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Just found out partner has alcohol problem

(6 Posts)
Ladylimpet Thu 15-Feb-18 23:01:39

Hi
I found out last week that my boyfriend of a year has a drink problem. He told me himself as he says he needs help. I'd had suspicions from about 4 months in. I did question whether he'd be drinking (if I phoned him in the evening and thought he sounded a little drunk), but he just used to say he was tired etc.
Anyway, he knows he has a problem, and really wants change he said.
I've only actually seen him drunk a few times.
Nights spent with me, he'd sometimes just have a few glasses of wine, as I would.
He says he doesn't need alcohol when with me. He's had a few things to deal with in the past which he dwells on and triggers the drinking off.
Anyway, I suppose I'm asking is what do I do?
He hides himself away when drinking at his place. Doesn't really contact anyone etc.

I know he has to help himself and I can't do much, but what can I do?! If anything?!
I don't know what will happen to our relationship, but I'd like to be there for him.
He's a bloody great guy. Who needs help...
He's just phoned me. I haven't seen or really heard from him since he left mine last Thursday.
He was drunk and he asked if I could help him. He said nobody else will. I asked him what he wanted me to do... and he just said to help.
It's breaking my heart actually. I just don't know what to do for the best.
When he's sober, I'll point him in the direction of alcoholics anonymous- I emailed them today.
Thanks

OP’s posts: |
Paperdolly Thu 15-Feb-18 23:17:15

Only a professional can help him. You can help him by not being drawn in or when he falls (which he will) you will be blamed.

You've already begun to take responsibility by emailing AA for him. Be careful and let him do the running.

Good luck. 💐

Ladylimpet Thu 15-Feb-18 23:25:42

Thanks for replying. Oh, I emailed them for advice for me really.
I know he needs to contact them. Which I'll ask him to do.
But yes, I'll try not to get sucked in that way. It's really hard when he's asking me for help and I can't do anything. It's like he doesn't know where to turn?! Which suggests he doesn't quite want help yet?
I've no idea.

OP’s posts: |
Paperdolly Fri 16-Feb-18 13:21:15

Be an empathiser rather than a rescuer op. If you rescue you continue his myth that he is helpless. Who has tried to help in the past? Where are they now? I suspect if these questions are asked of him there will be an element of blame but no self responsibility from him. 🌹

Karcheer Tue 27-Feb-18 21:00:55

Get yourself to Alanon. You can't really help him, but there are things you do or say that can make it easier or harder for him. He needs to go to AA but that's for him to do, you can't take him/force him. But you can educate your self about addiction and the language of AA. Good Luck.

RedSquirrelMoonlight Wed 07-Mar-18 05:01:58

Get to an al-anon meeting, it will help you realise he and you aren't in a unique position. Also, there are some support group for drinkers that need to first learn to cut down before trying to stop.

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