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i've had enough and want to run away.

(23 Posts)
AddictedIsAMummy Mon 22-Nov-10 16:56:52

i dont know where to put this, but thought this might be the best place.

my dd is 3 weeks old and i think she has a cows milk intollerance/allergy. I'm not breast feeding her, which is how i know about the cows milk allergy/intollerance.

She has been so sick and today i (with the hv's help) have managed to convince the doctor to refer us to a specialist to get her tested firstly to find out to what extent she is allergic and secondly to see if there is anything else shes allergic to. (there is history in the family and the hv agrees there is a problem)

Its the second doctor i've been to see, the first told me it was just collic and to keep persevering with the aptimil. sad i insisted on seeing another doctor and am giving her whysoy (its not his baby who is screaming, bringing up all her milk, not putting on weight and getting dehydrated as well as not wanting to sleep on her own or be put down)

All this i can deal with. But what i'm really struggling with are the comments from 'friends'. Coments like 'if you were bf her you wouldnt have this problem' 'its your fault shes so sick, you made the choice to hurt your baby' or my fav one yet 'did you know giving soya milk can cause cancer? Your effectivly feeding your baby cancer.'

I'm trying to let these coments wash over me and ignore them, not see the 'friends' that are making these coments. But its so hard, i already feel like a failure without tthese coments. Does anyone have any good come backs or ways of letting it wash over you?

And has anyone here been in a similar situation with a baby and a possible allergy?

MyLifeIsChaotic Mon 22-Nov-10 17:12:36

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MyLifeIsChaotic Mon 22-Nov-10 17:13:38

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Whelk Mon 22-Nov-10 17:14:00

Ah that sounds thoroughly awful and hard work.
Don't blame yourself, these things do happen regardless of hat its worth. If it helps I bfed both my dds to a year and both hve multiple allergies!!

If you (not others) are nervous of soya then you could get a prescription hypo-allergenic milk uch as Neocate or Nutrimigen.
Sadly you really have to push t see a specialist- but keep going and hopefully you will

People can be rubbish! OIf course you aren't feeding you baby cancer! You are doing your best and you are not a failure.

Whelk Mon 22-Nov-10 17:19:09

Sorry there are so many mistakes in that post. I'm having keyboard issues

AddictedIsAMummy Mon 22-Nov-10 17:44:54

i know i'm not feeding her cancer. But its just so hard when you already blame yourself and someone comes up with another problem you could be giving your child when your just trying to do your best. I've been assured the cancer link only comes into play if they have been drinking soya for years and years and years.

She is thriving on the soya and has put on so much weight. We tried her on pregestimil but she was really bad on that and ended up refusing to drink all together. The dr did offer to try others, but shes so happy on soya, shes like a diffrent child. So the dr agreed to refer her and after shes tested try some other milks when we know more.

In all fairness this dr i'm seeing now is great and really understanding and most importantly doesnt make me feel like a neurotic mother!

nottirednow Mon 22-Nov-10 19:11:30

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AddictedIsAMummy Mon 22-Nov-10 19:50:31

the health visitor did mention reflux, but the sick often, but not always, includes bile and also when shes on the soya there isnt any sick (apart from a normal tsp amount)

I know they are not real friends and i need to cut them from my life. Its just easier said than done.

nottirednow Tue 23-Nov-10 08:51:16

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babybarrister Tue 23-Nov-10 12:45:39

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auntevil Tue 23-Nov-10 13:45:27

I knew when i went to ante natal clinic that i would not be able to bf. I was totally blanked at the classes - no information given to me as to what to feed as that would be considered as promoting one brand over another.
all 3 of my DS have different intolerances - but as babies they were fine and have developed later (except perhaps DS3 - who has never been able to swallow beyond first puree).
I cook most of their food from scratch, they are as fit and healthy as their peer group. There are many choices you make as a parent that you will be criticised for by some quarter. The proof of the pudding is raising a happy healthy well balanced individual. by seeking advice you are obviously trying to do just that.

littleweed10 Tue 23-Nov-10 13:52:05

Hi

I've think you've had fab advice and support from these ladies so I'm not going to harp on too much but just wanted to say
don't worry you're in the right place to have a chat with likeminded people in different states of frazzlement (its a technical word!)

With a 3 week old, I bet you're so tired anyway, its such a lot to be coping with on top of the small matter of motherhood - you're doing great. You're working to find solutions, you're acting as your baby's spokesperson as they cannot do it themself.

Do try to have any time for yourself, even if a relative or friend holds little one for 10 minutes whilst you have a loo break. With all this concern over the possible intolerance, it is mentally draining on top of the tiredness..

And, lastly, you do need support, everyone does. But sometimes meeting new friends who are exactly at the same point as you in motherhood can be more positive and morale boosting than existing friends who can be more... directive in their approach...

Meeting new friends - have you been in touch with your local surestart children's centre? Perhaps a new mums group, under ones might be just the ticket to help you build up a support network at this knackering time.. If you put surestart childrens centre and your local town name in Google, something should come up

the new mums group I went to forged a little group of ladies I still meet up with 18 months later. And were lovely through all times - good or bad.

littleweed10 Tue 23-Nov-10 13:53:12

sorry, I did harp on... just with you, I had a similar time...

MyLifeIsChaotic Tue 23-Nov-10 14:57:39

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AddictedIsAMummy Wed 24-Nov-10 08:32:36

nottirednow i feel guilty for not breast feeding, not only because they say it prevents allergies and ilness (althogh judging bythis threead thats not true) but also because if i was breastfeeding i wouldnt be having this problem. She'd have her milk sorted and we would be happy.

I see what your saying, but i'm so reluctant to try another milk because she just gets so ill. She screams non stop and it sounds like she is in so much pain. and she throws up quite violently and its proper sick not just milky sick.
The doctor has said that we can try a new milk after she has been tested which i am happier with.

I didnt realise it was so difficult to get a referal, my hv said i needed one so i went to the docs and demanded one blush she agreed after looking at dd!

Thanks all, i'm feeling much better now and going to try some baby groups, see if i can make some new friends smile

trixymalixy Wed 24-Nov-10 09:04:49

I ebf DS fir 6 months and he has tons of allergies. The first 6 months were hellish as he was reacting to the milk proteins in my breastmilk and screamed while feeding, would only feed for 10 mins at a time and then need to feed an hour later. I was totally exhausted. It took 6 months to get a diagnosis of allergies, when we started weaning him.

So please don't beat yourself up as even if you had bf It is likely lo would have had allergies anyway. At least as you are not bfing you got a diagnosis quickly.

A friend told me she thought I had caused DS's allergies by bfing as she thought he was exposed to the milk proteins too early. I pointed out that as formula was made of cow's milk then ffing wouldn't have helped she then said not to be s so stupid as there was no cows milk in formula shock

goingroundthebend4 Wed 24-Nov-10 09:17:08

I'm another one who FF and planned to right fr being pregnant with dd and met the same comments and looks ,no one asked why they just prejudged me

Dd has milk allergey and same as others said soya often reacts sane way dd went on nutimgen at 6 weeks. And how I got her used to the taiste was by mixing bottles half and half then increased nutrimgrn daily till on it and the differance it made to dd was great infact when ds3 was born he went straight on it

littleweed10 Wed 24-Nov-10 12:04:37

ha ha tixymalixy - its amazing how many people don't think about what normal formula is made from - cows milk!

Don't worry about the taste of formula - neocate, soya, what ever - it all tastes pretty yucky to our palate, and, as the others have said, they get used to it, by gradual introduction if needed.

(this was the thing that plagued me for months on my son having to have neocate - i felt so guilty - when I tried a normal formula (SMA I think) - it was RANK!! - best thing I did. Made me feel so much happier about proceeding with neocate).

He is now 18 months, still on Neocate, also drinks Oatly in his cup in the day, and likes both equally - even though Neocate is incredibly yuck, and oatly is just like normal milk in terms of palatability. He doesn't bat an eyelid, and just seems to have both as 'milk'...

nottirednow Wed 24-Nov-10 14:58:56

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babybarrister Wed 24-Nov-10 15:48:51

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BalloonSlayer Wed 24-Nov-10 17:07:15

Well I think you are doing the right thing.

If your DD is allergic to soya then I think something would have showed up by now (my DS1 is allergic to milk and was as allergic to soya at 6 months) he is now still allergic to milk but fine with soya.

A friend's son is 21. She is mildly allergic to milk so when she had him she BF, then put him on to soya milk when she went back to work as she suspected he would be the same. He was. He has grown up absolutely fine. And this was a woman who wouldn't have an ultrasound as she thought it hadn't been proved safe, won't have a microwave etc.

(Yes I know that they weren't saying about soya the stuff they say about it now, but it's not EVIL you know.)

If soya formula was that dangerous, there's no way they'd make it.

You are doing the absolute best for your DD with the information you have at the moment.

Tell them all to fuck off. smile

Mukoli Thu 25-Nov-10 12:50:50

Hi, I am sorry I didn't have time to read all the comments but I just wanted to tell you that my son was also allergic to cow's milk but he was OK with goat's milk. You can buy goat's formula in every supermarket....

nottirednow Fri 26-Nov-10 12:51:28

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