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I'm descending into alcoholism, I'm risking my life, my marriage and my children and I need help

(11 Posts)
Whydoikeepdoingthis Thu 28-Sep-17 15:10:48

My father was an alcoholic. I am married with 2 lovely children.

I have had bouts of bad binge drinking in the past leading to reckless behaviour, involving black outs, work drinks and inappropriate behaviour, and often sexual contact.

Ive had 3 black outs in the last month and I'm dirnking too much and behaving badly.

I just dont have an off button, I can't stop, I end up risking myself and others.

LAst night I was at a WORK thing, I got very drunk, talked to EVERYONE and danced, almost snogged a bloke, lost my bag, got home at 5am and my husband came down to me with my arms round the taxi driver outside. I could have been raped or worse. I have to change the locks to the house as my keys were in my bag. I was unable to take my son to school this morning and my husband can barely look at me. I can't imagine what my boss at work thinks.

I can't do this any more, my husband will take my children from me. I want to be better and I guess AA meetings and abstinence is the way forward.

I just need support and help and to feel like I'm not alone.

Fairylea Thu 28-Sep-17 15:17:15

I don't know if this is going to be of any help but I have been where you are and the only way forward for me was to go absolutely tee total, change jobs to one which didn't include lots of socialising and completely change friendship groups. Almost like a total rebirth. I also make alcohol prohibited in the house as I just couldn't be around it. 8 years later I am still tee total and will never drink again. I feel much healthier and I don't like myself when I drink. I am totally ashamed of the way I have behaved when I'm drunk. Lots of people think joining a group etc is a good way forward but for me I just had to be really stern with myself and stop. My mum and Gran are also alcoholics. It's not just about how much you drink (although I did drink a lot) but how it changes you.

Low point for me was spending the entire evening drinking to the point I was so drunk I fell over outside a main busy train station on my hands and knees and ripped all my tights in the process. I then had to ring a family member to come and get me as I had spent all my money and lost my train ticket home. I then threw up and nearly passed out on the toilet when I got home and was too hungover to take my daughter to school the next day (my mum did). Everytime I think about drinking I remind myself of that.

Fairylea Thu 28-Sep-17 15:18:20

Oh and at first if I did ever go to anything social I would tell them straight away (when offered a drink) that I can't drink due to medication. It stopped them asking me and I would be caught out in a lie if I then started so it kept me from drinking.

notsobeachready Thu 28-Sep-17 15:18:47

I could have written most of this about my own situation.
I know it's cheesy, but the only way from rock bottom is up. This can (I hear!) get so much better. You've done a brace thing admitting the issue.
Have a search on Brave Babes on here. I have lurked for months and they are honestly the nicest bunch with zero judgment. Don't feel like you are on your own, because you definitely are not.
I could write a very embarrassing book on my drink-related indiscretions. I've lost almost everyone in my life and I too have children. Flipping fantastic little people they are. So why do I do this to them?!
Reach out. Get support. We can beat this xx

Semiskimmed Sun 08-Oct-17 10:49:21

Marian Keyes the author had a similar time to this and writes about it in articles and blogs. Look how successful and beautiful she is now. Look it up it could be helpful ...please be kind to yourself. Things can get better

Hairyfairy01 Sat 21-Oct-17 21:00:49

Hi, your not alone. My father is also an alcoholic, i’m Married with 2 kids and binge drink far too heavily. Like you I just don’t have an off button and it’s starting to affect everything. I think stopping all together is the only way to go for me. Maybe we could support each other?

tryingtobeabettermum Wed 06-Dec-17 13:31:46

I'm here to support you

doolaadoo Thu 07-Dec-17 20:19:29

Hey OP, I've been exactly where you are too. I'm fresh into this sobriety...3 days and counting and if it's of any help at all, I'm feeling ok. The biggest buzz I get is waking up sober and driving my daughter to school, not hungover.

Time to change. You've recognised that......that a great start.

thanksthanks

QueenNefertitty Thu 07-Dec-17 20:25:58

I've been there too...having my DS changed my life completely. I went from way in excess of 50 units a week (easily) to barely any drinking throughout the pregnancy (a handful of glasses of wine with nice meals after the first trimester).

DS is now 15 months and I'd say I now have a "normal" relationship with alcohol. I haven't had more than two small glasses of wine since he was born.

It's possible to change, I promise you. I was right on the edge of alcoholism and I stepped back. You can too flowers

thriceweedpostcsection Sat 23-Dec-17 02:15:57

Can I please join you?
I have used alcohol as a crutch for a long time. It has to stop. I need control of my life again.

ElizaDontlittle Sat 23-Dec-17 02:41:21

Hi WhydoI
I'm an alcoholic too and have been largely sober for the last 5.5 years. I drank to blackout and behaved terribly, but mostly drank on my own to blot things out and of course the more I drank the more ashamed I felt and I wanted to escape that as well.

I went to AA for a while and they taught me what alcoholism is. I found that really helpful as many people have misconceptions about it. I stayed 18 months or so and I tried local alcohol services - because I was a single parent they referred me to Social Services - so your DH however angry he is right now is also protective.
Eventually I have stayed sober through the love and support of my local church - most people I have met with long ish term sobriety seem to dig into a solid support network somehow.

Today is a new day. You are not bad, trying to be "good" - you have been unwell, and you are wanting to get better. There is no shame in that. You deserve the same chances of happiness as anyone else. Do PM me if you want to chat. flowers you can do this.

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