I drink. A lot. Everyday. I hide it well; don't fall over or vomit but my temper & foul mouth engages at the most nothing thing.
Last night it verbally abused the most precious person in my life. I don't even remember what I said. The pain & hurt in his eyes this morning is unbearable. I'm so ashamed & disgusted with myself.
I've come to work but have booked a hotel for tonight as I'm too ashamed & disgusted to go home.
This isn't the first time its happened but somehow he's always found a way to move on although I don't believe it was actual forgiveness which isn't surprising and nor would I except that.
If I've lost him then there is nothing left.
Earlier this year I tried to stop, managed about 60 days but caved when we went on holiday. Managed to moderate the intake until May but I became unemployed (by choice) over the summer and that's when the drinking ramped up again.
This has to stop. I have to stop. It may be too late to save my relationship but I have to try.
I've read the books - Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Mrs D Goes Without, Moderate Drinking & the Sober Diaries and they make perfect sense.
I don't think AA is for me due to the religious element. Has anyone got any experience with SMART Recovery?
Its going to be a long day ...
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Alcohol support
ROCK BOTTOM - - Anyone tried SMART Recovery
13 replies
HCHQ · 03/09/2018 11:32
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