unfamily-ish set-up to me...confused

thecatatemygymsuit Thu 05-Aug-10 11:45:55

Why don't you just take responsibility and make your house safe? You apparently do have the need for stairgates, and it is terribly lax to leave knives/bleach within reach, not to mention a front door your child could open.

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 11:46:13

Urm.... well put a gate on the kitchen, lock the front door and put locks on the drawers and under the sink.

An accident could happen just as easily when you 'pop' upstairs to do your make up.

I don't really understand if you know your house isn't safe for a toddler why it's OK for you to leave him but not your DH.

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 11:46:55

Yummy - no, I am a female, with 34FF proof, my love.

That comment, I'm afraid, demonstrates a) your extreme childishness and b) your attitude towards men.

BornToFolk Thu 05-Aug-10 11:47:03

Why not just childproof the downstairs though? As others have said, with a new baby to look after, you're probably going to have to leave your 2 year old alone more than you currently do.

TBH, I think you've both been quite irresponsible to have a house that is so dangerous that you can't leave a 2 year old alone for a few minutes.

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 11:48:14

Oh - YABU

PotPourri Thu 05-Aug-10 11:48:38

I think you are right to worry, but your DH also needs to have the right to exercise his judgement. Maybe suggest he could takehim into the bathroom with him in future.

You will find it harder to helicopter so much when dc2 makes an appearance, so may be worth trying to distance yourself a bit npow before then.

DreamTeamGirl Thu 05-Aug-10 11:49:12

Depends on the child and the house. How 'sensible' child is and how potentially dangerous your house is

I am single parent so I left DS at that age to have a shower every day. I was only out of ear range for about 3 minutes, then I would call down 'you ok?' and listen to him play while I dressed. never for a second occured to me to drag him upstairs to sit out side bathroom while I showered.

Would you object to your child going upstairs on their own to play in their room?

BuzzingNoise Thu 05-Aug-10 11:49:26

yabu. If I never left ds alone downstairs I'd never have washed!

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:49:54

OrmRenewed - i have bought safety clips for the draws but need OH to put them on - in fact i bought them over a year ago and am still waiting for them to be put on.

unless i moan AGAIN they will never get put on.

we have a stairgate on the bottom of the stairs - OH left it open thismorning.

BonniePrinceBilly you must be a male yourself. no need for me to make any further comment.

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 11:50:57

Bloody hell - put the locks on yourself!

Are you helpless?

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 11:51:18

grin

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 11:51:38

Headbanger i didnt mean it as in he should buy it cos he needs it not me, but i buy pretty much everything for DS and everything for the new baby, i only have a limited amount of funds and with him earning more than me i dont c y he shouldnt buy something - like stairgates for the top of the stairs and the kitchen!

DaisySteiner Thu 05-Aug-10 11:51:59

So you don't have a stair gate upstairs? How do you know your ds won't get out of his bedroom and go downstairs while you're in the shower?!!

You need your OH to put the safety clips on. Perleeease. It is 2010 you know.

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 11:52:00

Er put the safety clips on the drawers, YOURSELF

BornToFolk Thu 05-Aug-10 11:53:08

Put the locks on yourself!

And stop accusing posters of being male, like it's some kind of crime.

EvadneGreenspan Thu 05-Aug-10 11:53:24

there is a small risk associated with this. Your DP thinks it is reasonable , you do not.
Stop having a go at him and discuss like adults.

come toa compromise.

and stop 'going on at him'

or he will not be there for long

YABVU in your attitude

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 11:53:26

pressed post too early.

You quite frankly dear, sound like an overbearing, nagging loon...

foureleven Thu 05-Aug-10 11:54:40

as a single parent i had to leave DD to have a shower, put make up on etc else I would have been a stinking wreck for the first few years of her life. YABU.

"we were perfectly fine before starting a family and will be perfectly fine once we get thru this stage in our childrens lives." Just be careful that the resentment leaves through the door too..

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 11:54:41

Message withdrawn

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 11:55:03

not read the whole thread but yabu. I live on my own with the dcs, how the bloody hell do you expect lone parents to get anything done if you expect the child to be with the the whole time they are awake.

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 11:55:06

not read the whole thread but yabu. I live on my own with the dcs, how the bloody hell do you expect lone parents to get anything done if you expect the child to be with the the whole time they are awake.

theQuibbler Thu 05-Aug-10 11:55:52

Oh, YummyMummy - you're really going to have a hard time of it with the new baby if you can't learn let go a little bit.

If the downstairs is childproofed, then childproof it. Stop waiting for someone else to do it.

Let your DH be a parent, too. His way isn't necessarily wrong; just different. You are so not going to have the time to micromanage every aspect of your DS's time with your DH when the baby arrives.

And if you try...
..my God, you are going to get so pissed off and resentful. Even more so than you already are - trust me.

YABU.

EvadneGreenspan Thu 05-Aug-10 11:57:07

and if he is such a crap parent why are you having a second child together ?

make your house safer?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 11:57:59

YummyMummy - you are bizarre. Every time someone disagrees with you particularly strenuously you're assuming they're a man!

WTF at needed DH to put a few cupboard locks on! If you really are that incapable then hire a handyman to do it.

foureleven Thu 05-Aug-10 11:58:17

And why anyone would wait a year for someone to do something for them is beyond comprension.

DaisySteiner Thu 05-Aug-10 11:58:58

Please answer my question about why it's OK to leave your ds upstairs without a stair gate while you have a shower, but not downstairs. Pleeease.

mayorquimby Thu 05-Aug-10 11:59:17

"I was just wanting some NICE support either way, not comments saying they 'feel sorry' for my OH. if you feel like that then dont comment as its not really helpful is it"

So basically you posted in AIBU but only people willing to post "YANBU" are allowed to respond.
I would have thought by the volume of YABU responses you would have noticed 2 things
1: In most people opinion YABU
2: you can't dictate or control the responses of other peoples answers to a question simply because you are the one who asked the question.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 05-Aug-10 12:01:51

Yes please do answer Daisy's question.

IMO it is more important to have a gate at the top of the stairs than a gate at the bottom.

YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:04:00

so i should do everything myself then should i? - is OH just allowed to get off totally guilt free here and me look like the irresponsible one. r u all women that just believe the men shud do f all in bringing up kids and women should do all the work???

jesus christ, most of u have blinkers on and im shocked at how many people neglect their children to go shower leaving them downstairs without a thought, is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room??

and yes i must be helpless as i have no idea how to put locks on doors - thats y i have a man around, y is this such a hard thing for him to accomplish?? surely he should be looking out for the safety of his own child aswell? if i left him alone enough to benefit from all the childproofing then id go get it myself but i dont need it.

perhaps with a new baby coming we may consider baby proofing a little more as i agree he will be alone more often.

i do feel like i treat OH like a child himself as to be honest thats how he acts. what am i suposed to do if he doesnt watch him enough - letting DS trap his fingers in the car window cos OH was reading a CD cover and not watching him, then having to comfort DS whilst he sobs as his fingers hurt for example?? before u ask, DS likes Daddys van and so he took him out to sit in the van and play whilst i served dinner.
its not like this is a one time thing, its happened his whole life so it grates a bit when ive tried the whole making suggestions thing and saying it nicely but he never listens and i really dont know what else to do other than moan. Im just tired of feeling as tho i have 2 kids to watch, not just one.

lifeas3plus1 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:04:14

YABU.

My do works away Monday to Friday and has done Since ds1 was a week old. If he didn't get left on his own I wouldn't have been able to have a shower for 5 day's in a row.

As soon as he started moving around I made sure the house was child friendly. It takes 5 minutes to put any chemicals out of reach and either put a gate on the kitchen or lock the kitchen cupboards.

I don't know anyone who would leave chemicals and knives in reach of children whether they watched their dc 24/7 or not.

Anyway been busy this morning so I'm off to have a shower whilst my 15 month old occupies himself for 10 minutes.

prettybird Thu 05-Aug-10 12:06:12

Well, dh and I must both be totally irresponsible, as we never had stair gates (*taught* ds how to use the stairs) and frequently left him on one floor while we were on another. Now while I acknowledge that no everyone would choose that approach, the point is that dh and I agreed it.

There are lots of things that dh does with ds that I wouldn't do - but the point is that we are all individuals and have different ways of doing tihngs - which includes different levels of risk pereception.

I presume that your OH loves your ds. Well, then let him get on with doing what he thinks he should do and stop micro-managing him. Yes, he'll make mistakes (especially if you have told him what to do for the last 2 years) - but that is how you learn.

I agree with others that if your downstairs is really that unsafe hmm, then you are both at fault. If your OH geeuinely won't do it - and your not capable of it - then get someone in to do it.

omnishambles Thu 05-Aug-10 12:06:23

I would concentrate on the kitchen and front door tbh and get that done (if necessary yourself) before the baby comes (and congrats btw).

The stairgates imo you shouldnt really need at 2.5 -they should be learning to come down by themselves - specially if they are potty training then surely they can do the stairs? I know its awful when they fall but then they need to learn to bump down on their bums or to turn round and slide down - you wont be able to carry baby and toddler and negotiate the stairgates anyway.

IMoveTheStars Thu 05-Aug-10 12:07:02

"most of u have blinkers on and im shocked at how many people neglect their children to go shower leaving them downstairs without a thought, is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room?? "

Now you're accusing people of neglect?! hmm

[sits back and waits for thread to explode]

MajorPettigrew Thu 05-Aug-10 12:07:37

Fair enough then - if you only have a man around to fit locks then I can see why you are pissed off at it not been done for over a year.

I only keep DH to lift heavy things, so I know what you mean.

FFS confused

Headbanger Thu 05-Aug-10 12:07:40

"Thats y I have a man around"

shock shock shock shock

That is all.

Oh no hang on, here's another for your grammar: shock

nancy10 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:07:43

YABU! Why don't you stop being so lazy get out of bed and supervise your child while your OH has a shower. If your well enough to nag him constantly, your well enough to get out of bed!! Child proof your house FGS. If you can't put locks on your cupboards, get another stair gate. Put bleach up high!! I agreee with OP that it depends on your child, but then you child proof more!!! Cut the guy some slack and take a chill pill before your new baby arrives!

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 12:08:36

"FYI our house isnt very child proof downstairs - there is no stairgate on the kitchen, knives scissors etc in the draws and bleach and other products in the cuboards he has easy access to." Ditto - so, rather sensibly i feel, I have put these things out of reach as far as possible (quite easy as she is less than a metre high) and also taught my daughter not to play with knives or go in cupboards when I am not there.

I am also not seeing how playing UPSTAIRS in his room is safer than playing DOWNSTAIRS in another room, given that the results of falling down the stairs are potentially worse than those of falling up them.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 05-Aug-10 12:10:43

Message withdrawn

knickers0nmyhead Thu 05-Aug-10 12:12:13

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

nancy10 Thu 05-Aug-10 12:12:32

'Letting ds trap his fingers in the car window cos OH was reading a CD cover and not watching him..' Children do hurt themselves, it's called learning. It's not neglect to read a CD cover whilst in the car. Yes, it's unfortunate that he trapped his fingers but he was ok!

MIFLAW Thu 05-Aug-10 12:12:46

"I personally wouldnt actually be able to concentrate properly whilst having a shower."

Concentrate? What on? Put some soap on the sponge, move it over your body - shoulders first, arse last - and rinse with the water falling down from above your head.

It's hardly a John Le Carre novel, is it?

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 12:12:58

"thats y i have a man around"

Fuck me!

MrsFC Thu 05-Aug-10 12:13:16

Leaving my child alone on the sofa while I have a shower is NOT neglect.

Having cupboards at child height containing bleach IS.

And if you can't put on a child lock on, then shame on you.

MilkNoSugarPlease Thu 05-Aug-10 12:13:29

<Snort @ MIFLAW>

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