My boys' dad is an alcoholic

[pinkchampagne1]

A couple of years ago we were phoned by my ex husband's ex girlfriend and told to pick boys up as their dad was an alcoholic. He was in a real mess but claimed to have recovered and put it down to being unhappy in the relationship. It took a while to trust him again but he seemed to get back on track, was back at work & boys didn't say anything to ring alarm bells.

A few months back I received a call from my youngest son asking to pick him up because his dad kept sleeping. It was clear from the moment I walked in that he was out of it on drink. I was angry and upset that he had got like that when he had my son (nearly 13) with him. Following this set back we didn't trust him to pick boys up do drove them to see him for visits. Again he claimed to have got himself sorted, said he had thrown out all drink and was feeling much better. He was going to work regularly and foolishly I had started to believe he had really started to turn a corner.

Fast forward to today. He said yesterday that he would have boys for tea today as they haven't seen him for a while. DS2 was half day at school today so said he would get off his school bus at his dad's stop. He can only have been there 30 minutes before he phoned on his dad's phone asking us to pick him up as his dad was ill. Immediately I knew what I would be walking into and I was right. Ex h slumped on the sofa totally out of it. My son heard him pour himself a drink then hiccup before we arrived. I can't have my boys exposed to this anymore. DS was in bits during the drive home. I feel a mixture of anger and upset. Why has he done this again? He will kill himself and my boys will lose their dad. What can I do? My boys are 16 and 13

[pinkchampagne1]

He lives alone with a little kitten. My head is all over the place - I really don't know what to do.

[sincitylover]

Are you pinkchampagne who used to post on lone parents thread many years ago, If so waves .......

Didn't want to leave your post unanswered. My dp (but not the boys father) has serious drink problems (we are currently on a sort of break - the main issue for this is really his addiction) and you are right children and teens cannot be exposed to this. It's completely inappropriate.

DP has visited for weekends but I would never live with him whilst he is actively drinking for my own sanity and also because of my dcs.

It's very sad to watch someone self destruct in this way. The only person that can help him ultimately is himself although there is patchy help out there. Firstly he has to admit that there is a problem and then seek help be it from gp, local charities, AA, smart recovery or a combination of these.

Unfortunately being involved (as a partner, ex-partner, sibling, parent or friend) with an alcoholic is a complete mindf* and there are often many relapses even after they quit. However some people do quit and stay sober.

I feel so sad for you and your boys. It's heartbreaking. An alcholics behaviour can seem really selfish but no-one would want to live a life like that - however I am torn between thinking its a disease or a choice (albeit a bad one).

Are you going to talk to your exh when he's sober to say that the boys can't see him when he is like this?

So sorry that this has happened.

[pinkchampagne1]

Yes I did used to post on the lone parents thread. You have a good memory! I am now married again to a lovely man. Will be our second anniversary next month!

Sorry you have experience of this too. Unfortunately it may be too late for my ex as he is critically ill on life support now.

[sincitylover]

Oh no I am so sorry and shocked to hear this pinkchampagne. I hope that he pulls through. So sad for you and the boys.

So pleased that you are now happily remarried and have support.