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I'm giving up drinking.

(307 Posts)
WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 10:06:43

I'm writing this so I can come back and remind myself why I'm doing this when I feel weak.

I don't want to drink anymore. I don't want hang overs. I don't like how irresponsible I am drunk. I hate waking up and wondering what I did last night. I hate feeling guilt and remorse the next day. I hate that if I don't get to have a drink on a Friday night I get annoyed. I hate that I can't just have one without wanting more. I hate that my friends buy me alcohol for my birthday because they know I like a drink. I don't want to end up like my dad.

I don't want it. I don't need it.

OP’s posts: |
comfortablynumb1 Sun 06-Oct-19 11:51:24

Just wanted to reply and say I could have written this. I'm lying here with massive anxiety with yet another hangover and I think I can't do this anymore. Things have to change. I'll do it with you if you're willing?

WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 16:17:55

@comfortablynumb1 A friend to do this with would be so nice. Yes please. I'm sorry you're in the same boat but we can turn this around.

My hangover developed into a migraine and I'm still in bed now. Lost a whole day and feel so angry with myself.

How are you feeling now?

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comfortablynumb1 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:49:41

Feel awful too.

I had a long awaited event that I went to yesterday, I promised myself I would pace myself and enjoy it and as usual blacked out after a few hours of drinking. Then I made bad decisions, not dangerous ones this time and had my husband with me thank god.

I've had anxiety all day worrying that people aren't talking to me anymore.

I'm always the drunkest person at gatherings/evenings out/events. My health is suffering. I can go a few days without drinking but then I reward myself by getting shit faced on 3 bottles of wine. No more.

I need to do this for me now. I'm going to be 40 in a few years and I don't want to spend my forties battling this like I have throughout my thirties.

Hope your migraine is easing thanks have you given up ever before?

WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 17:10:34

Your night sounds very similar to mine (from what I can remember). You're not alone flowers

I've never given up before except for when I was pregnant. My DH would joke about how I could never go 9 months without a drink but it was so easy. It was like a switch had been turned off in my brain and I just didn't crave it at all. I wish I'd just carried on staying sober once my son arrived but I didn't. Knowing I could drink again was too tempting I guess and the switch had flicked back on because my brain had no baby to protect anymore.

Have you given up before?

I wasn't supposed to drink last night. I'd vowed to be designated driver but changed my mind 2 hours before due to FOMO. Said I'd pace myself and go home just tipsy. I was so drunk I was acting like my drink had been spiked. It hadn't. I was at a house party with old friends. So much regret.

My DH has been wonderful today, looking after me and our 2.5 year old. He shouldn't have to though.

The good news is that this is the start of something better for us both. I hear the first month is hard but we can do it because we want and need to!

OP’s posts: |
comfortablynumb1 Sun 06-Oct-19 17:20:31

How funny I was exactly the same with both my pregnancy's I didn't even think about alcohol and thought that maybe I could just give it up entirely but everything centres around alcohol..
celebrating something/anything? Have a drink..
funerals? Have a drink.
Weddings? Have a drink..
parties, work night out, Christmas, birthdays, holidays. It's a nightmare.

I know how I drink and feel the next day is not normal.

I'm going to download the Allen Carr audiobook and listen to it on repeat.

Let yourself be looked after today. This will be your last hangover smile

femininefrillsandfurbelows Sun 06-Oct-19 17:43:19

Me too. I’m in. I give drinking alcohol more time, money and headspace than I can afford. It is costing me my health and particularly my mental health. I probably drink 2-3 times a week at the moment but far too much when I do (usually a bottle plus of wine). And it’s making me fat. Literally, there is no upside.

Also, with every respect to the lovely ladies on the Trying threads, I can’t moderate. I’ve tried so many times.

Can we make this one a real “giving up” thread? I desperately want to be AF.

OneToThree Sun 06-Oct-19 17:46:40

I gave up March 23rd. I’m loving living alcohol free. You can do this!

pennyhasdropped Sun 06-Oct-19 17:49:33

I'd like to join you to! I have no off switch and often get so drunk I'm not even sure what I've said and the regret the next day is so bloody awful! I'm know for being the life and soul always with a glass in her hand.. truth is I'm hiding behind that glass and avoiding real life. I get up each day with headache but by 5pm I'm looking forward to that first glass of wine. It really does have to stop!! I can't moderate my drinking, I have to go completely AF 😬

femininefrillsandfurbelows Sun 06-Oct-19 17:54:41

The ‘I am sober’ app is a good one. It gives you your sobriety figure to the second and you can sit there watching the seconds add up.

comfortablynumb1 Sun 06-Oct-19 17:54:59

Looks like we have a little support group, fantastic.

I'm counting today as day 1.. we can do this.

I've read mummy was a secret drinker on the kindle app which was good. I know I shouldn't obsess but reading about others and listening to podcasts about giving up the booze really helps me. If anyone has any to recommend I would appreciate it.

femininefrillsandfurbelows Sun 06-Oct-19 17:56:26

Annie Grace is amazing. So positive, no blame or guilt. Just talking sense about why alcohol is adding nothing to our lives.

pennyhasdropped Sun 06-Oct-19 18:00:26

I have been AF since Friday so 2 days and already my sleep is better! Currently have a wine glass of Diet Pepsi on the go whilst cooking dinner 🤛

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 06-Oct-19 18:12:20

Day 1 is the hardest. Have every conceivable alternative to alcohol in the house so you can choose whatever you fancy is a good tip I heard.

A couple of days ago I read this story (sorry it's the Daily Mail) and I was just so appalled for this poor woman and her family


femininefrillsandfurbelows Sun 06-Oct-19 18:15:22

I find day 4 and 5 the hardest. This isn’t the first time I have tried to give up. What happens to me is that I start off with good intentions and then as the days AF pass (and I can do 4/5 days, albeit with some difficulty) it starts to seem less urgent. Which is very silly.

WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 19:43:54

I'm finally out of bed! I managed to keep some painkillers down long enough for them to kill my migraine. It even allowed me to spend an hour with my son before bed and put him to bed, which made him (and me) so happy. I feel redeemed.

We can support each other through this 🙂 We can do this. We can be happier and healthier. We can even get a WhatsApp group going if anyone's interested.

I find weekends the hardest. I suppose I'm a binge drinker. I don't drink during the week because I don't want to risk driving drunk in the morning, especially with my son in the car. If I know I'm not driving on Saturday or Sunday though then I'll get on it the night before. If I miss an opportunity to drink I get so pissed off.

OP’s posts: |
WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 20:07:59

@OneToThree congrats on being sober since March! That's amazing! And thank you for your support. We're going to follow in your foot steps.

@Nextphonewontbesamsung thanks for the drink tip. And that story was crazy. Hard and interesting to read all at the same time.

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Brexitstash Sun 06-Oct-19 20:12:10

Really recommend Annie Grace's The naked mind, I read it 2 years ago and haven't touched alcohol since.

comfortablynumb1 Sun 06-Oct-19 20:15:22

I'm up for a WhatsApp group. I can't hide from that then but can always delete my Mumsnet app if I'm feeling really determined to drink!

I just want to be sitting here next Sunday knowing that I haven't drank all week.

I'm a bottle of wine with dinner sort of person which then turns into two then three.. waking up at 4am hating myself as I'm wide awake and I know I'll be shattered all day even if I do manage to get back to sleep.

I also love getting nice and drunk throughout the whole of Sunday as I have a glass bottle while cooking then carry on. I'm so ashamed.

So pleased that you got to put your son to bed and are feeling determined. So am I 💪🏻

WeAreAllAdults Sun 06-Oct-19 20:53:21

@Brexitstash thanks for the book recommendation. I'll look at it now. And that's fantastic that it's been 2 years! How have you dealt with peer pressure to drink in that time? Have people started to accept that you don't drink over time and stopped asking?

@comfortablynumb1 message me your number and I'll set a group up. Let's take back control 💪

OP’s posts: |
Brexitstash Sun 06-Oct-19 21:02:15

@wearealladults I told people I get alcohol induced migraines, seemed to work, peer pressure was met with a 'no thanks' on repeat. Currently pregnant so have that excuse, no intention of returning to it though.

Drum2018 Sun 06-Oct-19 21:17:24

Also read The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley. I used to drink a couple of nights during the week and at weekends - not a huge amount but enough to have an ongoing debate in my head about it. I wanted to drink but I knew I'd feel like shit the next day, and on it went.

One day when I didn't move off the couch, despite promising a cinema trip to the kids, I made the decision to stop. I text a few people, (who probably thought I'd lost my mind) so that way it was out there, I'd said it, I had to follow through. I told people I was trying it for a year as a challenge that I'd read about on Facebook. A year came and went and it was tough but I was stubborn and didn't want anyone saying they knew I wouldn't do it. It's nearly 3 years now and I'm still off it. There have been a handful of times when I'd have drank from a sweaty sock but I'm glad I didn't. I have dreams of drinking and am always so annoyed with myself for drinking, and am so relieved when I wake up and realise it was a dream. My dad was an alcoholic so I always had that niggling fear at the back of my mind that I'd end up dependent on it.

You are right when you say You Don't Need It! Take it one day at a time and if you do slip up just start again. Every weekend without a drink is a bonus. Good luck!

JenniferM1989 Sun 06-Oct-19 21:59:22

Most people need a 'crutch' in life. Some people use healthy things like exercise, others use unhealthy things like smoking, drinking and drugs.

The world is quite depressing and stressful. There's very few people that can get through life without a crutch.

I don't really drink. I have the odd night out but I'm the 2 or 3 type when I'm out. However, I do smoke. I stopped smoking for 2 whole years while TTC, being pregnant and my son being a baby but then I started again when he was about 8 months old. I don't smoke a lot and as you can imagine, it's ALWAYS outside and never in the car and certainly never when I'm out with my son. It's a kind of when I have free time or working sort of thing but I do get through 4 packets a week!

So although I don't drink really, I do have a crutch. Can I join and we can all replace our unhealthy crutch with a healthy one?

I've accepted that I'm not able to face the world without something to escape with and that is smoking. You ladies so far know that you are the same but with drinking. I want to quit but I tried and felt awful. A day and a half I lasted before crying and just feeling totally devastated and like my life had little meaning! How stupid is that?

Carrie7899 Sun 06-Oct-19 22:09:59

Please can I join?

pazwaz70 Mon 07-Oct-19 00:01:19

I need to join. I've just drank 2 bottles of wine over the night. My excuse is as it is every time that I've had a shit shift at work. I'm a nurse so does that make it right??!! My whole life as been ruled by alcohol. In my head I so want to stop but I like alcohol & the way it makes me feel.
I feel my Daughters life has been ruined by my alcohol intake even though she's at a bloody good university & doing well. I feel the guilt every single day!!

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