Does dh have a problem?

[WhatWouldPaulaDo]

I know very little about alcohol addiction so apologies if that shows. My dh and I drink socially, but dh has always gotten more drunk than me on nights out and dinners at friends, and even if we're having wine at home on the weekend he'll finish off the bottle and open another. Over the years I've gotten to the point where I know if I have another glass of wine it'll tip me over and I'll feel terrible the next day, and i stop. Dh doesn't seem to have that switch and just keeps going until he's blabbering on making no sense. Then feels terrible in the morning. He's not fun to be around when that far gone (not that it would justify it if he was!), arguing, sulking, not making sense etc. Certainly not violent.

He also often makes 'rules' for drinking that seem overly complicated (e.g. "I'll only drink two glasses unless it's the weekend, then I'll have more, but not on a tuesday") and he never follows them anyway. I sort of ignore it - he isn't making rules for me, I don't monitor him, or pull him up if he doesn't adhere to his crazy rules etc.

Last night at a friend's place for dinner he drank god knows how many glasses of red wine and went into nonsensical territory, clearly more so than our friends. I had a glass as i was driving home. I gave him the car key and said clearly 3 times to go and open the car so i could carry stuff up and into the car. I turned around and he'd gone outside, jumped in the car and drove it to turn it around thinking it was helpful. I was livid. He's never gotten behind the wheel before and could have hurt himself, the car or someone else's property. We'd have been fucked as he was clearly drunk.

He then started getting really angry with me that i was taking it so seriously (i shouted at him to turn the car off, get out right now, i'm livid etc.) and defended what he'd done.

It's morning now and he's apologised for everything, knows how awful he was being etc.

Do you think he has a problem?

[WhatWouldPaulaDo]

There were paragraphs in my original post! Shit sorry for the wall of text.

Also, what are the warning signs, how should I tackle this with him?

[WhatWouldPaulaDo]

Anyone?

[sandgrown]

My DP drinks almost every day and cannot stop when he starts. Because he goes to work etc people do not believe he is an alcoholic. I believe the term is a fully functioning alcoholic.

[ihatethecold]

I would say there are warning signs that he has a problem.

Can you talk to him about your concerns?

[iMatter]

It certainly sounds like he has a problem.

Will he be defensive if you tell him?

Does he make a fool of himself when he's rambling on? Could you tell him he's making an idiot of himself? No one likes a stupid drunk. My friend's dh talks shite when he's pissed - I'm surprised he doesn't notice the eye rolling from everyone else.

[WhatWouldPaulaDo]

Thanks for the replies. I have raised it in the past as a question of whether he thinks it's a problem and his response has been pretty defensive. I will still raise it with him this week as it's stepped up a notch. Today he was hideously hungover so not a great state to have a proper conversation.

And yes he is pretty embarrassing when he gets like that, his mates do notice and laugh, and i feel bad for him / get annoyed that he's allowed himself to get that hammered. He just can't handle it. I've told him from time to time about what he's said and done the night before, and he cringes. It's kind of mean so i don't do that often.

[iMatter]

Maybe embarrassing him will help him realise what a prat he's making of himself?

He might be in too deep for that to matter but it might be worth a try?

[Threadastaire]

I think people get hung up over whether they have a problem, as 'problem' is often assumed to be physically dependent alcoholic who needs to be teetotal for life - which is a daunting prospect and the physically dependent part only affects a minority of people. I read a memoir where the author talks about her issues with alcohol as akin to having a nut allergy - that sometimes she had so much she was risking her life, most the time it made her feel like shit, what was the shame in deciding not to eat nuts?

There was a really good programme about social boozing that resonated wth a lot of blokes I know, but I don't know if it's still available to watch - Adrian Chiles drinkers like me.