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I'm an alcoholic and can't stop

(23 Posts)
lbab1702 Sat 06-May-17 23:06:17

I'm back to drinking wine daily, every evening. I have bottles hidden in my room so my teenage daughter doesn't know I'm doing it. I have always drunk a lot, from 15 onwards. I've also been very fit and active, have a good job etc. I'm a single parent, met my daughter's father while drunk at 36, he also drank a lot. We split shortly after she was born (domestic violence) and I've probably continued with my drink problem ever since. I'm was diagnosed type 1 diabetic at 50, and that scared me so much that I stopped drinking for 2 years. My daughter now has had an eating disorder for the last year and is under the care of Cahms though hasn't improved, and I've hit the bottle again. I feel so low and rubbish about myself, and have mental battles everyday about not buying wine, but I always crack and drink a bottle a night. I know I need to stop but right now I've no motivation to even want to.

quicklydecides Sat 06-May-17 23:09:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mumofthemonsters808 Sat 06-May-17 23:18:18

You've battled this demon before and you need to do it again.Alcohol and diabetes is a lethal combination, if you carry on drinking your daughter won't have a Mother and how will she cope ?, this is your motivation, she's already fragile and she needs her Mum drink free.Its understandable that you've turned to alcohol during this stressful time but you need to get some help.You can do this.

8FencingWire Sat 06-May-17 23:19:43

Please go to AA. Wishing you well.

lbab1702 Sat 06-May-17 23:27:29

Quicklydecides. Thanks for your input, not very helpful

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-May-17 23:29:48

Things have been really tough for you. flowers

Please get help now. The sooner you seek help the easier this will be to deal with.

lbab1702 Sat 06-May-17 23:31:17

My daughter is my motivation but Cahms are so crap that sometimes you just give up. I work full time and have had to do that as I get no maintenance. Cahms seem to expect you don't work and can be free whenever they bother to give you an appointment.

lbab1702 Sat 06-May-17 23:34:07

Thankyou Purpledaisy. You understand what's going on.

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-May-17 23:36:21

I know what you mean about Cahms. They can be a massive help but organising it is often a bloody nightmare. I hope things work out for both you and your daughter.

Do you have an understanding GP?

Psolomon Sat 06-May-17 23:37:30

Ibab, forgive me if this sounds thick, but don't lots of women drink a bottle of wine a night? I'm sorry if that minimises your situation, I'm just trying to gauge what parameters you have used to decide you are an alcoholic.

Wolfiefan Sat 06-May-17 23:39:30

No. Lots of women don't drink 9 or so units a night. Every night. They don't hide bottles. They don't feel they can't stop.
OP you won't stop until YOU decide to but can you make some small steps. Your daughter needs you.

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-May-17 23:40:15

psoloman that's nowhere near a normal or healthy consumption of alcohol.

A bottle of wine is about ten units so seveny units a week when the recommended limit is fourteen. The op is also feeling guilty about drinking, hiding it and unable to cut down. Your post is seriously unhelpful.

Lucked Sat 06-May-17 23:44:23

It sounds like you did it on your own last time, have you tried support and AA?

melmax123 Sat 06-May-17 23:45:52

Ask your gp for antabuse. It is a great drug for getting off alcohol . it gives you no choice but to abstain

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-May-17 23:48:25

Ten units a night might mean a medical detox is needed so be careful about stopping suddenly.

Psolomon Sun 07-May-17 00:30:42

I'm sorry. I can see that was unhelpful.

ExplodedCloud Sun 07-May-17 00:39:58

I suspect that whilst you could hang on to some control in ideal circumstances, the reality is any difficulty would be an excuse. And CAMHS is a particular difficulty of overstretched nightmarish struggle.
Drinking won't make the CAMHS struggle any better and it is an excuse. You need to separate them and deal with the drinking.

peri89 Sun 07-May-17 00:47:17

I wouldn't be so sure about your daughter not knowing. My mum thought she was very clever hiding her drink, but I knew. I always, always knew.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now, but please seek help. It's the best thing you could do for yourself, and as a result for your daughter too flowers

choccybiscuit Tue 09-May-17 16:23:34

Please get help soon. My father will die from his addiction and i cant stop that from happening, but you can stop this. Good luck.

Runningoverthefields Tue 09-May-17 16:35:25

Hi lbab1702, I'm Running and I'm an alcoholic too but I've been sober for over twenty years in AA. Have you tried AA? The phone number is 0800 9177 650 or you can find a meeting in your area on the website at

You will be welcomed by other alcoholics who know the battle only too well, and who will be truly happy to meet you.

Try not to beat yourself up. If you're an alcoholic like me then trying to control your drinking with willpower is like trying to mend a window with a sledgehammer. The best thing I ever did was to admit defeat.

Runningoverthefields Tue 09-May-17 16:37:22

(by the way, if you went to AA once before and feel embarrassed to go back after a long relapse - don't fret. You'll get the same warm welcome as any newcomer)

crazykitten20 Sun 14-May-17 20:36:07

Hello. Take a look at soberistas. It is a supportive group. Much love 💕💕💝🐱

lbab1702 Sat 20-May-17 23:31:27

Thank you for all the support. I've realised that I actually like drinking for the numbness it gives me from everyday stresses. So, after posting last time, I made a good effort not to drink, went early morning running and felt fab. I managed that till the weekend and just went mad, bought wine and drank it and enjoyed it! Enjoyed it too much that I'll want to buy more tomorrow. Why is wine more addictive then running? I know I feel great running and feel rubbish the next day after drinking.

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