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Starting to think about giving up the booze

(10 Posts)
Prochaska Fri 03-Feb-17 10:12:52

Deep breath.

I stumbled upon the soberistas webchat and something has clicked for me... but I'm kind of nervous.

I know I'm sick of hangovers. In fact I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

My eyes are always bloodshot. I never have any energy, and haven't for years. I'm overweight. I'm anxious, sometimes depressed.

I'm so overwhelmed by things that need doing to run our home, and I'm putting jobs off thinking, I'll do that when I get a non-hangover day, but that never comes.

I'm losing weekends to hangovers, and that's shit for my kids.

Last week I lost actual stuff - keys, bag, purse and in my head I'm not the person that does that. Other people get drunk and lose stuff but I don't. But I did. Ugh.

I put last week's units into an app and I'm shocked to see it was 80plus. Horrific. That was with two big celebrations but could also just have easily been an ordinary week where we go for boozy lunches and carry on.

I don't want to feel like this any more.

BUT.

I'm dreading my DH's reaction. He's going to take it personally. That I won't be his drinking buddy. That we won't get pissed together, have a cuddle and watch Netflix. He'll say, 'but you need it in social situations. You hate being sober on a night out.' I'm worried he'll think I'm boring. He thinks our booze in take is fine because lots of our friends drink more and get in worse states.

I'm worried my friends will think I'm rejecting them. That I'll be flat and tense on nights out.

I don't want to drink this weekend, but we have a night out in honour of a friend. It will be so obvious if I don't drink, people will ask if I'm pregnant or something. I'll be embarrassed. I'm socially anxious and without a loosener I freeze a bit. I need to find other ways of dealing with my anxiety, because I'm killing my self in a bid to numb myself.

Agh. Any advice please? From anyone who is at, or has been at, this first stage of thinking about it?

operaha Sat 04-Feb-17 08:30:34

Hi. I'm still drinking but a bit further on in my thinking. I did 3 nights without this week, sounds pathetic but i was really pleased. I'm thinking i need to quit completely but I'm not there yet. I'm listening to an audio book by Craig beck. I'm not finished it yet but it's really got me thinking. Its quite brutal. I listen when I'm walking the dog each morning so no one knows I'm doing it. I cried after one bit he talked about.
He makes sense and I'm hoping to be alcohol free before too long, not to see it as a negative thing but a positive. I'm going to a party tonight. I know I'll drink but i won't stay late. The way i see it is i know there's a few people who like cocaine going. Im not going to take cocaine to enjoy the party ever... that's the way i need to view alcohol too!! Good luck... keep posting...

Prochaska Sat 04-Feb-17 12:12:26

Hi operha, thanks for replying.

I've done five days and it was easy. Last night was my first Friday night at home without wine in years, and it was nice. DH had a few, but not nearly as much as we usually would.

I feel fresh this morning, and I have energy to do stuff with the kids.

So tonight I'm also at a party and wondering how to play it... I'd like to not drink but can't face the questions. Even from DH.

Or should I just avoid the wine? I never want more than a couple of lagers as I get so bloated. I guess that tactic looks a bit naive to people further down the AF road, but maybe it's a stage everyone goes through?

Operaha, do you believe yourself when you say you won't stay late? I wonder if I'm kidding myself to think I can reign it in but still drink.

operaha Sun 05-Feb-17 09:44:02

Hi yes i can and do stick to not staying late. We left at 10.20 and had said 10. Dh wanted to stay later but i stuck to my guns.
There was a time I'd have had to be put in a cab home, so it's am improvement of sorts to walk the mile home tipsy. Bit of exercise and i can remember the whole night but still had a great time 😀

Prochaska Mon 06-Feb-17 13:57:12

Good on you operaha! Is your DH OK with cutting the night short?

Of course I had a drink, though I felt cautious about each one. However, I was looking at the evening totally unable to imagine not drinking there. I just wouldn't have enjoyed it.

I tried to chat to a couple of friends about the idea of going AF but they were dismissive. They don't think I have a problem (I don't compared to others), and that maybe I should just go longer between drinking nights instead of drinking four nights a week (more if there's good excuses).

I found myself being slightly repulsed by the stories about how wankered people got last weekend. What a state they were in the next day etc. Ugh.

Usually we would have had a drink through our hangover yesterday, but I was firm that I wasn't going to do that.

Even if I'm not ready to go completely AF, I feel like my head is in the right place to massively cut down.

operaha Mon 06-Feb-17 19:16:31

I know to non problem drinkers we sound like we're making excuses but it sounds like you're really thinking things through which can only be positive.
I literally hate the idea of getting "wasted" now and also cringe when people cant remember the night before etc i can hands on heart say that's a stage i can't go back to, I'm not 100% over it but no black outs etc. It does mean I'm the first to go home at night but I'm OK with that.
My dh is really sweet and i kinda wear the trousers if you get me... I'd leave him at a night out and go home myself but he'd just follow!!! Occasionally I'll put my foot down and tell him to stay out bit most of the time he will stick with me!

CheckpointCharlie2 Mon 06-Feb-17 19:23:23

DH and I am similar to you (don't drink as much but in a similar habit) and we have just started buying less deliberately and we have removed one drink from our normal habit in the pub (normally have two pints, now only 1 a half) and I feel more in control and much better in the mornings.
We haven't been out recently so don't know how that will work!

SloeGinRocks Fri 07-Jul-17 14:54:30

Wondering how you two are doing? Did you go AF or still just cutting down? Am seriously feeling like I ought to..hmm

SloeGinRocks Fri 07-Jul-17 14:55:10

(Guess I should prob nc too!)

justpoppingby Fri 07-Jul-17 16:12:32

Well done Op and anyone taking the first steps, I can't offer any mutual advice except to say a friend of mine in similar situation was worried about what people would think if she wasn't drinking so I suggested she said she was doing dry 'insert month', it worked as nobody batted an eyelid or thought anything of it at all.

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