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Alcohol support

So scared

10 replies

Mummybear80 · 09/09/2018 01:22

Been on here since my eldest was born 18 years ago... commented on a few posts...I really need help now tho

Funny as I sit here with my glass of wine and feel confident enough to type this, I wanted to do it last night but my partner got up and I couldn't...I went to bed..I'm sitting here right now, after two bottles of wine (between us) but I've been guiltily of sneaking wee drinks in here and there and I just can't do it any more.

I have never admitted I have a problem with alcohol but I know I always have if you know what I mean? God this sounds terrible.

I'm very insecure, was with my ex for 17 years and have three gorgeous daughters, I left tho 3 years ago as we both knew things weren't right and we were both just going through the motions, as much as it was a shit relationship we are actually quite amicable now but he does like a bottle of red wine about every other night.

I met a new person and thought he was great but found out he was watching porn when I was away at work, I know that's not a big thing for most people but I just can't get over the fact he was pleasuring himself to these other girls and it's killing me...I wish I could just get over it.

Alcohol is the main factor tho and I can't just seem to have " a couple" as he says, and he is right...If there is anything left in the house I will drink it..I'm sick of It and I'm just lost now..My dd (12) has started to notice and it's killing me....if it wasn't for my girls I know I wouldn't be here, and that's not just saying that for sympathy, I can't let them be on their own.. really lost right now, my girls are my world but I just can't help think they would be better off without me but I know I know I love them so much and wouldn't put through me being a selfish bitch?. But then I don't know if they would be better without me?

Thanks for listening, don't know what to do but going to read this back and hopefully get some sleep x

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SpoonBlender · 09/09/2018 02:02

The best thing you can do for your kids is get off the booze so you can be with them, and the first step is realising it - that self-awareness will help so much to get you through.

Check your doctor's website - they almost always have a link on there for alcohol/drug abuse help. There should be local help/guidance/counselling services dedicated to it.

It'll be hard - alcohol has a real grip on your brain chemistry. Please do take the next step in the morning and get in touch with a service that can help.

My mum recently died of falling over while drunk, after three years of being in and out of hospital for various alcohol-related organ failure issues. Please don't let that happen to your kids xxx

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Mummybear80 · 09/09/2018 10:00

Thanks SpoonBlender, It took me so long just to post this but I know deep down I need to address it, thanks again and will have a look online today for help x

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buddhasbelly · 09/09/2018 10:06

Hi OP, well done on admitting you have a problem. It's a hard step to take.

Would you look at recovery programmes AA, SMART?

I had preconceptions of AA (religious etc) which were totally wrong.

A meeting is usually 1.5 hours, what have you got to lose?

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SpoonBlender · 11/09/2018 20:37

Hey @MummyBear80 - did you have a chance to look up local professional help? We're rooting for you.

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Mummybear80 · 13/09/2018 14:22

Hi SpoonBlender! Thanks so much for checking up! Ive actually managed to only have two glasses of wine since Saturday night!
I'm thinking about the AA, on a plus point I'm about to move house and I need to drive the girls to school every morning so def won't be drinking then, think I just needed that kick from you all to get started and needing the courage to actually post and get advice, thank you so much

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HollowTalk · 13/09/2018 14:28

A friend of mine was in this position and she decided to attack it from all sides. She downloaded the Drink Less app and used it every day. She read the Jason Vale book religiously (it's here) and she watched loads of TED talks.

Did you watch the Adrian Chiles programme on TV (think it was called Drinkers Like Me) on the BBC? It'll be on catch up.

She said she was trying to brainwash herself into not drinking - and now she hasn't had a drop for over a year.

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sanssherif · 13/09/2018 14:34

I have been there.
Without alcohol your brain works much clearer.
Give yourself 2 drinking days to 'look forward to' then go from there
In the meantime see your gp and ask for a referral
It can be done, the less you drink the less you crave x

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ImperfectTents · 13/09/2018 14:57

Don't be scared , I found reading lots of books like the unexpected joy of being sober and this naked mind useful. Also this blog is good www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com
I quit in March and am delighted to wake up without feeling guilty and hungover. Good luck

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SpoonBlender · 14/09/2018 01:49

Hurrah for progress! Don't be put off the whole thing if you find AA not to your taste (they're heavy on the 'let God help you through' in a lot of places, which does work for some people). Going with the medical counselling teams is fine too, and possibly less forbidding to get started. Mum's support group were wonderful people. Do whatever works, but please please do it

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Mummybear80 · 21/11/2018 00:26

Thanks so much everyone, I was doing so well then went back to my old ways and having a glass of wine every night then it moved back to a bottle every two nights, but I've done four days this week without anything, I know that sounds like nothing but to go a day without a glass is a big thing for me, I'm not expecting any praise Im just glad I've managed to do it, it's soo hard tho, I felt so good not drinking then I thought I will just have that one..many thanks to you all you