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What to do???

(8 Posts)
Shezza71 Tue 10-Jan-17 22:36:19

Need to work out what to do for me and my kids
I was going to ask the question "Is my husband an alcoholic?" But I know he is!
Whiskey....not really sure how long ago it changed from a couple of glasses on a Sunday after watching the kids play football to drinking a liter bottle in one evening!
He can be great and we have some really good family times, but the bad times are becoming more frequent.
He totally loses the plot over the stupidest of things, generally because of something one of our DDs(16 & 18)have said or done.
This results in him shutting down, usually for about a week. Ignoring people, only speaking if he has too, short responses, purposely leaving mess everywhere, shouts at the kids, and at times his behavior towards me is downright creepy!
We had a major argument not too long ago and I bought up the subject of how much he drinks EVERY day, after thinking about things and calming down he said he would stop drinking on work nights to see if things improved. He managed 2 days!
Tonight he has drunk nearly 70cl of whiskey & a tin of lager 30 units??
Yesterday maybe 1/3 bottle of whiskey and 1/2 bottle of red wine.
Sunday I went out in the morning, came home about 3pm, he'd already drunk 1/2 a 70cl bottle of whiskey, then had 1/2 bottle of red wine and a tin of lager.......and this is the norm on a daily basis!
He keeps telling DD18, she can leave if her attitude doesn't improve, actually tried to throw her out of the house at 1am not too long ago, she was going to move out but is now looking at working abroad. DD16 doesn't like coming home, tries to sleep out at her friends and I've had enough, mostly because he doesn't think he has a problem and blames everyone else for the tension in the house.

Sorry for the super long post, I guess I needed to get it off my chest!

Wolfiefan Tue 10-Jan-17 22:38:58

Yep. He's an alcoholic.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
So what do you want to do? He sounds as if he is making life a misery for you and the kids. I would want him out.
If you don't how about Al anon for some support.
I hope he doesn't drive the next day after that amount of alcohol.

Shezza71 Wed 11-Jan-17 00:13:23

He drives for a living, another reason it scares me so much.
I'd like him to leave us but I know he wont, if I had somewhere to go with 2 teenagers I think I would pack my bags and go, but I don't.
I've always tried to calm things in the past, act as peacemaker between everyone. I don't think I love him enough to do that anymore, I need to work out how to move forward.

tribpot Wed 11-Jan-17 00:26:44

He's never sober. And he drives for a living?

Aren't you horrified that one child wants to leave the country and one tries not to sleep in her own house, because of this man?

You haven't been making peace, you've been appeasing. All it's done is enable him to continue his destructive behaviour.

I'm very sorry you're in this situation. Your job is to get yourself out of it now.

LineyReborn Wed 11-Jan-17 00:35:17

Your daughters must be suffering.

He's causing massive damage. And he will cause a catastrophe driving drunk, if not tomorrow, then one day.

I think you need to separate, tbh blunt. Can you start working through a list of what needs to happen?

Shezza71 Wed 11-Jan-17 00:46:23

I keep going over ways for the 3 of us to leave, how we can do it financially. Being told I was being made redundant a week before Christmas, so currently job hunting hasn't helped because until I secure a new job I don't even know where we are with money.
I've spoken to my family about whats going on, they are there to listen, but can't offer much more.
I think I'll have to go to his family......
and get advice from CAB and AA?

UnbornMortificado Wed 11-Jan-17 00:50:37

Shezza the benefits system is in place for a reason

If DD2 is still in education I think (best to double check) you would get child maintenance.

Is sounds a horrible way to live for you and your DD's.

LineyReborn Wed 11-Jan-17 01:43:49

Like Unborn says, there are some options for you to leave if he won't leave, especially if younger DD is in education.

This will make you eligible for child benefit, child tax credit, child support. You may be able to rent a flat and when made redundant claim housing benefit. You have a 'window' to get established before your younger daughter turns 18/19. You will also have your potential divorce settlement (half assets e.g. house, if this applies).

Your DH is only curable by doing the hard work himself. Walk away with your daughters. Until he's on the floor, he won't even care. And even then, it's not your problem.

He's probably spending £20+ a day on drink, btw. That's £600+ a month. Maybe £700.

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