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Is it loving to let go?

(5 Posts)
joystir59 Wed 01-Feb-17 17:36:04

My ex H will not let my adult son reach rock bottom. I have therefore distanced myself from him as he does not want to seek help and I refuse to be around him when he is under the influence (most of the time, then). I strongly feel that it would be loving to let him experience the consequences of his drinking rather than keep bailing him out. What do others think?

Californiasoul Fri 10-Feb-17 22:34:16

I could never let go of any of my children if they had an addiction. I'm their mother. I will always be there for them and put their welfare first.

Wolfiefan Fri 10-Feb-17 22:36:13

You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
If he decides to seek treatment then I would support him but you need to consider your own wellbeing. Do what is best for you. If that's not having contact for now then so be it.

cocochanel21 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:56:10

My dd had an addiction problem. I never gave up on her but there was plenty of times I wanted too. Some family member's told me the best thing to do was leave her to it.
As her mum I just couldn't bring myself to do that to her.

It was the worst time of my life but at the end of the day she was my child.
You need to do what you think is best for you. I really feel for you it's awful having to deal with thatflowers

junebirthdaygirl Fri 10-Feb-17 23:53:35

A lot of the addiction therapy is around letting them reach rock bottom possibly because families often enable them which stops them feeling the consequences of their actions.. I would be very clear about my love for them never changing but agree with your stance of not being around him under the influence. You cannot decide that for his Df. Make sure he knows your door is always open to a sober him. Don't loan him money but l would feed him providing he isn't drunk. It's heartbreaking for you and don't let anyone accuse you of not loving him. No one knows what they would do unless they were in a similar situation.

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