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I don't think my DS3 can go to preschool.

(50 Posts)
CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 11:41:24

My 21mo DS3 is anaphylactic to nuts and CMP. His ana reaction to CMP is by far quicker and more severe than his ana reaction to nuts. He even reacts to secondary contact and to trace amounts in things like makeup and deodorants.

There are 2 preschools and 2 Nurseries local to me that do the free hours.

I can't get any further than those as I am a Lone Parent and have to drop older DC at Primary, on public transport as I can't drive because of epilepsy.

1 preschool and both Nurseries have refused
point blank.

I had an allergy management meeting with the last preschool, and that doesn't look too promising either.

They have instantly said that they are a nut free preschool, but in the same breath say that they can't be a totally CMP free preschool. Do they not see the irony?

My DS3 also has other issues, been diagnosed as 'hyperactive with a high likelihood of ADHD diagnosis when older", and is also under investigation for Autism.

He will be impulsive, he will touch other food if it is there.

Why is one allergy treated so much differently to another?

If they can't keep him safe, then I have no preschool for him. He already can't go to toddler group because he has had ana reactions there. sad

I can't afford private costs, and I can't afford to travel any further to get him to another preschool, both in financial terms and time constraints. He needs social interaction even more than most due to the possible Autism.

I won't be able to afford to get him to support groups etc or HE groups or anything, because they are all held on other estates in my town,
two buses away. And if they are held at weekends, then I also have my older 3 DC's to pay bus fares for.

Where do you go from there?

greenbananas Thu 15-Nov-12 12:17:46

No good having a statement naming a preschool that can manage DS3's allergies if I can't get him there

Any preschool ought to be able to manange them, and is being discriminatory if they fail to even try. You can insist that they include your DS. However, in the real world I personally feel it is not a good idea to risk sending our allergic children to places where the staff have not understood the issues and where we can't trust them to put precuations in place.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 12:17:57

I thought a 7 year gap would work ok. I didn't count on allergies complicating things!

greenbananas Thu 15-Nov-12 12:20:05

A statement is a good idea. You probably wouldn't get it on the basis of allergies alone, but the combination of allergies plus possible autism and ADHD sounds like a convincing case to me. One-to-one support would help to safeguard your DS - but the preschool would still need to put the basic cleaning, play equipment and snack table table precautions in place!

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 12:20:31

What about proper school then? Do his allergies mean he misses out on having friends and socialising? I don't know? I feel like he is going to be lonely.

He needs socialisation as part of his therapy for the possible probable given our family history Autism, anyway.

greenbananas Thu 15-Nov-12 12:27:51

Proper school the same - they must include your DS. However, I have not applied for DS to go the large infant school right opposite our house because (having worked there) I don't think they would actually take care of him, no matter how many policies they had sitting on file in the school office. We will be walking 20 minutes each way to a more sympathetic school in an another area.

merlottits Thu 15-Nov-12 12:33:11

I would think that school will have to support his allergies but I don't think pre-school is a legal requirement. I might be wrong though.
Giving him one-to-one support will enable a responsible adult to protect him from potential allergens whilst your DS can concentrate on relationships.

Good luck, what a worry.

AnaphylaxisCampaign Thu 15-Nov-12 12:39:36

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TwelveLeggedWalk Thu 15-Nov-12 12:42:56

God, how hard for you to manage.
Very tricky for the nursery too though - I have a toy truck next door which I am putting off needs cleaning as it seems to be covered in a bit of yoghurty vom/drool. Grim at home, potentially fatal for your Ds. Ok mine are younger, but I'm not 100 per cent sure they'll have stopped doing that by the time they move up a nursery room. I would also be worried about sending them in with clothes that have a bit of breakfast on that I might've missed.

TwelveLeggedWalk Thu 15-Nov-12 12:44:12

Sorry, hit return too soon.
Can nurseries warn other parents of the issue or does that bring in confidentiality issues?

greenbananas Thu 15-Nov-12 13:03:54

Can nurseries warn other parents of the issue or does that bring in confidentiality issues?

My DS's preschool sent out a letter to parents, saying there was a child with severe allergies in the class so chilren would all have their hands wiped on the way in. The letter didn't name my DS but it did help to make parents more aware.

Actually, it was quite funny when one of the mums at the gate waved the letter at me and said "just look at this..." - she was clearly about to tell me how ridiculous she thought it was, so I jumped in with "oh yes, that's my son" and she backpedalled so fast that I could hardly keep a straight face grin (she has turned out to be lovely and as she is a keen cook she tells me about various recipes she has found that might be suitable).

eragon Thu 15-Nov-12 13:29:27

there have been some very good examples of how pre-schools can handle allergies here.

do you have access to a childrens centre? they might be more supportive.

can you contact local community nurses and ask if they can visit you with the pre-school leaders who already have allergic children in setting?

agree with anaphylaxis campaign contact.

school will be an issue, but they HAVE to support you with a health plan. it might be worth you downloading the 'medicines in schools and early years settings' document on your local education website, so you are aware of what their procedures and duty of care actually are.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:36:41

I'll pencil in a phonecall to the Anaphylaxis Campaign for Monday I think. Tomorrow is a bit busy!

I rarely get to take him anywhere, soft play is out, toddler groups are out, I even have to pick isolated parks and wipe equipment before letting him play.

There's a particular park near my house that must be the cleanest in the country!

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:38:07

My Children's centre is a small room that holds 12 in a church hall. My estate isn't 'deprived' enough to have a proper one. The proper children's centre is two buses and 1hr25mins by bus away. Would take 20 minutes if I could bloody drive.

cashmere Thu 15-Nov-12 13:40:12

Could you find a childminder for now? Or invite friends over say once a week? Must be really difficult.

cashmere Thu 15-Nov-12 13:44:04

Another thought- maybe get in touch with some local autism groups and explain that although he doesn't have a diagnosis yet he has some specific difficulties. They might know of specific gym or swimming sessions you could try and also offer general support.

Pancakeflipper Thu 15-Nov-12 13:44:24

Our nursery has a list in the class of the children who have allergies ( there is 1 child who cannot have nuts or anything with milk protein). It lists the allergy, has a photo of the child, how to avoid the issue, what symptoms will occur if in contact with what they have an allergy/intolerance to and what to do.

My DS2 is on this list and I have no issues with a list in public view in the class. Occasionally they have staff from their other nursery working there and it makes it easy for them to check.

The child at our nursery comes into nursery 30mins after the rush of parents dropping their kids off to help avoid contamination from others. He is collected 15mins before the mad rush for collection. He is very much part of the classroom and well cared for.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:51:42

Childminder can't take the vouchers for the 15 hours, and I can't afford to pay.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:54:40

The Autism support groups meet in non accessible places for me. One is at 9.30 on a Tuesday morning, a 1hr in rush hour bus journey from my DS2's primary that doesn't go in until 8.45.

The other is every other Saturday and would mean a solo bus journey of an hour an a half each way, costing over £10, with my 3 DC 's that have Autism AND my other DC.

Not exactly manageable. sad

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:55:56

Can't do swimming - uncontrolled epilepsy means I'm not safe to take the DC's.

There are just so many obstacles!

I just wanted to send him to a local preschool that will properly manage his allergies.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 13:57:18

I feel isolated, it's not going to be surprising that this will also isolate him. sad

Pancakeflipper Thu 15-Nov-12 14:00:41

Then phone the number the person on here gave you. Don't do it next week do it now. They might have ideas and help you develop an action plan. Speak to the Dr, the consultant, the HV. Is there an Early Years contact at your city council who might have suggestions?

Come on, I am nagging you to start getting an action plan together. I am sure you posted this before or there was another person with very similar circumstances and there was some helpful stuff on there.

Namechangeforapropertythread Thu 15-Nov-12 14:10:08

Have you tried a different childminder? The one I'm thinking of using here does the eyfs and many parents choose not to do preschool and carry on with her. If they're set up for foundation stage they accept the 15 hours free funding so you could get the 15 hours that way. That's if you clo find an allergy aware childminder that takes vouchers but there are several near me!

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 15-Nov-12 14:11:06

Wasn't me! Do you have a link.

I would get onto it quicker if I didn't have 101 things going on this month. I have to go catch the bus in 5 mins to get DC's from school, get 1 at 3pm then have to hang around till 4.15 to get the other. By the time I get back by bus it's dinner baths and bed.

In a house where 4/5 are disabled, one of them the only parent, you have to plan your time well.

I have 3 appointments tomorrow. It's no good 'nagging' me, if I overdo it I end up in hospital.

I'm doing my best!!

Pancakeflipper Thu 15-Nov-12 14:15:57

Cannot search as on my crappy mobile thingy but will try to get on the laptop tonight.

Unless I am having that dejavu thingy...

cashmere Thu 15-Nov-12 14:23:23

Some childminders will accept the 15 free hours- think this can be slightly less than their usual rate but only 25p or so. Think the main obstacle is that they have to complete extra paperwork. There are a few round here that do though- think some are struggling when competing with nurseries.

Your local council should be able to post you a list of registered childminders that you can ring.

Your life sounds really tough. Do you get support from social services or have a CAF in place?

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