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In love with son of an alcoholic. Please help?

(2 Posts)
GilbertGrapesGoat Tue 17-Dec-19 22:59:21

I love the son of a man who had alcohol dependency problems. Sadly his father died from an alcohol related illness.

My boyfriend is a bit of a closed book. He’s 41, has had one long term relationship and has a daughter from that relationship. He had a few girlfriends before his ex and I’m his first girlfriend since.

Before we got together we got to know each other over a number of months. I was going through a difficult break up and we became close friends. I think at that stage we didn’t realise how we felt about each other so we were very honest about our feelings and behaviour in past relationships.

He told me that he had said he loved all his past girlfriends but had never meant it. I was surprised but liked his honesty.

So now I find myself several months into the relationship. I don’t want him to tell me that he loves me because I don’t want to be another woman who he has lied to.

I spoke to a close friend whose mother is a recovering alcoholic. She said that she thinks he may have a fear of intimacy because of his dad. Could this be possible?

Do adult male children of alcoholics have trouble trusting, loving, being emotionally intimate with their partners? I know that he can feel love. He loves his daughter. He loved and misses his dad.

I really want to be able to understand him a bit more. Any thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
Dozer Thu 26-Dec-19 10:15:45

What he said about his exes and his “issues” seem like red flags that he will not be a good boyfriend / partner.

You sound at risk of seeking to “save” him. It all sounds heavy for such an early stage of dating.

Better to consider what he has to offer YOU. Especially if you too have DC to consider.

There are books recommended on MN threads about adult children of alcoholics. And loads of info online.

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