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In tears over gp visit

(17 Posts)
Squidmission Mon 21-Sep-09 13:45:06

I went to see the gp this morning due to being concerned about ds2's height. He has multiple allergies and has hardly grown over the past year. The hv said she would refer me to a dietician but I've heard nothing for ages.
Because of ds2's allergies, he's been referred to St Mary's so I'm waiting for an appointment to get further testing etc.
I've chosen not to vaccinate him for the mmr yet. I'm not anti vaccine and ds1 is fully vaccinated.

I saw a gp today that I've only seen a couple of times before because my regular gp was off.

As soon as I walked in, the gp literally started shouting at me about not having the vaccine done and told me he was going to inform the social services. I told him not to be so ridiculous. This obviuosly angered him and went on, shouting at the top of his voice, that because I wasn't fulfilling my legal obligation and that I obviously had no concern for my childs health he was going to report me. I held it together at the surgery and tried to explain and told him it wasn't actually illegal to not vaccinate but he was just focussed on trying to belittle me.

I walked out of there in tears and has taken me ages to calm down.

I'm so frustrated at the lack of help and advice I've had so far (I had to test ds2 privately as the gp didn't know who to refer me to and told me that he would grow out of his allergies anyway)

I want to complain but I don't know who to or if they'll believe me or even side with him because I should have vaccinated him.

Sorry, its become a long post but I'm so upset and just wanted to offload.

lockets Mon 21-Sep-09 13:48:11

Message withdrawn

gingerbunny Mon 21-Sep-09 13:48:27

you should def complain, you went there for help and support not to be shouted at.
ring the surgery back and ask for a copy of the complaints procedure, this should tell you who and where to complain to or ask to speak to the practise manager.
write everything down.
hope you get on ok.

lockets Mon 21-Sep-09 13:50:05

Message withdrawn

Squidmission Mon 21-Sep-09 13:52:13

Thanks. I'm still so angry and upset but a bit calmer now.

Gingerbunny thanks I'll do that.

stickylittlefingers Mon 21-Sep-09 13:52:16

That's awful - even if he did think you ought to have had the vaccinations done, he should have said so calmly and told the reasons why, whereupon you could have explained why you hadn't. In other words, behaved like two adults. That is totally out of line and unacceptable.

These days there must be someone - GMC or something - that you can talk to. I'll have a see

OrangeFish Mon 21-Sep-09 13:56:35

Ok, first calm down, second write word by word how the conversation took place, then ring the surgery again and ask for the name of the practice manager, and postal address of the surgery. If you don't remember the full name of the doctor, ask for that too.

Then send a formal complaint letter to the practice manager, do a search for primary care complaints in your area and send another copy to them.

It is not illegal to miss the vaccinations, it may be questionable for all the know factors but nobody, absolute NOBODY, can force you vaccinate your child if you don't want to.

If you want to wait for the allergy reason is absolutely OK. We waited until the allergician at hospital gave the all clear.

AliGrylls Mon 21-Sep-09 13:58:09

I take it you are still seeing the HVs. Are they aware of the situation and the reason why you have not vaccinated?

I have not had my son vaccinated because he has not gained weight for 4 weeks now - I have told my HVs, paed and GP why I have not done it and they have been fine.

Legally I am sure he has no ground for reporting you, as loads of people choose not to vaccinate for much lesser reasons than yours. I think he may be talking bollocks.

stickylittlefingers Mon 21-Sep-09 14:00:04

Checked GMC website - they want you to resolve with the dr first if possible (I'm not sure if you want to contact him again, tho?). Anyway, the dr's duties include a duty to:

Treat patients as individuals and respect their dignity

Treat patients politely and considerately

Which he hasn't. I would do as Gingerbunny says, presumably means talking to the practice manager.

Hope you're feeling better

moosemama Mon 21-Sep-09 14:01:37

Thats terrible, you should definitely complain about him treating you like that.

NHS guidelines for making a complaint about at GP are here

Hope you are feeling better now. smile

choosyfloosy Mon 21-Sep-09 14:08:12

Sympathies. It took me several years to get over a GP appointment where I felt bullied, in fact it took another GP to take away the sting.

Write a long complaint letter to the practice manager, then write a short succinct version and send that. They do take notice of complaints (was previously a GP's secretary, nothing senior). Something like:

I saw Dr X today and felt harassed by his manner and comments on the vaccination status of my second child. I consider his approach to be unacceptable and would ask you never to book me or my family in to see him again.

During the appointment Dr X stated that I was not fulfilling my legal obligation to have my child vaccinated. There is of course no legal obligation to have children vaccinated in this country and this was not an acceptable or appropriate comment to make. I would ask you to provide me with a summary printout of [ds2]'s record to ensure that the fact that I have refused vaccination for him at this stage is appropriately recorded.

You will note that my first child is fully vaccinated. You will also see that my second child is currently on the waiting list for immunology assessment at St Mary's, and has now been waiting for XX months. This specialist assessment is the main element of the information I consider that I require before making future decisions on vaccination. If you are concerned about his vaccination status, please could you contact St Mary's and advise me when an appointment is likely to be booked?

Yours sincerely

calypsoblue Mon 21-Sep-09 14:12:15

These doctors sometimes get a far to high opinion of themselves and tend to treat patients like they are cattle remember you are the mum and nobody will want whats best for your child or knows your child better than you. He may be right and sometimes they are under alot of pressure but his attitude does not sound very proffesional. At the end of the day he is there to provide a service and not to dictate or treat you like an idiot

Squidmission Mon 21-Sep-09 15:01:35

Thanks for all your help and the links. Its helped me to form a coherent complaint, both verbally and in writing.
I phoned to speak to the practice manager but he was unavailable and asked me to call back tomorrow morning.

I'd like to speak to him first and then send the letter of complaint (thanks Choosyfloosy smile)

Thanks again all you lovely people smile

Northernlurker Mon 21-Sep-09 15:06:32

This is really shocking. I am very pro MMR but tbh the type of vaccination concerned is irrelevant here. No HCP should be shouting at you and threatening you. It's just terrible practice. Very glad you are complaining.

tatt Mon 21-Sep-09 22:14:26

I consider most of the fuss over MMR to be terrible - but even if he's been treating children with measles he had no right to behave like that. Do complain - and choosyfloosy did it brilliantly smile.

AliGrylls Tue 22-Sep-09 09:51:09

Some people just should not be allowed to work in the NHS (I probably should not start down that road again).

I hope you get it sorted out and I hope DS starts to do better soon.

pagwatch Tue 22-Sep-09 09:57:22

The vaccination programme is entirely voluntary and he has no business shouting at you. You do not have to explain your self or justify yourself.
My DD is not vaccinated and the surgery have simply ASKED me to write to them confirming that I have taken an informed decision not to vaccinate her.I was happy to do it as they are simply covering themselves which is understandable.

You should report him because if he is bullying and upsetting you then he will no doubt be doingthe same to others who may not have the personal resources to resist him or report him

I hate bullies. And liars. Saying that there is a legal obligation to vaccinate is a straightforwrd lie.
I would not want this man treating me or my family.

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