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I could kiss this mother

(24 Posts)
tatt Fri 15-Jul-05 06:41:05

dd has several birthday parties over the next two weeks. I always phone the parents and warn them about the allergy. I say that as catering for a lot of kids at once is a pain I'll send food with her if they like. Not only have they all said no (although the veggie family were a bit funny) one mum even said she was listing all the ingredients in the food she was making and would give it to me a few days in advance She'd already told me she'd be using a brand of chocolate that is nut free I'm almost in tears typing it.

Almost makes up for the school teacher who said "you can bring sandwiches" about the leavers lunch. Possibly kindly meant but the school lunches are meant to be nut free and this is the teacher who told the class to bring nuts to a party!

mamaoftwo Fri 15-Jul-05 19:37:16

Almost bought a lump to my throat too! Enjoy!

RnB Fri 15-Jul-05 20:01:56

Message withdrawn

mandyc66 Fri 15-Jul-05 20:42:18

At last someone who understands!! How many times has someone suggested it is the child/paren that is being fussy when you say they are allergic?

edam Fri 15-Jul-05 20:44:00

that's lovely tatt.

tatt Sat 16-Jul-05 06:45:16

Party today and you won't be surprised that this child is getting a specially nice present

RnB Sat 16-Jul-05 06:53:00

Message withdrawn

bobbybob Sat 16-Jul-05 07:06:08

YES! finally someone who understands - does this woman know someone who is allergic do you think?

mandyc66 Sat 16-Jul-05 07:13:31

I was knew someone who said to me 'oh we dont have time for allergy in our house, they eat what is put infront of them' how ignorent is that?!

lucy5 Sat 16-Jul-05 09:08:41

Its lovely when someone makes the effort. When I lived in Uk, most of my friends kids had allegies or special requirements. My bf's lo was multi allegic and anaphalatic. For my dd's birthday, I catered for 1 vegan, 2 veges, 1 multiallergic, eggs, milk,nuts, fruit etc 1 dairy intolerant, 1 wheat intolerant and dd who could but doesnt eat everything. It was hard but I enjoyed the challenge, we even made a dairy free cake and my friends were so pleased as they could really relax.

PeachyClair Sat 16-Jul-05 09:45:11

Overheard a discussion in the week about difficult mums who insist their kids have milk allergies and cause a nuisance, then the lady 9a group leader at ds3's todller group) points out that ds3 is small. I didnt have the nerve to say yes, thats because he has s evere lactose intollerance and didnt grow before he was four months because he couldn't tolerate my breastmilk alone!

This mum sounds great.

bobbybob Sat 16-Jul-05 10:31:38

My friends that I met when ds was 4 months old (so 2 years ago) have only believed that he is really allergic since there was an article about Bob in a National woman's magazine - you know the sort that tell you made up things about celebrities!

mandyc66 Sat 16-Jul-05 12:18:42

its only in the last few years that drs believe it!!!

PeachyClair Sat 16-Jul-05 14:56:33

My family don't believe in medical stuff- my pre-eclampsia was imaginary (despite another magazine running an article I wrote!), my lactose intolerance whch I share with two of my three children is imaginary, DS1's AS is imaginary.....

My sister's pre-eclampsia / PND? Oh she is so terrible ill....

Yeah she was, but how come it's imaginary when i get it?


Sorry rant over!!!!

KiwiKate Sun 17-Jul-05 08:03:11

Tatt, it is really sad that this mother is the exception where you are. Our coffee group which developed from our antenatal group 2+ years ago has 3 children with allergies (food and contact allergies), and all the mothers know that they can safely take their children to the houses of any others.

While catering for the allergy children takes a little extra care, the other mums are happy to do it - and honestly it is not a big deal or a huge effort. At first the non-allergy mums would discuss every menu/potential snack with the allergy mums, but now it is just second nature to everyone.

I guess people who don't know better need to be educated about allergies and the potential effects?

Hope the party was a good one!

tatt Sun 17-Jul-05 08:15:16

Party was fine, dd came back tired and happy to read harry potter . There were a few items dd couldn't have but they were the birthday girl's favourites and dd could have the birthday cake
Yes it is sad, kiwikate, but I'm afraid we're used to over-reaction now. We moved not long ago (months though) and the only house to which dd has been invited is the family where the child already had a nut allergic friend. Other kids have been here and I've taken some out for the day but dd doesn't get taken out in return.

KiwiKate Sun 17-Jul-05 08:22:50

Oh tatt, how sad. Hope your dd finds some lovely friends (with lovely considerate mums) really soon. Are there any allergy support groups in your area? There may be other mums in your area dealing with exactly the same situation, and they might be delighted to get together with you.

Chandra Sun 17-Jul-05 09:53:04

Glad to hear you have found such a considerate mother and that your DD enjoyed the party.

I can only echo what the other have said about not being believed about the allergies. People never got to spend a complete day with me where they could see that if I didn't apply diprobase 8 times a day the skin cracked and bleed, and sure when DS had his worst days we were never out and about. So when I was out and a "friend" saw me covering him in cream after a nappy change she started commenting to other people that DS's skin was fine if a little dry and that I was making it up!

KiwiKate Sun 17-Jul-05 12:04:43

Oh Chandra! Sounds like your "friend" is not worth the effort. Hopefully you can find a mum/family to be friends with who understand about allergies. Allergy support groups could be a place to start.

tatt Mon 18-Jul-05 06:39:37

kiwikate the only thing like an allergy support group is the anaphylaxis campaign. They only hold a few meetings. I have been to one and it was good for the children, especially the most allergic one as they have a tendency to feel they are the only one in the world. We met people with worse problems than us . The children did have an allergic child as a penfriend for a while but when we met up the kids wouldn't talk to each other. The other mother and I had a good chat though.

Chandra we can all do without "friends" like that. Have you tried taking pictures of what it's like when its bad or are you so good with the cream now it's not possible?

A special school day today so another teacher to check can use an epipen [sigh]

Chandra Tue 19-Jul-05 12:22:38

Tatt, fortunately the eczema doesn't get out of control as easily as before, so no chance of photographs and I have stopped contact with that woman after several episodes like that. But now that you mention it, we had some photographs of him when he was about 5 months old and at it's worst but I would be afraid of being perceived as morbid for showing them around. On the other hand, when we finally got the appointment with a dermatologist here she insisted in stopping the medication prescribed in Spain as she didn't considere the case too bad, so I just said that what I was going to show her was disgusting but was a true representation of DS's nights, and showed her DS's cot sheet... I think she was impressed because she sent a letter to my GP saying that he should continue to prescribe whatever the Spanish dermatologist had suggested and gave me a year pass to bypass the GP and go straight to her if DS's skin seemed out of control.

dinosaur Tue 19-Jul-05 12:24:08

I got in lots of gluten free things for one boy who had accepted the invite to DS1's party last year - and then he didn't turn up - no explanation etc. The other sidei of the coin...

Chandra Tue 19-Jul-05 13:00:54

If the mother made a point of his allergy and considering how difficult is to go glutten free for the first time, I consider that extremely rude Dinosaur, actually is already rude enough not to turn up when you have already accepted the info.

On a more positive note, I would like to have some friends like you

tatt Wed 20-Jul-05 06:28:43

morbid or not, chandra, I'd have shown the "friend" a picture.

Dinosaur I guess maybe the mother panicked. It can be difficult to let go when you know how easy it is to miss something and how ill your child can be afterwards. I suspect all our kids have been given/ offered unsafe food by people who really thought they had catered for them (like birthday cake with marzipan for a child allergic to all nuts). I still jump when the mobile rings at mealtimes if the children aren't with me. When the vegetarians have their party I shall be twitchy until I've collected her. However embarrassed she was she should have let you know, really rude not to say anything. The child could have had a diplomatic illness

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