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Giving up the wine - addictive personality

(14 Posts)
queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 20:27:26

Hi
Not sure if this is the right place to post!
I've always had an addictive, all or nothing personality, ran up £15k of debt in three years due to a shopping addiction, cant enter a casino without blowing loads, even when on a weight loss programme I take it to extremes and enter into disordered eating. When not on a weight loss programme I binge eat. Can't buy family size bars of chocolate etc as I will eat it all straight away and not even enjoy it.
So when I drink, I drink good! Luckily it doesn't take a lot to get me drunk these days but I'm finding my tolerance increasing loads. This week I've had a hen do, a wedding and a family party and caned it on the wine each time.
This isn't a typical week for me as we don't go out much at all, but I have found myself opening the wine at home of an evening and finishing the bottle even when I've promised myself I won't.
Wouldn't call myself an alcoholic I am just aware of who I am and crave MORE MORE MORE of that pleasurable feeling.
So my new plan is simply no drinking at home. So on the rare occasion we get a night out, then I can let loose without feeling horrendously guilty and worried about my health. If I don't have it in the first place, I don't actually want or crave it but don't feel the need to go without forever (unless this plan fails.... Which it won't grin)
Today is day one... Long may it continue!

OP’s posts: |
FruitCider Sun 26-Aug-18 20:43:52

Hi OP! I'm a substance misuse nurse and whilst I can't give personal advice there is something that jumps out at me.

You say you have had problems with debt and disordered eating and now you drink alcohol to excess.

Have you ever seen anyone about your mental health? How is your mood? Is it stable?

SwayingInTime Sun 26-Aug-18 20:48:28

I really hope it works for you OP.

Sorry to hijack, fruit cider, did you have a particular condition in mind that would cause behaviours as described in the OP?

queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 21:00:22

Hi,
Argh, wrote a post and then deleted it.
Yes, my MH is stable however hasn't always been (bad anxiety, depression and OCD in the past, in my twenties) actually help run MH workshops myself in the community where I live.
I only drink when DD is at her dad's but I always finish the bottle and if my DH is at home it's then more.
Other than health (my great aunty died of liver failure at 30) I am currently starting up a company so want to spend my free time and money doing that rather than pouring Sauvignon down my neck!
I know with who I am that I am just as content with 'nothing' as I am with 'all' - I started this thread for accountability in case I ever slip and just been reading through the big thread about reduction and am feeling positive about the stories that it can be done.
Food is actually the main consistent problem for me, binge eating atm (three stone gained in two years!) so that's also one I need to tackle.
Given up smoking so I can do it. I'm 35 in two days so this is going to be my year!!

OP’s posts: |
FruitCider Sun 26-Aug-18 21:03:09

* Sorry to hijack, fruit cider, did you have a particular condition in mind that would cause behaviours as described in the OP?*

I certainly do...

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/experiences-of-bpd/#.W4MHAaTTWE

I know most will say that it's easy to jump to conclusions, however the link between EUPD and substance abuse is very well established.

As I said, I can't diagnose or give personalised advice online which is why I asked the OP if they have explored their mental health with anyone.

FruitCider Sun 26-Aug-18 21:06:50

Hi OP, your post really resonates actually. I don't have a personality disorder but I certainly have traits of EUPD, binge eating, previously overspending, and previously drinking to excess and taking recreational drugs to excess before I had children. My life is very busy. So please don't think I'm coming from a judgemental POV because it really isn't like that at all x

queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 21:15:45

Fruit Cider, thank you.
I certainly recognize a lot of the traits in myself that I had previously attributed to my GAD.
You didn't sound judgemental at all.
Never drink around DD but before she was born I was a train wreck with drinking all the time and putting myself in unsafe situations. Never want to get to that level again hence why I am reducing MASSIVELY. I have a great husband, daughter and job and never want to jeapordise that.
It is possible I have unresolved issues from my past that could contribute to the way I am.
It's nice to have a safe space to talk. flowers and brew not wine

OP’s posts: |
FruitCider Sun 26-Aug-18 21:21:23

Good, because sometimes when you mention EUPD traits to someone they freak out and go on the defensive.

I think for me learning about the ACE study (if you have trauma from childhood have a google!) was the turning corner that made me love myself more and become a better clinician. I work in substance misuse because I recognise that it could easily have been me.

I had all the classic signs and no-one picked up on it until I was 30. Self harm as a teenager, Traumatic childhood, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, excessive drink/drug use, keeping excessively busy and entering a cycle of burning out...

thanks

Moominfan Sun 26-Aug-18 21:22:40

Op you know you've got an addictive nature. Don't fight it and embrace it. Channel it into something useful, exercise, education, crafts whatever will give you actual enjoyment and satisfaction.

LeftRightCentre Sun 26-Aug-18 21:24:35

I'd be afraid that if you do let loose in public you'll wind up in jail or worse if you are the type that has no off switch.

queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 21:26:09

It's not childhood so much, I had a happy childhood and was very lucky - it's early adulthood that I have unresolved trauma from.
I will have a Google thanks!
Yep, all those boxes are ticked for me too, also being a massive workaholic and obsessed with being the 'perfect' parent...
I have two DSis, one with aspergers and one bipolar, couple of alcoholics in the extended family so it's a family full of issues confused
I like the self care ideas from MIND. I love that more research is being done on MH than in the past and there's less stigma attached (although a long way to go admittedly!)

OP’s posts: |
queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 21:28:14

Left right centre I'm not that bad grin I usually just have a great time however it's just too much for me and affecting my mental state which is why I want to stop. And try and train my mind to be able to have a few and then stop when I get tipsy. If I find I am unable to do that then I will be stopping all together.

OP’s posts: |
queenworkerbee Sun 26-Aug-18 21:28:49

Moomin, that's FAB advice!

OP’s posts: |
SwayingInTime Mon 27-Aug-18 10:27:41

Have really appreciated this thread, thank you.

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