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Alcoholic mother sucking the life out of me

(2 Posts)
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sat 13-Oct-18 08:40:59

Yes I agree it’s more complex than your DH thinks and, if not necessarily for your mother sake, you want to support your sister.
It’s a very difficult situation that needs to be managed sensibly. I would be blunt with your mum and harden your heart towards her - tell her that you will only answer a set number of calls a day (a number that works for you but for me it would be once a day) and ignore all other calls/ texts. And tell her as she drinks and gets into fights you cannot allow your children to visit her. Your responsibility is to them not her.
Say these things kindly but firmly and stick to them.
I do know that it must be incredibly hard though but for your own sanity I would be setting up firm boundaries.

AlcoParent Sun 07-Oct-18 20:47:41

Wwyd about this.

My mother had an accident about 3 months ago (got into a fight whilst drunk shock) and ended up in ITU with a 'serious' head injury. We all thought she would die and despite being NC for 10 years I visited her and did the 'dutiful daughter' thing like everyone was telling me to do in case I regretted not saying good bye. hmm

Well, by some miracle she has survived this terrible life threatening injury and is now living back at home 200 miles from me. She phones and texts constantly. Starts at 6 and goes on all day. She spends her day getting wasted and driving my sister mad ( she lives close by), she's frequently in hospital. I feel I can't go nc again as my sister will be even more on the receiving end and I fear it will trigger a mega binge which will be her end. Although I often wish she'd died in the accident blush

She is manipulative and a liar. She'll call and obviously be drunk but deny it, she plays my sister up against me constantly, she demands visits and cried about not seeing my children. I haven't seen her since she left hospital and I don't want my children near her. But how do I deal with this?

I've started only answering her messages once on alternate days and otherwise ignoring her. She sent 25 text messages today alone! To top it off DH has told me it's my fault for responding and I should cut her off. Not helpful. It all feels so much more complex than that.

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