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Feeling so sad about DS' peanut allergy

(17 Posts)
ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Sat 05-Dec-15 16:16:49

My baby DS was diagnosed with a peanut allergy a couple of days ago during an allergy test. We had suspected a milk allergy (which was also diagnosed) but the peanut
allergy came out of the blue.
I was quite shocked and didn't ask
many questions so I have no idea
what he can expect as he grows up.
Quite a lot of what I've read seems to
suggest to me in my very negative
state that he's going to have a very
narrow constrained life where he
won't be able to do loads of things
his wee mates can do like parties
and soft play and baby groups in
local cafes.
I'm also struggling with feeling really
ungrateful, I have an otherwise
healthy wee boy who is a total joy.
We're going to contact the
department on Monday but any
stories of life well lived with a nut
allergy would be very much
appreciated to tide
me over.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 05-Dec-15 16:20:28

Peanut allergies can be mild or severe. The ones you are reading about are the severe end of the spectrum.

My dD has a peanut allergy and has an epipen but she just gets a rash. It has never stopped her doing anything we want to do.

neolara Sat 05-Dec-15 16:24:58

My dd has a peanut allergy. Initially felt similar to you, but 3 years down the line, I can honestly say that it is fine. You get used to checking food but it hasn't stopped her doing anything.

trixymalixy Sat 05-Dec-15 16:27:51

Yes there will be things that your DC won't be able to do, but the things you have listed aren't among them. My DS is 8 and is allergic to nuts, milk, sesame and eggs. He's never missed out on a party or soft play and I took him to every baby group going.

He has a full happy life, with sleepovers at friend's houses and skiing trips abroad etc.

The only place I feel he misses out is being able to eat cake at parties and ice cream in the park. He is quite stoical about it all though. I usually try to make sure the is a treat he can have instead.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 05-Dec-15 16:28:58

Dd is also dangerously allergic to eggs and fish. She still has a full happy life.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Sat 05-Dec-15 16:33:45

Thank you, I'm just feeling so crap about it. We really don't know anything at all, we were told to avoid all nuts and traces of nuts and to make the house nut free so we've done that but other than that I'm totally lost.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Sat 05-Dec-15 16:36:43

Thank you for sharing these stories, I've been catastrophizing and I feel like I've fallen down a big black hole. Its so good to hear I'm just being a knob smile

INeedNewShoes Sat 05-Dec-15 16:37:09

I have a very severe peanut allergy. I'm 33. I have an absolutely full social life - I eat in restaurants, I go to dinner parties, I go on holiday abroad.

My parents took the attitude that rather avoiding all possible risky situations they should take me to parties, to friends' houses for dinner, on holiday abroad and use the opportunity to teach me how to keep myself safe.

There are certainly people out there who won't eat at restaurants, eat at parties etc. due to allergies. This is not the approach I will take if I have an allergic child myself. With common sense, lots of checking ingredients and increasingly-helpful restaurant staff as education about allergies increases, I believe that you can still experience life to the full.

I have an allergy list that I send to friends who want to cook for me. I have allergy cards I have created explaining my allergies in Italian, German and Spanish (and I speak French) so that when I am on holiday I can communicate my dietary requirements to the chef.

I am life-threateningly allergic to peanuts, cashews, walnuts, pistachios, brazil nuts, lentils and chickpeas. I also have allergies to all other nuts. All of these ingredients are relatively easy to avoid if you take care.

I'm not going to lie - I've eaten nuts inadvertently a few times, but have only had one life-threatening reaction. With the right medication (epi-pens, antihistamines) and not being hesitant in using them most allergic reactions can be stopped before they become life-threatening. Most of the fatal cases we hear about involve the patient not administering their epi-pen. If you always carry the meds and use them straight away you can keep yourself/your son safe for the rare occasions a mistake is made.

This is a manageable condition and although it might seem scary now, you will find ways of handling it so that your son enjoys a full social life. flowers

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Sat 05-Dec-15 16:41:55

Thanks again, I love you vipers.

beverlyh Mon 07-Dec-15 17:16:15

Hi

really struggling with daughters recent anaphalixis episode she ate a chocolate containing peanuts, ended up in hospital where she was quite poorly for a few hours, it was really scary now i am having panic attacks and feel sick, she is 15 years old loves chocolate and is off on her own a lot of the time, she has always eaten from bakeries (which are a minefield and a nightmare), she is quite anxious now about going out. she is not allergic to any other nuts and cadburys chocolate label peanuts as a separate allergen so that has been a god send, does any one know if she can still eat Nutella she always has and is not allergic to hazelnuts.

need to get my head round this and deal with it please tell me it gets easier

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Tue 08-Dec-15 13:13:47

I know how you feel. DS was diagnosed last week and its a shock, you realise that every thing needs investigated and loads of things will change. If its any comfort, I feel a lot
more capable now than when we got
the diagnosis.
These are some things we've been
doing this week that have really
helped me:
- a lot of supermarkets will provide
you with a list of their nutfree
products. I found it really upsetting
wandering around the shop picking
up item after item and finding it had
nuts in it and it took ages. The list
makes it much easier
-she should check her cosmetics
don't have peanut oil in them but
once again the manufacturers have
been really helpful to us.
-have you seen the dietician
attached to the allergy department?
They gave us lots of good advice and
ours have been really easy to contact
if we have any questions.
-keep a record of foods that are ok
once you find them. We have a note book that we take with us.

DS is a baby so we don't have the same level of complication as you but I did notice that the Anaphylaxis Campaign website had a section for young people that might be helpful for you.

Lastly, and I really don't mean 'Gerroff my thread!' but I got a lot more support and info when I started
this thread than when I was dodging about the bottom of existing threads.

Very lastly, its going to be ok flowers. I didn't really believe the PPs when they said that but it's true, it just takes a while to settle in.

neolara Tue 08-Dec-15 13:43:28

beverlyh - Sorry to hear about your dd. My dd is allergic to peanuts and eats copious amounts of nutella without any problems. If your dd has eaten something in the past and it's been ok, provided the recipe or manufacturing methods haven't changed, it should be fine.

rogueelement Thu 10-Dec-15 10:31:30

I think it's a really common feeling, I remember feeling very similar.

It will take time to sink in - take it slowly and work out what it means for your situation. Peanut can be easier than milk, now that really is a pain!

It sounds as though your DS is very young so for a long time you'll have loads of control, once you work out what to avoid and what you can buy.

I have loads of advice and a good book recommendation - let me know if that would helpful. But in the meantime just regroup and take care of yourselves.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Fri 11-Dec-15 13:33:22

Rogue, thank you, that would be great.
We've managed to get back up to the hospital and have our questions answered. I'm feeling a lot better.
As you said, he's very small so we've got a while to get things in place and he'll never know any different so hopefully that should make it a bit easier. Its a shame that he has these allergies but if he has to I think we've been just about as lucky as we can be.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin Fri 11-Dec-15 13:36:59

Thank you so much for the offer of the info. The most striking thing about all of this is how kind and supportive every one we've come into contact has been, its been a real boost.

babybarrister Mon 14-Dec-15 14:26:28

It is very difficult to absorb the initial diagnosis but the good news is that you are already on these boards where you will find a lot of very sound, practical advice, help and empathy - I only wish I had found these boards a little sooner frankly!

I second the advice re the Anaphylaxis Campaign - as well as having a lot of information - all of which is written by the top clinical experts in the country as the AC has a very high level scientific panel - there is also a lot of very useful practical information about nurseries, travel etc etc

there are also workshops and support groups both for parents of young children and teens - there is a new film for teens to watch - takethekitcampaign

Yes it is a pain. Yes you will have to get super organised. Yes there will some - very limited - things that are impossible to do or eat - the only thing I have never been able to replicate with other ingredients tho is meringues without eggs grin BUT life goes on and as many have said here you will find a way round the obstacles

This is why the support groups are so helpful as they are a ready selected group of parents who have already done a lot of the work and research as to how to manage the issue.

Good luck

KimberleyTin Sat 30-Jan-16 04:49:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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