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slipping and sliding on my road to recovery

(10 Posts)
mum2teenager81 Mon 04-Apr-16 20:51:29

hello everyone. this is my first post. I was encouraged to post as I read a few very useful posts on here.
I don't know if I have a question or if this is just more of a request for support/advice. I started having real problems with alcohol around 10 years ago. I was blacking out, uisng alcohol as a way to escape, and generally losing control. at this time my daughter was 5 years old and I was a single parent. I was able to go three weeks without drink, hold down a job and then would binge once a month when my daughter was with my parents. but it slowly crept up on me in 2011 when I went through a traumatic death in my family, and a relationship break up. anyway I finally went to AA and it really helped for around a year. since then Ive had months of sobriety here and there but never been able to get it back to how I was in my first year. I will ocassionally drink but usually I do it when my daughter is out, and I stick to a specific amount. however recently I went over my limit while she was at home, and her dad was around so I wasnt the only adult here. However, I think she knew I was drunk and she seemed annoyed. the next day I was so ill and I couldnt remember getting to bed etc. I felt so guilty and have vowed yet again to abstain, at least until she is an adult. I know that I cannot control my alcohol intake and I cannot risk being drunk around my daughter (she is 15). However, AA just doesnt seem to work for me and I wonder if there are any mums out there who have succesfully beaten the demon drink who can help me? I have been reading alen carr's alcohol book, going to the gym every day, working hard and have abandoned every drinking friend I ever had. I suppose I should also mention her father is a drinker too, so I try not to be around him much. I feel stuck in a scary place and would like some help!! thank you for listening smile

gingerbreadmanm Mon 04-Apr-16 21:01:11

Round where we live there are various charities that can help with support groups and one to one appointments. One of them is called lifeline, not sure of they are nationwide.

Counselling may also be an option or cbt if you can get referred by your gp?

My mil passed away last year in her early 50's from alcoholism. Please use all resources available to you and distance yourself as much as you can from exdp.

mum2teenager81 Mon 04-Apr-16 21:13:02

ginger- thank you for your suggestion. I have tried to see GP to get a referral as CBT helped me a lot a few years ago. I cant get through on phone so going to go in tomorrow. I know a few people who have died, its so awful. I really want to be the strong, supportive mother I am when sober. I have only drank around 5 times in last 3 years but that is 5 times too much. EXDP is def a bad influence, as he is daily drinker.

gingerbreadmanm Mon 04-Apr-16 23:13:33

Well it sounds like u are doing really great if you continue like that hopefully it will get easier with time.

You may be able to self refer to talking therapies. Not quite sure how that works but may be helpful.

HopeClearwater Mon 04-Apr-16 23:21:11

Go back to AA. Do it properly this time. Did you get a sponsor? How often did you go to meetings? Did you use other members for support? Did you actually listen to others and learn about the program? AA is not magic. It works if you work it, as they say.

AA is all about not taking that first drink. Getting up in the morning and saying 'I am not going to have a drink today'. So it's a day at a time, or even an hour at a time if things are that bad. You don't think about the long term. It's all about the day at hand. It sounds as if you are still planning to drink - saying things like 'abstaining until she's an adult' about your daughter is not a good sign.

HopeClearwater Mon 04-Apr-16 23:21:58

PS. Find a few posts by tribpot. She knows what she's talking about.

FuckyNell Mon 04-Apr-16 23:27:10

I successfully stopped drinking 6 years ago with the Carr book. I also used the smoking one a month later and have been free ever since. Keep reading!

mum2teenager81 Mon 04-Apr-16 23:36:30

Sorry but I disagree with regards to AA. I went to 4-7 meetings a week, all of my friends are AA members, I had a sponsor, did the steps 3 times and did big book study. Sometimes one just can't accept that a higher power will relieve alcoholism. I've been going for 4 years and was sober for one year and a couple of months. I need something else but I just don't know what confused

mum2teenager81 Mon 04-Apr-16 23:37:03

FNell- thanks I'm half way through and hopeful smile

mum2teenager81 Mon 04-Apr-16 23:38:36

Thanks smile

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