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I think my mum has a problem

(17 Posts)
MissPricklePants Fri 21-Apr-17 13:54:31

I don't really know where to start but I'm desperate to help my mum. My mum has always been a sahm but my youngest sibling is now at uni. I'm in my 30s. For as long as I can remember both my parents like a drink, my dad doesn't drink every day but does enjoy a pint or similar now and again. My mum's drinking has increased over the years, she doesn't wake up until 11am or later and will have a wine on waking. She's stopped eating and can go days without food. She cries a lot of the time and I feel she is depressed (I have suffered with depression) and I don't know what to do to help her. My dad doesn't know what to do. Dm won't see a doctor but she cannot carry on like this. What do I do?

Wolfiefan Fri 21-Apr-17 13:56:11

I'm so sorry.
There's nothing you can do.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
Only the person drinking has the power to stop.
Try Al anon for support? Decide how much you can support your father and how much contact you are willing to have.
flowers

MissPricklePants Fri 21-Apr-17 14:02:58

I love my mum, she doesn't become violent or aggressive but weepy and very emotional. Some days she can barely move. My dad is finding things very difficult, he doesn't know what to do. Neither do I. Thanks for replying.

kohl Fri 21-Apr-17 14:12:22

I'm so sorry OP. flowers
Do you have any idea how much she's drinking?

MissPricklePants Fri 21-Apr-17 14:17:51

Not totally sure as I'm not there all the time iyswim. I know she has a bottle of wine minimum a day along with some whisky/gin. I know it's far too much and that she has lost weight, won't go out of the house or do anything. My dad is worried but I think he's in denial about the alcohol and the impact it's having.

kohl Fri 21-Apr-17 16:43:25

I was wondering how much it was depression/how much drinking but I guess it's all so connected it's difficult to unpick, especially with the amount she's drinking.

How is she getting the wine? Do you think your Dad might go to the GP to get advice for him-or could you go with him?

MissPricklePants Fri 21-Apr-17 16:52:37

She's getting the wine/whisky etc by asking my dad/sisters. My brother agrees with me but doesn't know what to do. It's sad to see, she's nothing like herself anymore. My dad has tried getting my mum to go to the doctors, she won't. I'm not sure if he'd go without her but I can certainly suggest it.

littleoldladywho Fri 21-Apr-17 16:56:23

You should both go to al-anon together. And your dad and her sisters need to stop supplying the booze.

But other than that, nothing you can do except protect yourselves and make sure you have your boundaries in place. Al-anon will help you with that.

esiotrot2015 Fri 21-Apr-17 16:57:06

I would call a family meeting and tell them to start buying her alcohol
Get a doctor to come to the house and prescribe methadone if she's having withdrawal symptoms

You can control it if she won't leave the house imo

littleoldladywho Fri 21-Apr-17 17:00:28

<if you feel her mental health issues are serious enough that she may self harm, or that she is at a low enough ebb to warrant medical intervention for her own safety, then call your gp and discuss. if she is well enough to refuse to go, and well enough to keep coercing people into buying her booze, then it probably hasn't got that far yet.>

HollywoodStunt Fri 21-Apr-17 17:01:07

Are your relatives concerned that she might turn aggressive if they refuse to get her the drink in?

Playdoughinthecarpet Fri 21-Apr-17 17:04:48

Alcohol is a depressant. Could you tell your mum the drink might be making her feel low. Suddenly stopping drinking can cause problems though so she needs to cut down slowly if she won't go to the doctor. Do not put her on methadone ffs!!!

juneau Fri 21-Apr-17 17:07:24

Have you talked to your mum about her drinking? If not, I suggest you sit her down, preferably when she's not too drunk, possibly with your DB there too to reinforce the message, and tell her, both of you, that you're very concerned about her drinking and want her to go and see her GP. Offer to accompany her and make the appointment. Don't allow her to minimise her drinking (which she will). Drinking upon waking is pretty severe alcoholism. She also sounds depressed and she needs to see her GP about that too. Support your dad however you are able to. Ultimately it will be her choice, but you can push her in the right direction and see how receptive she might be to help. Also, contact Al Anon - she provide support to the families of drinkers.

juneau Fri 21-Apr-17 17:08:02

*they

esiotrot2015 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:10:44

Yes ignore the methadone bit , that's not used for alcohol withdrawal although I wasn't suggesting doing anything without GP advice

MissPricklePants Fri 21-Apr-17 17:14:17

I'll ignore the methodone bit, she will minimise as she already does that. Me and DB will speak to her. I don't think she will go to the doctor even with support. I definitely think she needs help, and I feel helpless as I don't think she wants help.

kohl Sat 22-Apr-17 00:53:41

OP I really feel for you, it is so shit and sad.

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