I'm an alcoholic and can't stop

[lbab1702]

I'm back to drinking wine daily, every evening. I have bottles hidden in my room so my teenage daughter doesn't know I'm doing it. I have always drunk a lot, from 15 onwards. I've also been very fit and active, have a good job etc. I'm a single parent, met my daughter's father while drunk at 36, he also drank a lot. We split shortly after she was born (domestic violence) and I've probably continued with my drink problem ever since. I'm was diagnosed type 1 diabetic at 50, and that scared me so much that I stopped drinking for 2 years. My daughter now has had an eating disorder for the last year and is under the care of Cahms though hasn't improved, and I've hit the bottle again. I feel so low and rubbish about myself, and have mental battles everyday about not buying wine, but I always crack and drink a bottle a night. I know I need to stop but right now I've no motivation to even want to.

[mumofthemonsters808]

You've battled this demon before and you need to do it again.Alcohol and diabetes is a lethal combination, if you carry on drinking your daughter won't have a Mother and how will she cope ?, this is your motivation, she's already fragile and she needs her Mum drink free.Its understandable that you've turned to alcohol during this stressful time but you need to get some help.You can do this.

[8FencingWire]

Please go to AA. Wishing you well.

[lbab1702]

Quicklydecides. Thanks for your input, not very helpful

[PurpleDaisies]

Things have been really tough for you.

Please get help now. The sooner you seek help the easier this will be to deal with.

[lbab1702]

My daughter is my motivation but Cahms are so crap that sometimes you just give up. I work full time and have had to do that as I get no maintenance. Cahms seem to expect you don't work and can be free whenever they bother to give you an appointment.

[lbab1702]

Thankyou Purpledaisy. You understand what's going on.

[PurpleDaisies]

I know what you mean about Cahms. They can be a massive help but organising it is often a bloody nightmare. I hope things work out for both you and your daughter.

Do you have an understanding GP?

[Psolomon]

Ibab, forgive me if this sounds thick, but don't lots of women drink a bottle of wine a night? I'm sorry if that minimises your situation, I'm just trying to gauge what parameters you have used to decide you are an alcoholic.

[Wolfiefan]

No. Lots of women don't drink 9 or so units a night. Every night. They don't hide bottles. They don't feel they can't stop.
OP you won't stop until YOU decide to but can you make some small steps. Your daughter needs you.

[PurpleDaisies]

psoloman that's nowhere near a normal or healthy consumption of alcohol.

A bottle of wine is about ten units so seveny units a week when the recommended limit is fourteen. The op is also feeling guilty about drinking, hiding it and unable to cut down. Your post is seriously unhelpful.

[Lucked]

It sounds like you did it on your own last time, have you tried support and AA?

[melmax123]

Ask your gp for antabuse. It is a great drug for getting off alcohol . it gives you no choice but to abstain

[PurpleDaisies]

Ten units a night might mean a medical detox is needed so be careful about stopping suddenly.

[Psolomon]

I'm sorry. I can see that was unhelpful.

[ExplodedCloud]

I suspect that whilst you could hang on to some control in ideal circumstances, the reality is any difficulty would be an excuse. And CAMHS is a particular difficulty of overstretched nightmarish struggle.
Drinking won't make the CAMHS struggle any better and it is an excuse. You need to separate them and deal with the drinking.

[peri89]

I wouldn't be so sure about your daughter not knowing. My mum thought she was very clever hiding her drink, but I knew. I always, always knew.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now, but please seek help. It's the best thing you could do for yourself, and as a result for your daughter too

[choccybiscuit]

Please get help soon. My father will die from his addiction and i cant stop that from happening, but you can stop this. Good luck.

[Runningoverthefields]

Hi lbab1702, I'm Running and I'm an alcoholic too but I've been sober for over twenty years in AA. Have you tried AA? The phone number is 0800 9177 650 or you can find a meeting in your area on the website at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

You will be welcomed by other alcoholics who know the battle only too well, and who will be truly happy to meet you.

Try not to beat yourself up. If you're an alcoholic like me then trying to control your drinking with willpower is like trying to mend a window with a sledgehammer. The best thing I ever did was to admit defeat.

[Runningoverthefields]

(by the way, if you went to AA once before and feel embarrassed to go back after a long relapse - don't fret. You'll get the same warm welcome as any newcomer)

[crazykitten20]

Hello. Take a look at soberistas. It is a supportive group. Much love 💕💕💝🐱

[lbab1702]

Thank you for all the support. I've realised that I actually like drinking for the numbness it gives me from everyday stresses. So, after posting last time, I made a good effort not to drink, went early morning running and felt fab. I managed that till the weekend and just went mad, bought wine and drank it and enjoyed it! Enjoyed it too much that I'll want to buy more tomorrow. Why is wine more addictive then running? I know I feel great running and feel rubbish the next day after drinking.