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to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

(692 Posts)
YummyMummy1208 Thu 05-Aug-10 09:47:10


I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

notyummy Thu 05-Aug-10 09:52:26

Depends on how well the house is 'baby/toddlerproofed' and what kind of child it is.

Our kitchen has locks on the breakable/dangerous stuff. There are chairs/tables they could fling themselves off if they REALLY wanted I suppose, but other than that, fairly safe.

At that age I regularly left DD playing whilst I had a shower/did the hoovering upstairs. I made she knew where I was going so she could come and find me.

TBH, you will probably need for him to be able to do this if you are going to have to be left alone if you are sorting things out with a new baby.

Sorry...on balance, I think YABU.

ibangthedrums Thu 05-Aug-10 09:53:19

it depends really!

If there was anything that he could get a hold of that was dangerous or he could get out of the house then a definite no!

However, if it was safe and if it was a v quick shower then perhaps it is OK.

I do leave my one year old downstairs where it is safe when taking things upstairs but not to have a shower or anything where I can't hear him. I also get my almost 4 year old to watch TV in our room when I have a shower (not sure why at his age - it's just what I have always done). D2 comes in bathroom with.

I think I have contradicted myself! What I wanted to say it that I would prob not do it as I can't hear what they are up to but if it is safe then it is prob OK!

Fel1x Thu 05-Aug-10 09:58:09

Depends on your house and your child tbh.
I would never have left ds1 downstairs on his own as he would have done all sorts. He climbed everything, escaped at every available opportunity etc.
Ds2 is 2.5 now and I happily leave him playing or watching tv while I shower as he is a lot calmer and easy going and I know the house is quite safe.

FindingMyMojo Thu 05-Aug-10 10:05:26

I set DD up with her breakfast or watching TV & then go off for a shower. I'm not far away though & the room is fairly toddler proof. I've been doing that since she was just over 2.

ABitBatty Thu 05-Aug-10 10:12:46


'generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly '

have been 'having a go at him' since your ds was born?

I feel sorry for your chap if this is what you think of him! Mums aren't the only people who can look after their kids confused

moaningminniewhingesagain Thu 05-Aug-10 10:15:25

I left DD downstairs while I showered at about that age - stairgate on kitchen and stairs, fresh episode of peppa pig - should would barely notice I was gonesmile I'm not sure she even moved TBH

DS however - he is not 2 yet but can only just nip to the toilet without him, and some days not even that. He is A Climber. So depends very much on the child IMO.

proudnsad Thu 05-Aug-10 10:16:02

YABU agree with ABitBatty. Way to make your dh feel really good about himself!

I used to go for a shower when dd was 2. It's fine as long as it's quick, you check surroundings, they are occupied, they know where you are etc etc.

sunny2010 Thu 05-Aug-10 10:16:46

Dont see any problem with this at all

GypsyMoth Thu 05-Aug-10 10:17:56


and i feel sorry for your was his call,his judgement.....who said all the rules had to be made by you??

Colliecross Thu 05-Aug-10 10:19:48

I think it's a tricky one. I would probably leave for a few minutes in a child-proofed house to do nearly anything else. eg make up, dress, put away laundry. The shower is a bit dodgy as then you can't hear them IMO.

Imarriedafrog Thu 05-Aug-10 10:20:04

Message withdrawn

MmeLindt Thu 05-Aug-10 10:21:17

It depends on your house and your child.

With DD I could have done this, and did. DS could be left alone at that age, but he would have "redecorated" the furniture and walls with felt tip pens so it was easier to take him with me into the bathroom.

SloanyPony Thu 05-Aug-10 10:23:41


At that age, of course depending a bit on the house and the child's personality, its perfectly reasonable not to supervise them all the time.

Its not so much to do with age though there is a minimum age you would do this. But its not 2 or 2 and a half.

Showering is hard when you have very little kids - you can have them in the bathroom with you but they get to an age where they can jam their fingers in the cupboard or burn themselves on the radiator or just generally find hazards wherever they are!

When they are in that really difficult stage, its best to shower while they are asleep if possible - I've gone through stages of showering at night when they are in bed, in the morning before they get up (though not if you have a 6am starter!) and during morning nap times. The thing with showering is you just can't hear them, and those eyes on the back of your head you think you have are actually your ears.

But back to the original question, no, I'm not sure he was being unreasonable and I suspect that you probably are. There's a reason why he switches off when you speak, you know. Sorry.

PrettyCandles Thu 05-Aug-10 10:25:29

Depends. I wd have left ds1 at this age, but not ds2. With any of my three, at this age I wd have made sure that they were engaged in an activity that would hold their attention for long enough before leaving them alone for that amount of time.

In any case, sometimes you havd to take risks and give your child the opportunity to look after themselves - as well as give your dh some say in how the dc are looked after. And the opportunity to learn by experience of the consequences why you choose to do something in a particular way. You never know - you yourself might discover that there are other ways of doing things.

hettie Thu 05-Aug-10 10:26:59

erm as above really.... I left ds downstairs at that age for 5 min at a time..... but then I knew there was nothing downstairs that he could do to destroy himself (or something else)

OrmRenewed Thu 05-Aug-10 10:27:12

Why not? I mean really?

Do you have a hugely dangerous house with open fires and razor blades lying about? Perhaps he should have taken them into a shower with him or brought him to you?

seeker Thu 05-Aug-10 10:28:41

What's he going to do, build a transmitter so the aliens know where to find him?

Squitten Thu 05-Aug-10 10:31:51

Provided that your downstairs is reasonably baby-proofed then YABU.

Our lounge is baby-proofed, stairgates, etc, and my 22mth old is regularly left to play or watch TV while I'm upstairs doing laundry, cleaning, etc. I have to say that I wouldn't shower while he was alone just so that I can respond quickly should something go crash!

You definitely need to lay off your DH a bit though - sounds like you seem to think it's your way or no way regarding how your LO is cared for and that's not fair on him...

PatsyStone Thu 05-Aug-10 10:32:30

I don't think yabu to be concerned. I leave my 2 year old downstairs on her own if I am just popping up and back down again, but I wouldn't get in the shower where I guess most people wouldn't be able to hear properly what was going on downstairs. I do shower and leave dd on her own but that is only because I have a shower downstairs, so she's still in earshot.

I wouldn't have a go though, just explain your concerns calmly. It's not a men thing either.

SkiHorseWonAWean Thu 05-Aug-10 10:32:47

YABU - what would you do if your husband were out? Chain the child to the bathroom radiator?

Lynli Thu 05-Aug-10 10:33:33

YANBU I am relieved that I am not the only person who thinks this. IMO children this age are very unpredictable.

There was a thread yesterday about the stunts DCS perform, it is a list of all the potentially dangerous things that DCs do when you are not looking e.g. sit on the window ledge.

But apparently it is perfectly normal to allow these things to happen. If you watch your child and protect it that makes you a freak.

I would have had a go at my DH if he did this, especially as you were in the house and could have watched him.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-Aug-10 10:34:54


thisisyesterday Thu 05-Aug-10 10:35:29

um, yes i would leave my 2.5 yr old while i had a shower.

in fact, i don't have much choice every day when i have to leave my 2.5 yr old and 1 yr old whilke i have a shower.

they're fine. it's only like, 10 minutes

mrswill Thu 05-Aug-10 10:35:33

Depends on the child.

DD 2years, can be left to watch tv, with stairgates on the stairs and kitchen. Shes not very 'busy' though, and it wouldnt occur to her to start climbing, or drawing over walls!
My nephew aged 3 on the other hand, seems to look for trouble, so I wouldnt leave him for a minute.
If your DS is the previous, then I cant see the issue with your DH leaving him to have a shower smile

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