Talk to me about rehab (for DP)

[LambChopsMcGee]

Hi,

I've posted before about DP -- both in terms of his drinking and thinking about leaving him. Either way, he is addressing the drinking (apparently) and while he's still in the house and still the father of our DC, and just because I still care on some level, I want him to succeed.

He's had a meeting with a place, finally, after starting on this whole thing in Feb (after about three years of me pushing him and him denying he had a problem. He now admits he does). He is still drinking daily. He says he's cut down but a few times recently he has had more again, extra glass of wine cos we're having Italian food, going for a beer in a cafe when walking the baby around...hmm..and then he still drinks his daily "ration".

Today I called him on this, the fact that he is making excuses and things. He says this is how addiction works, he can't just stop. I think he is now using the addiction word to silence me as nothing is changing.

What I am wondering is should I encourage him to go to actual residential rehab? He has BUPA through work though I don't know if that will cover any of that (anyone know?). Thing is, he's not a massive alcoholic. It causes huge problems in our relationship, and he is addicted, but he is functioning. Never drinks in the day. Just every night till the wee small hours, has about 4 cans every night after I go to bed, maybe a bit more.

Is this too low a level to be thinking about rehab?

[sidebiddy]

Hi @LambChopsMcGee sorry to hear about your DPs drink problem.

My DH went in to non-residential rehab as he was high-functioning and would have adversely affected his businesses if he had to go away for a few months. The non-residential rehab meant he was in the rehab centre I think 3 evenings a week plus a full day on the weekend.

It was self-funded though and cost well over £8,000 but I'm sure there are cheaper places or you could get health insurance to pay. Have you checked your BUPA policy?

DH still has the odd slip up but is going to AA now 3x a week and working through the steps with his sponsor. It's a long road...

[LambChopsMcGee]

Thanks side, it's good to hear other people's experiences.

That is expensive, so maybe we'll try some other things first. The place he's seeing has mentioned something called "detox at home" so maybe he'll end up doing that. He's not keen on AA, which I respect, but I hope he finds something he can work with.

All the best to you and your DH

[PacificDogwod]

You have not caused his drinking.
You cannot control it.
And you cannot cure it.

Really try to internalise the above - you cannot make him better.
He has to engage with the addiction services.
He has to see his problem drinking as something that he wants to change.

Home detox can work very well.
Inpatient detox is not necessarily better and on the NHS reserved for people with complications of alcohol dependency such as seizures.

Check with your BUPA cover whether they would actually cover alcohol detox - not all plans do.

And finally look at the Al-Anon webpage - for family and friends affected by somebody else's drinking.

It very much sounds to me like he is continuing to make excuses tbh.
V best of luck.

[LambChopsMcGee]

Thanks Pacific.

I think he's trying, but I'm keeping a sceptical distance. He had a meeting with someone yesterday, has to keep an alcohol diary and they will brethalyse him weekly. He seems to think they won't take any crap. I'm hoping that's true. I want too see him tee total, though maybe he will be able to be a genuine social drinker. I've said I don't want alcohol in the house though (as an end goal)

He's been nicer, but I'm not relaxing about any of it yet. I'm being supportive, but not blindly.