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Ashamed Monday

(11 Posts)
readyfori Mon 30-Apr-18 13:05:08

Deep breath, as it's the first time I have ever posted and actually admitted I have an alcohol problem. I don't drink every day, probably once a W eek or fortnight. I prefer a bottle of wine at home- going out just doesn't cut it. My problem is not knowing when to stop. I had way too much at the weekend and it's the first time my dc 7 & 9 seen effects on me- and they knew- asked "what's wrong with mummy!" I feel ashamed and embarrassed- my DH said they were fine - not worried about me at all- but I can't get this dread to shift 😞

MissConductUS Mon 30-Apr-18 13:32:05

Kudos to you for having the courage to post and be honest with yourself about the issue. Not having that internal sensor that tells us we've had enough and stopping, is one of the hallmarks of substance abuse.

Have you tried stopping completely on your own? If you struggle with that and you have a good GP, I'd suggest a chat with your doctor. Or if you think it would be easier, find a support group to discuss it with. But do something. Alcohol abuse has a tendency to progress into alcoholism if nothing is done to check it.

By the way, your kids are likely fine. They just didn't understand what had happened with you. Talk to them about it after you've taken some steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Good luck.

readyfori Tue 01-May-18 06:52:18

Thank you for your kind words- it has taken a lot to actually put that down.
I am sure its abstinence I need- cutting down , or excluding a particular drink, just doesn't do it anymore. Got Jason vale book last night , and going to give this a go.
Thanks again

MissConductUS Tue 01-May-18 11:50:31

You're most welcome. I truly understand how hard that was for you. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 24 years of sobriety. I'm also a mum and an RN, so I understand the disease from a medical point of view too.

I'm a Yank, and Jason Vale's books have never caught on here. I've never read them, just read the blurbs on Amazon. If his book can help you achieve abstinence that's wonderful. I can assure you that he is completely wrong when he says alcoholism isn't a disease. It meet the medical definition of a disease (a common set of symptoms, a predictable course of progression and a negative effect on morbidity or mortality) and is understood at the molecular level:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4280079/

I think he takes that view to make it easier for people to buy his books.

Most people need help to stop drinking, so don't be shy about getting some if you are struggling. There is no shame in seeking treatment.

Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Highhorse1981 Tue 01-May-18 11:54:25

OP
You drink once a week or a fortnight?

You are a binge drinker. Not remotely reliant on alcohol if you have such long stretches between. So I think you need to go cold turkey and will probably find quite straightforward given you go fortnights without drinking
Good luck

Highhorse1981 Tue 01-May-18 11:55:15

The question is OP, and be honest with yourself. Do you really only drink once or twice every two weeks?

MissConductUS Tue 01-May-18 13:26:11

Binge drinkers are not physiologically dependent on alcohol (i.e. no withdrawal symptoms) but show a pattern of alcohol abuse. It is wise to remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease that starts as alcohol abuse that then becomes more regular and severe.

readyfori Tue 01-May-18 14:07:28

Yeah I would say binge drinking- but it's whenever I drink anything with larger alcohol content- wine or spirits
Beer is fine, I'll have a few and that's fine- it's when I take anything else. I am really conscious of my inability to stop- but when I drink spirits or wine, after one glass, I'm in the "I don't care phase" one glass really gets me quite tipsy- a few beers do the same. I consciously do limit my alcohol to maybe every second weekend- would never during the week, as I get horrendous hangovers no matter how much I drink- physical and emotional- so safe to say there is some sort of alcohol problem- but I associate a few drinks with relaxing and socialising- hard to pass it up in those circumstances

MissConductUS Tue 01-May-18 14:51:13

I have been declining offers of alcohol for 24 years and never felt conflicted about it, but I was in much worse shape when I stopped than you are now.

The fact that you get horrendous hangovers is not a good sign. Hangovers are a combination of physical damage and withdrawal. Your brain has started to make biochemical adjustments to the presence of alcohol. See the article I linked in my second post.

I found stopping completely to be much easier to cutting back. There's an old saying in AA - one drink is too many and a dozen isn't enough. Please, for your own sake and the sake of your family, try to stop completely.

readyfori Mon 04-Jun-18 08:45:27

Really sorry to say I am back here again, ashamed Monday again. I hadn't touched a drop since my last post and felt all the better for it- but again on sat night, I got stuck into the wine. Got stupidly drunk, in front of my kids, my husband did best to cover it up, but they at the age know they know mummy was drunk. Omg the complete shame, my poor babies. I honestly cannot say why I chose to pour that glass- we went out for dinner and I had 2 glasses with dinner- that's what set me off- stopped on way home at a garage for wine. I get no pleasure in being that drunk- I do like the initial fuzzy feeling- but end up throwing a load more wine in me in a short space of time and then it's lights out. How do I stop this happening again- abstinence is possible- and problem only thing to do, but I had no intentioned having a drink on sat night, came out of nowhere, well to be honest I was probably thinking I wouldn't mind a few glasses with dinner, earlier that day, how do I stop that thought and acting on it in the future? My ability to very quickly fall of the wagon, is very scary.

rumred Wed 13-Jun-18 22:30:49

Hi op have a look at the alcohol experiment website, set up by annie grace. It's so hard managing drinking by willpower only. This scheme /experiment gives you a structure and useful information. I've found it really helpful.
Hope you are feeling better. Drinkers remorse is vile

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