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Should I tell his parents??

(2 Posts)
MsMontyWomble Thu 20-Apr-17 11:23:13

Me and my partner have recently split.
He is a functioning alcoholic and over the 10 years we have been together (not married but two DC's), his drinking and behaviour has gotten worse and worse. There was a terrible incident the weekend before last where I had to remove the children to a neighbours and he smashed our sliding door mirror to smithereens by punching it repeatedly whilst I was sat on the floor in front of it and was sick all over our bed, duvet, floor, curtains and hallway.

Anyway, fast forward to today and he has since seeked help, has been attending at least one AA meeting a day (if not more, work permitting) and has gotten himself a sponsor and is now 12 days sober.

Me and the children moved out for a week and stayed with a friend whilst he cleaned the house up, we then moved back in on Monday and he is staying in a hotel... has no further plans though.

I have said, I will not take him back this time. Enough is enough and it is a shame that it has taken this to make him see it is time to get help and sort his life out - for his sake and the kids.

We have reached a stage where I am past the anger and hurt and I feel able to support him as a friend.

My dilemma I have is that his parents live abroad (France) and are aware of his drinking but do not know how bad it is as a lot has been hidden from them - at the time to protect them which may have been wrong. However, I think they should know what is going on with their son and what he is facing at the moment and that we have split.
He will not tell them as he doesn't want to worry or upset them but I don't agree. No matter if he is mid thirties, as a parent surely you will always want to help your children?

We were never well off and tended to live hand to mouth, payday to payday, and he is trying to support me in the house until I can get the single child tax claim sorted but that will take a few weeks. So, he will not be able to stay in the hotel for long and will need to find a place soon to rent. His parents are quite comfortable money-wise and I am sure could help him financially - temporarily, whilst he finds his feet again. But he will not ask. Stubbornness? Pride? Embarrassment? I don't know maybe all of them.

So, my question is - do I send them an email outlining the situation against/without his knowledge? Not asking for money but making them aware so that they can then reach out to him and offer support in any way they see fit?
Or do I leave well alone and leave this to him??

He is struggling with the withdrawal affects and is mentally a little unstable at the moment - but seems to be coping as well as can be expected. I just think as parents they should be made aware.

What do you think? I have drafted an email but am yet to hit send....

user1491572121 Thu 20-Apr-17 12:53:58

No. It's not your problem...and nor' is his accomodation. I know you WANT to help him but that's another way of enabling him.

If his parents find him somewhere to live etc then that removes his chance of recovery.

He has to hit rock bottom.

He needs to seek help from the authorities and get his own housing.

He will be mentally unstable and sick...but that's not your problem.

Don't tell his parents. That's his choice and his alone.

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