I need your help please

[Dotty2019]

I need your help to enable me to stop drinking.

I'm drinking every day and far too much. I couldn't get out of bed this morning to take the children to school. Probably a good thing as I would have been over the limit anyway.

I'm sick of feeling crap all the time. Why do I do it? I can't just have one glass. As soon as I start I think sod it and just carry on drinking until I physically can't any more.
I have so many problems in my life but this is one I can control so I'm starting with stopping drinking.
I'm going to use this thread to keep reminding me how much I need to do this. I would love some support and positive stories if anyone wants to join me.
Day 1 starts today! Thank you for reading

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

I can't give you a positive story but I have namechanged to write a post very very similar to yours. I drink too much at home but I also mess up when I go out, stay out vary late and doing things that make me cringe the following day. I have also put on loads of weight.

I have downloaded an app called DrinkFreeDays and for the moment aim to drink only on Friday and Saturday night and simply stop going out on benders.

So am here to talk if you need!

[Babymamamama]

Just want to chip in support for both of you. Can you both start with a trip to your GP or local support service.... you are statistically much more likely to succeed if you tap into help at the same time. One of my best friends has been tee total over 20 years. It can be done. Taking the first step is the hardest part.

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

Thanks Babymamamama. I have thought of going to the GP but this is a very small community and I do work in health and social care... but your fact about succeeding might just convince me!

[PurpleFrames]

I also recommend getting a referral to your local support services, you will not loose your children for seeking support!

Also have a google of narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous they provide great peer support in a nonjudgmental space which is never under surveillance.

[mumsince2018]

Hi your doing the right thing, the first thing an alcoholic needs to do is accept they want help and they want to stop!
My mum was a bad alcoholic when I was growing up. I was around 15 when it got really bad (this was only around 6 years ago). She had split up with my dad, she has medical issues such as epilepsy,severe asthma and she has recently got diagnosed with MS. I used to sleep on an air bed that had a puncture in it because she would spend all her money on whiskey and wouldn't get me a bed. She would drink a bottle and a half of straight whiskey a day. It got the point where the Doctor said if she doesn't stop, me and my sister would get taken away from her and she would also possibly be dead in 6 months has her liver was shot.
She got help and went to rehab for 2 weeks,she had to go to follow up appointments for months afterward but 5 years later and she hasn't drunk a single drop since. She's now an amazing mum and nanny to my little boy and I'm so proud of her. It might seem impossible and hard now but you CAN do this. I've seen how hard it is to do but it isn't impossible. Think about your kids and do it for them if you don't want to do it for yourself. Wishing you all the luck in the world 🌍

[Dotty2019]

Thank you so so much for the replies.

Needtogetmyselftogether lets support each other. Like you I am reluctant to go to the gp.
When I think back at mistakes I've made in my life it is almost always down to alcohol.
My hangovers are terrible and I can't function at all the next day. To be honest I don't even enjoy the taste of wine. I just drink to blot stuff out.
Never really drunk spirits but I drink a lot of wine
and I drink to get drunk .

mumsince2018 what a sad story and I'm so sorry that you grew up like that. I'm glad your mum has now stopped and is a better mother to you.
I hate the feeling the next day but then by 7pm I'm feeling better and think I can start drinking again. I do have a couple of nights a week off but I want to either stop altogether or just 1 night a week. I think I need to completely stop for a while though.
I'm hoping this thread will help me. I'm fat look haggard and I'm really frightened that it is going to make me seriously ill. I'm not a happy drunk either so there really are no positives I. Drinking at all.

I've just had a very tearful phone call with DH. His business is struggling at the moment and we are both drinking too much. There seems to be no fun in life at the moment but I know the wine is just making things worse.

Again thank you it means the World to me to have some support. X

[Dotty2019]

Oh and DH is going to support me and not drink at home for a while. He knows it's becoming a problem too .

[TubbyMcTat77]

Well done for admitting you need to stop. That's the first step. My drinking got out of hand last year. I started opening a bottle of wine most nights and not stopping til I'd finished it. After a while even that wasn't enough so I'd have a vodka or gin after it too. I never felt hungover and I was still able to work and parent. I didn't think it was a problem. But I felt tired a lot and I put on loads of weight. Now I still drink but only on a weekend and I stop at a bottle. It's not ideal and some people need to quit completely rather than just moderate. But I feel so much better for it.

Try and fill your evenings with other things. Go to the gym or wrapped up and go for a walk. Read a book. Bake a cake. Have a long bath. Anything that stops you from drinking. After a while you will notice the positive changes and you won't want to go back there anymore. Good luck

[Confusedbeetle]

I understand entirely why you dont want to go to the GP. I can seriously recomend a programme online by Anni Grace and her book This Naked mind. It seriously considers how you feel about alcohol. There is no labelling you an alcoholic. She has worked from her own experience of depression anxiety and alcohol addiction. I never thought I would but easily completed her 30 day alcohol free. Daily videos and support. Will change the way you think about that first drink and whether you want it . Its called the Alcohol Experiment and is designed to let you feel what it would be like to be not drinking and make better choices. It is not suitable if you have such a severe physical addiction that you need medical detox. Most people have a psychological need.
Please look at some of her material. it is all free. and read her book
www.alcoholexperiment.com

[Confusedbeetle]

AA would never work for me. Annie Grace does

[Dotty2019]

Confusedbeetle
Thank you so much for the link. I have signed up to do the 30 day challenge.

Thank you all so much for the replies, I am really going to try this. If anyone wants to join in then that would be great.
I definitely won't drink tonight as I felt so ill today. One day at a time, I really really want to do this.
Thanks again x

[Wildorchidz]

How did your children get to school today?

[Dotty2019]

Wildorchidz DH took them

[iamyourequal]

Go for it Dotty, and change your ‘I am really going to try this’ to ‘I am really going to do this.’
Check out another good site thesoberschool.com/. It’s run by a woman called Kate and I’ve found it very helpful, it’s very positive. Get yourself books, podcasts, email subscriptions to all the sober sites. Download an alcohol app. Banish alcohol you can’t resist from your house and fill your fridge with nice alternatives. Keep busy in the weakest hours and if you need to, just head to bed super early at the same time as the kids!
I am on AF day 21 after a decade plus of drinking 5-7 nights per week. I wish you every success.

[Dotty2019]

iamyourequal

Thank you (love your username)
Well done on 21 days that's amazing. Do you feel better? Going to have a look at the link

[iamyourequal]

Thanks Dotty I feel much better. I am sleeping better, I don’t get up in the morning with a sour stomach and fuzzy head. I don’t wake up on the sofa at 2am and then struggle to get back to sleep.

This is all great, but the truly surprising thing is I am much calmer. I thought I was always stressed and bad with my nerves because I am very busy and have a stressful job. Now I see that the alcohol was making my anxiety much worse. I feel I am coping better now.
It’s not all easy though, I will admit I really miss having a drink with my DH at the weekends. Anyway, I really hope this is a turning point for you too. You can do this. One day at a time as they say!

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

Hi there Dotty how are you doing today?

I will sign up to that website too, I fell asleep on the sofa before 10 last night not having recovered from the weekend bender. I went to bed straight. I think that is the trick for me, just finish stuff at home and go to bed, which I suppose is what normal people do!
I haven't drunk since Saturday/Sunday and my trigger is the meetings that we have on Wednesdays at work. But I am determined!

[Dotty2019]

Morning Need
Feeling much better today. I didn't sleep very well but at least I didn't wake up this morning feeling ill and ashamed.

I found it easy not to drink yesterday as I was feeling so rough. I know as the week progresses I will be tested. It's usually at the end of the week I'm tempted.
Is it after your meeting on Wednesdays that you feel tempted? I am planning on getting some nice soft drinks to give myself that reward, maybe that can help?
Well done for signing up to the 30 day program. I do feel more positive that I can do this.
I think it's important to keep busy in the evening.
Good luck, we can do this!

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

Good to hear, yeah it was easy for me yesterday too. But I do feel so good! happier than last week that's for sure.

My meeting is tomorrow, it is very casual and there is always food and could last the morning so Tuesday night it's always a bit of a mid-week wind down. But I will not buy any wine tonight and go to bed really early.
I also got the app Drink Free Days.
I don't really like soft drinks but I can make myself some lemonade which I do like also hot choc is a good one because it fills you up too.
I have a hobby/craft that I can do too.

[Dotty2019]

That's a good tip regarding hot choc, will give it a go.
I'm finding the alcohol experiment really helpful. Thank you Confusedbeetle for recommending that. Video today made me feel very positive and I feel excited that my life is going to improve.

This is the first time ever that I feel that I'm not losing something (alcohol) but I'm going to gain a better life (if that makes sense?)
Good luck today Need

[Dotty2019]

Good morning

Hope you were ok last night Need?
I had another restless night, finding it hard to drop off to sleep. I have been eating a lot of rubbish the last couple of days though. Going to go for a long walk tonight so hopefully that will work.
Think it's just my brain adjusting to no alcohol.
Day 2 out of the way!

[FuckyNel]

Well done @Dotty2019!

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

Well done Dotty!
I was ok, we just didn't buy alcohol. I ate a lot too and fell asleep on the sofa before 10, I am surprised at this because I though the wine was making me do that before. It kind of helps tho because then I don't get anxious.
Ever heard that cheese at night gives you nightmares? I don't know if it's true or not but it was last night. Horrendous nightmares...
No wine and no cheese for me tonight!

[Gracey88]

Hi everyone I'm so happy to have found this thread, I've been drinking about two bottles a day for most of this year and I've had enough.

I'm currently on day 3 with no alcohol and I feel anxious but well rested. Thank you for all the recommendations and links.

I really want to quit drinking forever and enjoy sober living. I just can't moderate, it's like once I start I can't stop and it's affected my health and marriage.

Looking forward to supporting everyone and learning how to fight the wine witch x

[Needtogetmyselftogether]

Hi Gracey! I am on day 3 too. I manage by not buying wine, but it is difficult when I have to pop in the supermarket for something else -like tonight- but I will resist!